the new guy

[LANSONJ]

Ive been communicating with this guy for about a month weve known of each other for years. Im not gonna lie im an emotional guy and he isnt. I know he likes me but I need to hear it and havent yet. I literally cant stop thinking about the guy and I hate that so I told him to stop all communication with me for a couple days. Am I crazy?

[dvdbwn]

i don't know what cutting off communication will accomplish other than playing games and hoping he ignores your request. based on what you said, i think that you should give him time to catch up to you since you might be more invested. then have a conversation with him about your feelings and find out if he feels the same way.

[LANSONJ]

Wow! your good. Im way more invested and I dont know why. So I should wait around?

[dvdbwn]

not forever. i would just give it another month so he has time to feel the same way. then i would have a conversation about where he'd like it to go. if you're not dating yet, find out if he would like to or whatever. recognizing that you are more emotional is good, and i'm just erring on the side of caution that you may not want to jump the gun on him.

hope i've helped. i'm sure other posters will chime in soon.

[Aeneas]

Ive been communicating with this guy for about a month weve known of each other for years. Im not gonna lie im an emotional guy and he isnt. I know he likes me but I need to hear it and havent yet. I literally cant stop thinking about the guy and I hate that so I told him to stop all communication with me for a couple days. Am I crazy?

you think:

i'm going to show this guy i am fine without him; i will turn the tables and he will come crawling back to me.


he thinks:

emotionally unstable - can't keep his cool.


i've seen this happen again and again and people will never learn. IF you tell someone to go away chances are he WILL leave you alone - so say what you mean and be prepared to let him go.

good luck convincing him to enter into a relationship with you in the future now that he knows that you might "dump" him overnight because you can't take the heat.


what you ought to have done:

keep your mind busy with other things.

[LANSONJ]

I guess I worded it wrong. Im not trying to "show him." We're not even together we just know we like each other. Im way more involved in it then he is (probably because hes the first guy ive liked) and i think im scaring him off. This was my way of backing up and seeing if its gonna go any further. From the replies I would say i messed up our chances?

[Aeneas]

I guess I worded it wrong. Im not trying to "show him." We're not even together we just know we like each other. Im way more involved in it then he is (probably because hes the first guy ive liked) and i think im scaring him off. This was my way of backing up and seeing if its gonna go any further. From the replies I would say i messed up our chances?

you feel uncomfortable with the fact that you believe you are much more into him than he is into you. that makes you feel insecure.

if you are not trying to shift down two gears to level with him to create an immediate reaction from him whereby he will be scared of "losing you" (or any prospects with you) then your situation is more dire than initially thought.

so you are not playing games - you are truly scared of your own feelings and what might be.


either way you are doing it wrong.

i wouldn't say you messed up your chances if you play it right from now onwards. dont explain yourself to him - the more you open your mouth about your inability to keep your emotions and insecurities in check the worse your situation will become.

just call him after the couple days are up and apologise for cutting him off but you had to deal with a family tragedy, or your were busy studying for exams, or you had to catch up with work...

move on from this misstep as swiftly as possible and dont do it again. he might forgive you but he wont forget.

[Rainbowmum]

I would not say you are crazy, but I do have to wonder what you are expecting this silence to do.
If you know he like you and you want to hear it , simply ask him.

[Geminize]

Lanson, I don't think you have messed up your chances at this point. You are not crazy, you just don't know how to get the attention you want.

If you can spend time together without the pressure of "being together", that would be good. Try to become friends, see how much you share in common, let your friendship develop.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So how long have you been a manipulative twit?

This 'don't communicate with me' game you are playing is manipulative. All it will do is cause him to hate you. Do you want that?

Stop playing games with people, the only one who loses is the one who tries the games.

So he doesn't talk about his emotions, fine. It's part of who he is and makes up his character and personality. It is in part or in whole one of the reasons you are attracted to him.

Honestly, if you find it non-attractive then shove off and find a guy who is more in touch with expressing his feelings.

Trying to change him, to mold him in your image of what you want is almost as bad as using manipulation and game playing to get a person to do what you want.