Amazing Guy, But Has HIV

[Dreamer]

I've been talking to this incredible guy now for almost 6 months.... we click, he's adorable, crazy intelligent, sincerely ambitious, and sooo undeniably sweet!

He always says the sweetest things to me, at the most unexpected moments, of which I've never experienced from anyone ever in my life... it's like he's from a well-scripted movie or something!..... except one thing..... he just told me that he has HIV!

We've never met in person cause he lives in another county and transportation's a bitch, but do skype, calling, texting etc.. and had already talked about meeting in person.

I played it off nice, but was kinda shocked when the letters came out his mouth. Then, he asked me if it would be a problem, to my answer of.... "I'm not sure, to be honest", which meant "HELL NO!" in my head, at the time... It scared me, and I've been kind of ignoring his texts and calls, since after I made an excuse to get of the phone, when he told me.

I don't know what to do...



So QUESTION:
[COLOR="DarkRed"]
Would you date or be with somebody who had HIV?[/COLOR]

[codyj1ma]

I honestly don't know if I would or not. I mean I've heard it's possible for these kinds of relationships to work without the negative partner getting infected. You just have to educate yourself and see if it's something you can try to work with.

[Beau]

Don't pursue the relationship. If he really did care for you, he'd stay away from you. It may sound cold, but there are plenty of HIV positive people he could be dating. He shouldn't be pursuing a relationship with you. That's just wrong and self centered of him in my book.

What happens if you do meet? What if you fall in love with him? You want to risk contracting HIV? If just takes a momentary lapse of judgement to do something you will regret the rest of your life. You're so young. I say move on. Just my two cents of course.

[OrphanPip]

I don't agree with Beau that people shouldn't date someone who has HIV. If they are on anti-retrovirals and you always use condoms the risk of infection is relatively low. Of course, the risk is always there. Then there is also the matter that not every gay relationship requires anal sex, some couples are happy without it and express themselves sexually in other ways, which can involve practically no risk of contracting HIV from a partner.

However, this is an entirely personal decision. The other person has done the right thing by making his status clear from the start. I'd just say that whatever your decision, and I think most people would understand if you are not comfortable with the risk to your health, that you should at least do the decent thing and tell the guy rather than just ignoring him.

[Beau]

Think of it this way.. you have been with a partner for years, you are both happy, he has a tattoo, a blood transfusion, whatever, and contracts HIV in an innocent way.. would you kick him out?
Would you send him packing, or would you stand by him?

That wasn't the question presented in the OP. I could throw out a ton of hypotheticals as well.

I'm thinking of it from the HIV guy's side. He's risking giving a horrific virus to another individual. If he really cared for this guy, he'd stay far away. Not lure him him and tell him he's HIV positive 6 months in.

There are plenty of HIV positive people he can date with no risk. Don't risk the people's lives if you really care for them. It's clear this guy doesn't really care. That's a red flag in my book.

[OrphanPip]

That wasn't the question presented in the OP. I could throw out a ton of hypotheticals as well.

I'm thinking of it from the HIV guy's side. He's risking giving a horrific virus to another individual. If he really cared for this guy, he'd stay far away. Not lure him him and tell him he's HIV positive 6 months in.

There are plenty of HIV positive people he can date with no risk. Don't risk the people's lives if you really care for them. It's clear this guy doesn't really care. That's a red flag in my book.

I get where you're coming from, Beau.

Yet, a part of me feels it's not entirely fair to the person who has HIV. It's hard enough for people to find partners in the gay community without limiting their choices only to people who match your serotype. Especially in a rural community where people with HIV are going to be even less common than gay people in general. There is also the fact that people with HIV do put themselves at additional risk by having sex with other positive people, there is a risk of multi-strain infections, co-infection with other viruses like Hepatitis which are commonly carried along with HIV by many people, and risk of amplifying the effects of drug resistance by swapping strains.

I also don't think it is fair to say he led the OP along, because 6 months of chatting on the internet is not 6 months of dating. I think there are ways people can make +/- relationships work, and that ultimately it is personal, and the fair advice is to be informed about risk and honest to oneself about what they want or need out of a relationship.

[Nick9]

Beau, every time you offer a drive in your car to someone, you risk his/her life.

Even two HIV positive people need to be careful during sex - not only positive and negative.

I don't know about dating. But I am sure I would not abandon him and I would keep the friendship if he was interested.
I am afraid that dating an HIV positive person can be very psychically demanding - for both. But it's hard to tell in the beginning.

Dreamer, I think the worst thing you can do is to run away. Offer a friendship/chatting or say good bye, but don't run away without saying anything. That would be rude and hurtful for anyone. For him it must have been like coming out again. You wouldn't want to be abandoned by your friends right after coming out to them either.

[Lalo]

^^Good Answer^^



But it DOES know condoms!

[MisterTinkles]

There are ALWAYS, ALWAYS options.

Theres only two things you need to know....

Dont share bodily fluids, and dont share personal items (toothbrushes, razor, etc...)


Ive met a few people who have HIV or AIDS and they have partners who are clean.
You just have to learn how to live with being careful.

Other than that, HUGS ARE AWESOME!

[dfiant]

He is a person who needs friends, you have denied him friendship. I think you need to grow a pair of balls when it comes to this issue rather than running away like a squealing little girl.

You are not going to catch HIV from friendship....HELL it is also unlikely that you will catch HIV if you ended up in a relationship with the guy if you took the right precautions.

Rather than over react and hurt this poor guys feelings, why not learn about the disease?