Does it always hurt?

[archubbycub]

Thanks TS! We'll definietly give that a try. I also just read something about fingering yourself and touching those inner muscles daily to get them used to the contact. The last time we tried it, it wasn't so much pain as it was that feeling that I had to take a giant poop! Not to be gross but I tried to ignore it as best as I could but I eventually had to get him to pull out cause it felt like I was about to go all over him.

[Evan88]

This is a horror movie plot combination.

Lol. Sounds scary.

[MisterLove]

like my first time having sex i was the bottom. does it alway hurt when having anal sex or was he just doing it wrong...like the whole time I felt pain...like in the future if i want to be the bottom will it always hurt...? idk im to inexperienced to know XD help

Make sure you are using a good condom and LOTS of lube.

In my case, I guess it's a bit psychological.

If I'm with a guy that I really like and I'm comfortable with, it doesn't hurt at all - it's just fun, fun, fun. If, however, the top guy turns out to be a jerk, things can get painful and sometimes unbearable - even if it's a small penis.

[MisterLove]

My biggest question is, how do you get the muscles to relax so you and your partner can both enjoy the experience? Everyone keeps saying to "relax the inner sphincter" but nobody says how to.

Some sexual positions are better than others, try to find one that suits you. When I bottom, I usually prefer to go on top.

And again, a good condom and LOTS of lube and saliva.

[Marks]

Make sure you are using a good condom and LOTS of lube.

In my case, I guess it's a bit psychological.

If I'm with a guy that I really like and I'm comfortable with, it doesn't hurt at all - it's just fun, fun, fun. If, however, the top guy turns out to be a jerk, things can get painful and sometimes unbearable - even if it's a small penis.

I agree, Mister Love. My first just seemed to know what to do and how to do it, and sometimes I would cum without even touching myself. It was great. And you are right about size and the intentions of the guy on top.

This is my first post, by the way. Hello.

[MisterLove]

[...] This is my first post, by the way. Hello.

Welcome to the forum!

[BathEd]

I've been wondering this too. I've only bottomed (or tried) a few times, maybe six in all over several years and all with my current boyfriend. Only one time was in any way enjoyable for me and that was after we'd both had quite a bit to drink.

The other times it either hurt, felt uncomfortable or as if I really needed the toilet, which rapidly killed the horniness!

We are very much top and bottom but sometimes I like the idea of bottoming and felt it would be good to mix things up a bit.

[TaoRaven]

it's all about the foreplay, and the lube. Spend some time kissing and using a finger....and eventually two.

You have to get things warmed up down there. Even us older bottoms have to warm up.

If you're drinking age, a beer or two might help relax you a bit as well.

Eventually...no, it doesn't hurt anymore. Well...not unless you get carried away, like some of us do...then you will probably be a little sore for a while afterwards.

Just remember...it's a muscle...you can gain flexibility and range of motion like you can with any other muscle....by exercise, and gentle stretching, one step at a time.

Once you've trained those muscles to stretch to accommodate, you're in for some of the most amazing pleasure that a human body can experience.

[Shiner]

Maybe I can be of help here.

Fingering, small objects etc were my first introduction to anal, and it was amazing.

When it came to sex, my first introduction was an average to slightly shorter than average asian guy. However he was hard as a rock and eager so it was slightly unpleasant. Saying that my next partner was slightly larger than average in the underpants department, but he was patient and took his time in bed, and it was a very pleasurable experience to begin with. and only got better!

The moral of the story is that it is not the insertion that causes pain, it is the guy behind it that matters

[princealbertofb]

I only had sex once XD. I'm just curious if it will always be like my first time. He was abnormally large and went fast. I'm like a n00b at sex lol

Well in that case, it was inadequate preparation. He should have taken things more slowly and taken time for you to adjust. If it hurt when he first penetrated, and he kept going, you wouldn't have had time for the pain to subside. So I daresay you did it wrongly.

Normally if there is pain, he should have retracted immediately, especially if he's large. All of the suggestions made by Bowyn can apply, but it sounds like it was too little, too much, too soon. Since there was no foreplay, it might be good for you to show him (if you're going to meet him again) how it feels to have your anus stretched without preparation. It sounds like he had no idea that his penis was a potential source of pain. If he's only used it on women, for instance, or never used it at all, the only knowledge he has of penetration may be from watching porn. He's obviously not done his homework enough. I don't think he realised you were hurting. Did you tell him or were you too shy to tell?

Maybe you could get together to read up on gay sex, and anal penetration and all the things you should do to make it an enjoyable experience for both of you. Unless you do that, it'll be like being raped, every time, and it doesn't have to be that way.

If you don't plan to have sex with him again, then you won't be able to teach him anything about what to do and not do, but you can, at least, do your homework and train yourself to accept things that are larger than you think. You need to do this privately and in a relaxed atmosphere with plenty of lubrication and any toy that you can think of, although make sure that it won't get stuck inside and not come out again. Don't use anything breakable. Wrap it in a condom to be safer, unless, of course, you realise that you are allergic to latex, in which case you could try to get the other ones, those that are made from vinyl (I think). Ask your pharmacist or doctor.

Your own fingers can do the job quite well, if you can access your hole by bending.

Remember also that breathing is key to feeling sufficiently relaxed. The anus is designed, as someone pointed out, to expell not take in, normally, so its natural reaction to things going in is to contract. Contracted muscles (sphincters) will hurt more than loose or relaxed ones. Some say that trying to push out the outer sphincter, as when you are defecating, helps to loosen that first ring for entry, it's the second (inner) sphincter that is the culprit of pain, generally, so it's learning to master that one that will help you get more comfortable and finally, maybe enjoy it.

By the way, anal sex is not for everyone. Not everyone gets enjoyment from it. If you don't, then do other sexual activities. There are plenty that can get the same results.