Is he? Am I? F*ck.

[Liam]

go for a beer of ask him out for a coffee, tell him your gay, ask him if it would freak him out?

why are you not out, would be easier if people knew your thoughts on dating up front.

we go out almost every day. I live alone, so I'm always out with my friends (yeah, I can't cook lol) so we already went for coffee, beer, sushi... we even talked about moving in together last night. I declined, because I don't want him living with me if this goes the wrong way.

[Corsac]

thanks for the advice, Corsac. I wish I had your courage. I will, someday

You gotta think that most of us who are out had the same thoughts about what our friends thought before we came out. I was 22 when I came out and I planned for every eventuality, luckily my family were cool about it but the people I thought were my friends walked away from me.

[Liam]

You gotta think that most of us who are out had the same thoughts about what our friends thought before we came out. I was 22 when I came out and I planned for every eventuality, luckily my family were cool about it but the people I thought were my friends walked away from me.

I'm sorry about your friends walking away from you... But that's what you told me earlier, if they walk away, they're not any friend you'd like to keep. That's why your family stood by your side.
It makes me more confident about coming out. It'll help me see who is really there for me.

[Corsac]

I'm not, I did nothing wrong and decided to be true to myself. They can hold onto their judgement of me as long as they like, it won't change anything.

[Beau]

I have the worst sense of gaydar in history. I was convinced that several people I knew were gay. They had a lot of the signs. Turns out they are not. They were metrosexuals at most.

Then there's my boyfriend. If I had randomly met him in public I never would have guessed he's gay. He is gay though, fortunately for me.

Best advice I can give you is to tell him you are gay. Its always the toughest the first time, but believe me it has to be done. You will never get a boyfriend if you keep your sexuality a secret. I went decades before I realized this. Also remember that if your crush hates you because you are gay, he isn't much of a friend and it's better to move on.

Basically you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[Liam]

I came to class today and he said he wants to talk to me because of that moving in together discussion. I'm going to the coffee shop with him later this afternoon, and I'm wondering if I should say something now. It seems like a really good opportunity.

[Liam]

Yeah, I went there this afternoon and... I froze. I don't know, I just couldn't do it. I stood at his front speechless like an asshole. #FAIL

[Corsac]

You can't throw yourself into something like that unless you're 100% sure, you need to be more confident within yourself first.

[Liam]

I know, I know...
After talking to him, I had to go to the airport because I was coming to visit my parents in Leipzig. While I was driving from Mannheim to Stuttgart and then during the flight, I was thinking about everything that has been going on, and stuff. I decided to tell my mother about this.
I told her some time after I arrived, and it went better than I could ever expect. She was crying, but she said "These are not tears of sadness. I'm just worried about what people might do to you... I just want you to be happy, no matter what". I asked her not to tell anyone about this until I was ready. I'm trying to do this one step at a time. It feels great to have someone to talk about this

[tetractys]

That's terrific you told your mother! Congratulations... Life becomes much less complicated once you can let others know.

As for your situation, something similar happened to me. I'm studying abroad right now (in Japan) and I'm out to my friends here. Anyway, there's a French guy I liked but I didn't know if he was gay. He ended up asking me if I was gay himself, though, but denied that he was too when I asked him. I was sure that he was but I didn't want to ask him again -- I just waited because I knew he'd tell me if I made him feel comfortable and never pressured him, and eventually he did! He came to me one day, looking very flustered, and let it all out, even said that he liked me and his cute French face was all red and nervous. I just smiled at him and nodded and listened, then let him know that I was proud of him for coming out and that I was honored to be the first person he told.

So, my advice to you is: make him feel as comfortable with you as possible, and if necessary, take the first step in starting the interaction by coming out yourself (if you think your friendship is ready for it, that is). Don't imply that you think he might be, too. If you make him feel comfortable, and like your friendship can go on being normal, he'll trust you and your confidence will inspire him to come out.

It can be so hard telling a friend you're gay because you don't want your relationship to change. I was scared to tell my best friend for this reason; I wanted us to go on being friends like we had been -- I was afraid to become 'the gay guy' in the group. Even finding a way to bring the conversation up is so difficult. But it's an important conversation... I suggest waiting until you're alone together and saying outright that you have something important to say, and let it out in one go.

Also, I'd try to avoid 'hitting on him' unless you think your relationship can take that. Once he knows your gay, he may try to find subtle ways to show he's interested, and may even do so unintentionally. But if he's not gay himself, and if he's a good person, he'll keep your friendship the way it is; and having a straight friend who treats you like a regular guy is really great too.

I hope this helps! I want to add this one last thing, though -- coming out in college is totally worth it. You get to see who your real friends are, and you have time to come into your new identity in a safer environment... I'm so glad I did it, because it gave me the opportunity to see that my friendships could remain the same, that some could get stronger, and I got to be the person I wanted to be. I would have been sad if I had missed this chance to explore my new self as a gay individual in this kind of youthful environment.