1st time gay

[vladimyr]

Hello everyone. Im just a regular straight guy. Or atleast i was. During this semester i entered new class, which means i met a lot of new people. Since im very comunicative it wasnt a problem for me to blend in. But one guy kept winking on me, and showing interest in being friend with me. Well that was all fine untill one day i realised how i cant stop thinking of him. Hes cool, and with him i would give it a shot. Problem is that i am not sure if he is gay. I tried to invite him to stand up comedy but before i told him about it he said hes goin out with his girlfriend. But if he change plans he will let me know. Some times he did things i was sure hes gay... And then this information struck me like a lighting. I am not sure if he lied, and if he did why? plas on fb i didnt see him with any girl so idk. In our group, there are also few girls which show interest in me, and i am not sure what would be smartest move. We live in a country where gay is sin and disease and everything worst... Reason why im posting this bcz i dont think i stand a chanse but i so wanna know what these feelings inside of me means. If i take 1st step it will be something between extreme bravery and extreme stupidity xD and yeah. When we met i officialy had gf, yet we broke up before few months and hes nice to me since then.

[pauluk]

Hi i think he has feelings for you but scared to come out fully. He just wouldnt wink at you for nothing. He maybe bi and just coming to terms with his sexualaity. Give it time first. Dont ask him out yet. Get to know him first. Just chat and have a joke and then these feelings will become clearer for both of you. I cant say much about who you choose. That up to you. Hoped i helped a bit. Good luck.

[Liam]

I have gone through something similar this past month. Instead of hearing him say he had a girlfriend, I was talking to his friends and they said it was quite common for people to THINK he was gay.

Don't jump into conclusions just yet, and try to just be friends for now. The best advice people gave me here was to get comfortable with my sexuality first, and consider telling him. If he is a closeted gay/bi, I bet he is going to feel more comfortable to talk about this with you than with any other person, because it seems reasonable to talk about something like this with someone that actually understands you.
That is quite my case. I talked about this with a friend of mine from Portugal yesterday. Probably the richest discussion I had this week

[Aeneas]

sometimes when you are attracted to someone you see things that aren't there.


a wink could mean anything - especially in a country where gays are frowned upon perhaps your friend is just too sure of himself does not mean it as a flirt.


there just isnt enough information here to know what could possibly be in his mind. good luck.

[Liam]

sometimes when you are attracted to someone you see things that aren't there.


a wink could mean anything - especially in a country where gays are frowned upon perhaps your friend is just too sure of himself does not mean it as a flirt.


there just isnt enough information here to know what could possibly be in his mind. good luck.

He said that in his country homossexuality is seen as a disease and everything worst, and being in a country where gays are frowned upon is a big reason not to act like one. I don't think that in these conditions someone would act like this with no reason at all.

I'm absolutely NOT saying he is gay, I just think it doesn't add up.

But one thing Aeneas said I totally agree with is that a wink could mean anything. There isn't enough information

[Aeneas]

He said that in his country homossexuality is seen as a disease and everything worst, and being in a country where gays are frowned upon is a big reason not to act like one. I don't think that in these conditions someone would act like this with no reason at all.

I'm absolutely NOT saying he is gay, I just think it doesn't add up.

But one thing Aeneas said I totally agree with is that a wink could mean anything. There isn't enough information

my point is that if he were gay, perhaps he would know better not to act like one. he would try to hide it as the OP does.


maybe he is too sure of his *manhood* and doesnt think he is acting "gay".

be it as it were, all we can do in this thread is speculate.

[vladimyr]

Hehe thanks guys. Well i got some basic idea what to do. Hes far from "manhood" type but that doesent mean anything. Once during class, i was oppsesed with one song, and i wrote it down for some female friend. And to end a joke i just wrote it down that its for him and gave it. (It was even before i realised i like him). he took it, and acted that he blushes. Was it for sake of a joke or maybe real who know. All i know he still hold that piece of paper in textbook. But as u guys say it might mean nothing. I guess il just ask around and get closer so i see where it goes. Thank you vey much again u guyswere great support. Il keep ya posted.

[Undreamt]

as you said in your opening post, you thought you were straight before all this.

How is he going to know that your not?

[vladimyr]

Hey guys. I did promise an update so here it comes. Today i was with my colegues and out of nowhere some1 said how its gross that some guy would have anal sex just for loads of money. Then i realised thag most of the people actualy detest gays in our group. This guy of mine didnt say anything against he was rather watching the conversation. I said im fine with it but i didnt comment any further. he did say hi and winked as usual today but rest of it he tried to avoid me. I realised when our eyes met few rimes. I guess i was suppoused to engage in conversation with him but i dont fell like pushing it and starting conversation all the time. As for a girlfriend of his. He doesent have it. Maybe he expected a reacrion from me. I got to conclusion that he have problem with his sexuality as much as i do. So im thinking just to keep it like this. Slowly. Friendly, not pushing but geting into circle of his close friends. Again thanks a lot. It realy helped me with thinking properly. Oh yeah. It occured to me that he is straight, that he wana make me look gay or maybe just to be friends. But in all those cases he would keep pushing stuff further. I mean if it were me, i wouldnt stop all of the sudden for no reason. Opinions plsease

[Liam]

Well, his lack of reaction in the conversation does not mean much... Maybe just that he is not pro/against gays?
If he avoided you today, maybe it was because of the conversation. If he is gay, seeing that people in your circle actually detest people like you is quite a big shock, and makes some people want to step away to vent a little.
As for the girlfriend thing, I don't know if there is really a reason for him to lie like that. If he wanted a reaction, there are other ways other than lying. You could, for example, express that you're not against gays during that conversation. That's not the reaction he would expect, but he would at least see that there is someone in his circle that won't hate him. It's like that "trusting people that understand you" thing I said earlier on.
I also didn't understand why he would want to make you look gay. Why he would make a set up for you like that? Given the treatment gays have in your country, setting you up would be really mean

Next time you have an opportunity, try to show him that you don't care about people's sexualities.. These little steps will make a big difference later if he decides to open up.