Things that annoy you but that reasonably shouldn't.
05-01-2013, 05:57 AM
MisterTinkles Wrote:Again, I hate to disagree.
Seen too many rape stories on the news and online about women who lead a man, promising him "things" until he's all "hot and bothered" then walk off. Some get raped, some get beaten, some get worse. If thats not asking for it, I dont know what is.
Could you share one of these news or reputable online sources please? I'm finding it hard to believe.
I'm not saying it would never happen as you say (since there are people who cut off their own limbs on a whim, or bug chasers who try to catch AIDS, so what's one more type of extreme self-harm?), though I feel I'm being generous is saying even 1 in a million are like that. And the way I see it as a drunken woman who aggressively taunts a former flame and he responds, but in that case she wasn't actually hoping to be raped (though she can be said to have gotten burned playing with fire). In all my life I've never met or even heard of a woman like that (being incredibly stupid & naive, yes, but not trolling for rapists). There WAS one woman who liked to turn tricks for the thrill rather than money and she was outbidding street kids who needed the money to survive so they beat her up while telling her to either jack up her prices or get out. In that same area I heard a drag queen (who may have been joking) saying he left his door open with a bottle of Vaseline in the hopes that a serial rapist (who went after actual women) would make him his next victim but that's the closest.
There's rape play, but that's different, it's all fantasy (where the one fantasizing about being raped is in control the entire time, and only minimal dangers associated with rape are present if she has a real life partner playing along, and with partners they'll often have a safe word). The one I knew into rape play hated actual rapists with a passion, too. and she didn't even "play with fire."
There's plenty of fiction as well (whether done to titillate and/or condemn it) but that doesn't count, of course.
And what I'm thinking of is how many males SAY his victim wanted it. Too many think if he's turned on and/or enjoying himself then whoever he's with is, too, and if he's attracted he sometimes think she's "doing it on purpose." I've encountered that messed up attitude more times than I can recall and the most extreme was a drunk who said all 10-year-olds were trying to seduce him (but not anyone of any other age), apparently because he was attracted to them (and he was listed as a convicted child molester) they must be putting the feelings into him. I also read a historical book by a friar or a monk who said men were attracted to women because women cast spells on them or otherwise were to blame for lewd behavior (and other gems like on why women were evil: "for the rape of a woman, Troy fell," and of course Helen was to blame rather than Paris).
I've faced that attitude myself more than once, both in harassment and in actual assault. Last Halloween I volunteered where another volunteer kept harassing me. Given the nature of our work I wore a lot of clothes (not that my wearing little would've excused rape, mind you) and I pointedly ignored it for a long while before I said as neutrally as I could, "That's enough, thank you." He left (who knows what he'd have done if it had just been us instead of a public place?) and I got kicked out about 5 minutes later by his sister who later spread (which I presume she got from him) that I'd led him on but was a stuck up bitch.
And given how many men mistake even polite behaviors as flirting and even disinterest as playing "hard to get" (as that guy I just mentioned did) it makes me extremely skeptical of your claim, though I don't doubt many men CLAIM she worked him up, and rape shield laws became necessary because of the brutal cross examination that occurred and even the most trivial violations of puritanism could get a rapist off. Heck, even with these laws a rapist got cleared a few years ago because the victim had a rep as a slut (and apparently therefore wasn't allowed to say no and IIRC the defense said she enticed him into it) and the defense got her psyche records in which she shared her dad molested her but couldn't disrupt the family by confronting him (this cost her the support of her family when she needed it, too) and was thus trying to take it out on the defendant since she couldn't go after her dad...and he was cleared of rape even thought he was NOT cleared of felony assault (fracturing & breaking bones as she resisted) in the supposedly (according to the jury & defense) "consensual sex." (Though one juror said she'd have voted differently if she'd known he'd been convicted of rape multiple times already, a fact successfully hidden by the defense as it would "bias the jury against the defendant," raising the interesting question of why he was on the streets in the first place and how many other times he'd escaped conviction as he did that time.)
Instead it seems it's mostly about anger (especially if he feels, rightly or wrongly, that she's putting out for others), misogyny, power, and also entitlement (if she "has a reputation of giving it up" then it's only fair he gets some whether she wants to give it or not, or if she shows it off then it counts as "promising" and she's obligated to "put out," or he did something nice for her, so she "owes" him, I learned not to accept favors from strange men for this reason). (Btw, one guy on a messageboard said it wasn't raped if you drugged her into unconsciousness first because she never said no...) When things "get out of hand" I expect it to have started out innocent at first but too much alcohol (or other drug) was involved (perhaps even she just wanted him to put a condom on first but he refused to bother, which, btw, still makes it rape). And a lot of times men & women mean different things by what they say and how they communicate which is why they grossly misunderstand each other while thinking they know what the other meant (which causes arguments later on, possibly violence, conceivably sexual violence).
But that women are knowingly and willfully trying to be victims? (As opposed to say escaped a car from another attacker to find herself in a really bad area, or judgment hampered severely by intoxication.) Or giving free lap dances and then daring him to take it? I haven't heard of it, at least not from a reputable source anyway. If it does happen I don't think these mentally deranged women complain about it or otherwise go on the record. But again, you've seen so many newstories and accounts, care to share? :confused:
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