I think for myself (and honestly, for a lot of people) it would depend on the situation.
If you meet someone who's already disabled, it'd probably depend on what the disability is and how well they can take care of themselves. Even if it's someone in a wheel chair, if they can handle their own business on their own, I don't think that'd hold me back.
If my fiance were to suddenly become disabled in a more serious way that required more care, I'd stay with her because I'm already deeply in love with her. But if I was looking for someone and they were already in that position, I don't think I'd get romantically involved - too much commitment to ask so early on.
Hayden Wrote:I understand. I think the allure is that it is more likely for someone with a disability to be devoid of egotism or arrogance (the most unattractive quality of them all). I personally am largely intimated by arrogance, and my worst fear is being judged negatively by a potential mate (this is where the unhealthy part comes in for me). The thing I'm really ashamed to admit is that my attraction to vulnerability may have something to do with the allure of being "needed" thus justifying my role or desirability to someone else.
I'm only speaking for myself of course.
Speaking for yourself and for me. I'm like that too. It just sounds so patronizing that I can't help but be a little ashamed.
You might be amazed at how many desire a patronizing love, to be treated as children by a grown up figure, sometimes even spoiled rotten (while other times being bossed around in exchange for being taken care of), a "sugar daddy" as one example (whereas a wealthy man may marry a "trophy wife" who is young, beautiful, the envy of other men, and dependent on his wealth)...so there are matches if that's what you want to do, just as there are for various other tastes that come off as politically incorrect (such as enjoying smacking someone/being smacked).
I need more info to give a more exacting answer, but in general physical & cognitive disabilities bother me less than severe psychiatric disabilities. Thing is, I'm not one to pursue, never have much, so I'd have to be pursued, which means a person couldn't be TOO disabled. If someone could pursue me then there's always a chance. I'd be much more attracted to someone who overcame disabilities or compensated (I think the term is "differently abled," *) than someone who saw themselves as "damaged," however.
I recall one guy with some strong mental disability on welfare and I had more respect for him than I did many without disabilities because he had an unusual amount of common sense and patient endurance (he also had a better vocabulary than many without any such disabilities which I presume came from his intense love of Superman comics). I remember thinking he should be given his social worker's job as he was more grounded than she was (granted, I have no idea what stress the social worker was forced to endure that might've made her that way and thus maybe he couldn't have handled it gracefully either). If I were into guys I think I'd have gone out with him if he asked.
Obviously, if I fell for someone who BECAME severely disabled then I'd stick with that person because the bond is already there. If my partner were to become a badly burned paraplegic there's no way I'd leave her, she'd need me more than ever and I'd be there for her (and hope the reverse would be true as well).
* And as for "differently abled" I'm thinking of "learning alternate ways" (for example, someone deaf learning Sign instead of speaking, or "reading" braille with fingers instead of regular letters with eyes, or otherwise able to function differently in ways that inspire me with their spirit & determination). I suppose the term could be more condescending BS like "special" and thus no longer PC (a lot of PC words fall out of favor pretty fast because those they're intended for can hear the pitying condescension in it). I don't keep up with the memos, so don't flame me for missing it (though it's always good to get the memo so I can keep up), and if I ever become disabled I'd rather have people who can treat me like an adult rather than a fragile child (understanding is welcome, pity is not).
And now, just for fun...dyke drama in Sign:
And just for the record, I wouldn't have a problem dating someone deaf (other than learning Sign). And I wouldn't pity her, I'd admire her all the more, and I consider her "differently abled."
Just chiming in. Obviously i'm not single....but when I was, speaking as a disabled person. The one thing I hate worse then anything is pity. If you're with me out of pity and also out of importance...you can just walk the other way. if we are to have a relationship. You need to understand........level playing field. I'm disabled yes. but I can do most things for myself. If i need you I will ask. But.....EQUAL.
bluefox4000 Wrote:Just chiming in. Obviously i'm not single....but when I was, speaking as a disabled person. The one thing I hate worse then anything is pity. If you're with me out of pity and also out of importance...you can just walk the other way. if we are to have a relationship. You need to understand........level playing field. I'm disabled yes. but I can do most things for myself. If i need you I will ask. But.....EQUAL.
That's from a disabled person's POV.
Mick
See now, I'm the opposite. I don't even need someone to love me. All I really want is someone to feel sorry for me. That would really make my life complete. Just someone to follow me around (not too close of course. I'd like to be able to pretend they're not actually there during times when I decide their use is not necessary) and say things like, "Oh, Hayden.... that sweater looks so itchy. It must really be bothering you. I'm so sorry." And then I would be all like "Yeah. It really does itch. It itches so *sob* fucking *sob* *sob* baaaaaaaaad." And then when I crumble into a broken, blubbering pile of a man, he'll be there to carry me home like a big beautiful baby.
Having a motor-skill deficiency and abnormal lungs and a strange barrel chest is a pretty bad hand to be given when your born. I'd hope that my significant other would understand and not belittle me when the Spring comes around and I can't breathe.
LateBloomer Wrote:Honestly, it would depend for me.
I travel a lot for work. That means my partner needs to be very independent. If his disability required my constant care I would be unable to work.
Would I quit my job?
I don't know. If I do that, I might put us both in a real bad situation, then what kind of care would I be able to provide?
So...I have to say it depends on the nature (and severity) of the disability.
It's similar for me, even if I don't have a particular job or kind of life. For me It's a mere psychological question, first I could take very care of someone fragile, but I need to be indipendent and vice-versa.
In second hand I have a big defect, I think I can suffer so much about her/his situation, I am very sensitive and pessimistic about this kind of things. I don't wanna be an additional problem in someone's life.
Dating? Perhaps, I'm not sure
Fall in love? The same, but it wouldn't be a good situation for me and for her/him.
would you?
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