Thank you to everyone who posted. Sorry for the late response. Your words have helped me but I still struggle with it. I find myself still embarrased by it. I go to tell someone and i am ashamed of it. How can I tell someone and expect them to be cool about it if i'm not. I have a girl friend that knows about me and she is there to help. The few gay guys that know don't really do me any good. I have a guy really interested in a relationship with me and know my whole situation but I keep putting off meeting him. Think it's some part of denial or something. Why does it have to be so difficult for me? *sigh* 
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My friend,
I've been where you are, and it's a hard place to be. I didn't really know who I was, sexually until my mid/late 20's. I had feelings, I had experiences, but I didn't know how to quantify it to myself, and I didn't know how to think of it.
You can't worry about what others do, or think, or how they relate to you. You are who you are. I'm not saying you have to come out, I'm not out, but you need to be comfortable with yourself. If you are not comfortable with yourself you will never be happy. It took me many years to be comfortable with myself, but I am now, and it's changed my life.
Before I was timid, and hesitant, not just in social situations but in general. But when I became comfortable with who I am I became much more self assured, much more confident.
I can tell you this, this forum, helped me a LOT. I've been on here a long time, and the people here are great, and they can help you learn about yourself, and about life.
I hope things go better for you soon, I'm always here if you want to talk.
Richard
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inthecloset Wrote:Thank you to everyone who posted. Sorry for the late response. Your words have helped me but I still struggle with it. I find myself still embarrased by it. I go to tell someone and i am ashamed of it. How can I tell someone and expect them to be cool about it if i'm not. I have a girl friend that knows about me and she is there to help. The few gay guys that know don't really do me any good. I have a guy really interested in a relationship with me and know my whole situation but I keep putting off meeting him. Think it's some part of denial or something. Why does it have to be so difficult for me? *sigh*
The late response is no issue.
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I think "feeling ashamed", or at least apprehensive, is fairly natural. I feel that way myself, not so much the "shame", but apprehension certainly...I think the more people one tells, and the more one gets used to oneself, the easier it'll become. Logically, one must get used to it after all, and I've told enough people now that I know that coming out is something you do over and over again (after I tell my mom I'm just saying fuck it and updating my interested in on Facebook, which I have blank right now. Hopefully everyone'll get the hint?  ).
Also,
Please meet him. Not just for like sex, but for what it sounds like he wants, a chance to know you and get to consider a relationship. When I was going through the whole "discovering what I am" phase, I missed a chance with a great friend, because I ran when I could have been honest and had a relationship. It's not a huge regret, but I'm always going to have a tiny little "what if" inside of me because of it, and if I could do it again, I would have been braver.
Lastly: "Why does it have to be so difficult for me?" I don't know. I don't know why some people have it easier then others, and why some people don't. I can only say to make the best of what you have. You're going to have a hard time, but I think that when you pull through it, you're going to have a rare perspective because of it. It doesn't make it all right, all better, but it's going to make you appreciate yourself more I hope.
Make sure you keep us updated on how you're doing, even if it's to tell us that you're not doing so well. If there's one place in the world where you can be yourself and not feel any shame at all, it's here. 
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Wow, you have basically described my story, the beginning anyway. Buddy you wheel know when to come out. I have come out as bisexual but now I am thinking I may actually be gay. But I am a very masculine guy, not very outspoken. But I am out, I tell you this much it is a process I would advise avoiding a relationship until you have accepted your self. Those long nights in tears will be worth it in the end, you will be wise and seasoned.
The hardest thing for me to over come in my own acceptance was the way I viewed gay people, even though I shared so much with them I was raised to think they were disgusting and perverted so that is how i viewed them that is also how i viewed myself the reason i abused myself.
Be patient the time will chime and you will know it.
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ok another question. Would it be terrible if i told my parents via text message or maybe write a letter? I think there is no possible way i could do it in person. it took everything i had just to tell my sister.
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inthecloset Wrote:ok another question. Would it be terrible if i told my parents via text message or maybe write a letter? I think there is no possible way i could do it in person. it took everything i had just to tell my sister.
So about that nick name Inthecloset... Sorry for being pushy, I just want to refer to you as a person rather than a problem you feel you're experiencing.
While personally I want to talk to my mom face to face, I have the privilege of being in different circumstances then you. I think you are being reasonably worried, and coming up with reasonable compromises to help with your fear.
I think a letter is a great idea. My mom used to write letters to her mother to tell her things that she found difficult to express in words, and I know this is a different situation, but much of the pros remain the same. You won't chicken out, they won't interrupt, all of your feelings are right there and as long as they read them it's there. It gives them time to have a reaction and get over a bit of the shock without you there to be hurt by the initial reaction. It's also how someone who inspires me, Kel from WipeOutHomophobia on Facebook, came out to his father. Also, you can post the letter here and ask us what we think about it too, if you're worried about saying the wrong/right things, so yes, it is safer, and less volatile.
However, you have to send it, which is still going to be hard. But once you actually write it, half the battle is done. Focus on the writing part for now.
Now as for the text. I just don't think it's classy, sorry. Think of the stigma on people who break up over text. It's just not cool, and your parents will probably feel like you didn't care that much in doing so. You also aren't really likely to get your feelings out or what it means to be gay with "I'm gay" send in a text. Which is going to leave them reeling. It's not fair.
My opinion is that if you can't talk to them person to person, then at least do the letter. I'm really hoping for a happy ending for you, you've been through a lot.
So if you choose to write a letter, remember, get writing... 
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Ok that makes me feel better. I get what you are saying about the text but u can also type a letter form via text. And texting is the new letter and best form of communication these days.but I think the letter will be my choice. If anything it might be therapeutic for me at minimum.
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Hey, you like what you like. You can help it.
Play hard as you work and you'll be fine. We only have a short time here anyways.
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Its s difficult thing to do. I told my folks i was bisexual but I honestly think I am gay. Point is that I like and may date men. I was worried deeply about how they would receive it. In my youth they duff their best to instill in me that being gay was perverted. My dad is staunch Catholic, my mom nit so much staunch. But they took it well I wasn't disowned.
But every parent is different. Of you live with them i would not be so hasty to tell them. But if you are on your own you only have one thing to lose, nit everything.
If they are good parents they will want you to be happy. if being gay is what makes you happy, let your parents know that.
I Don't think it is wrong to come out via text.
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Don't complain about what you cannot change. Live the best you can and do what's best for you first and then whats best for your surroundings ie people and places and things.
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I don't want to be gay.
