My Boyfriend has Bulimia... Help?

[Adzz02]

Hey Guys.
Thank you all so much for your replies! I have been reading up on it all myself and as pointed out it is a really hard cycle to break and I completely understand. I tried to talk to him last night about it and suggested giving therapy another try but he didn't want to. I did suggest maybe going through all the clothes on the weekend and then just leave the clothes he knows that fits and look nice rather than trying everything on and getting upset and stressed by it.
I do still wonder if I am strong enough to cope with it? I don't want it to seem selfish on my half, but I'm not sure I can be relied on to be the one to help?

[megumidesu]

I do still wonder if I am strong enough to cope with it? I don't want it to seem selfish on my half, but I'm not sure I can be relied on to be the one to help?

find someone who can help support both of you . a friend / relative / doctor / whoever . it's important that both of you have someone there for you ~

think of an eating disorder as a long term suicide attempt . he probably knows the damage he's doing to himself , but he probably doesn't care . he needs you to be there for him and give him reasons to want to get better . and you need someone to support you while you're there for him ~

[Adzz02]

Hey, just an update;
Just had an episode, we had a Chinese at his parents, come home and I went for a bath. He mentioned about eating some ice cream but my stomach felt like it was going to burst I was so full so I told him that. Couple minutes later I get a text saying "thanks for nothing, thought you were trying to help me". At this point I started to wash so I could get out when I heard him come up the stairs and go to bed. I got out and went in and said ohhh I can't wait for bed, trying to make him laugh but nothing. Both laid in silence on our phones, he got up and went to the loo. I heard it and ran in trying to pull him away but as mentioned before nothing came out of his mouth apart from pure evil, horrible abuse towards me. I kept ignoring and tried to pull him away and saying come on you can do this, step away. Don't let it beat you. He had remarkable strength and in the end I just burst into tears and begged him to come away. At which point I had to give up and went back to bed. He came in and we've led there for 15 minutes whilst he throws more and more abuse at me, I'm still crying and trying to ignore it. I've now come outside to the car and I just don't know what to do! It's so heart breaking seeing this but I feel as though I can't handle any more of the blame as it's tearing me up inside too.

[VagabondKitten]

Sorry this is kind of a late post, but I felt compelled to respond as someone who has suffered on and off from anorexia for about 5 years. I just want you to know that first off, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job trying to be there for him. I also would completely understand if you chose to end it with him (and some day, if he looked back on the whole thing, he probably would too). The main thing I came to say is this though; you can try to be there for him, make him feel sexy, tell him you know he can beat this, or any other number of things, and it will not matter until he believes it himself. Having a eating disorder, especially bulimia and anorexia, is a form of body dysmorphia. I myself got down to 115 pounds at 5'9", and I still thought I looked horrible (which I did, but not in the way I thought).

At that point, any friend who tried to intervene would be completely ignored until they dropped it. I would not accept that I had to eat. Finally one day, I passed out at work, just standing there, and it finally hit me that I wasn't fat, I had a mental disorder. Since then, I have gotten myself up to 130, but my stomach had shrunk so much I can't even eat even close to a normal amount without smoking pot, and if I eat too much I end up getting sick to my stomach. I have thought about seeing a therapist myself, but haven't yet. It doesn't effect me to the point where my loved ones are effected any more, so for that I am thankful. I guess the point of this post is to let you have insight from another person with this sort of mental disorder. Your bf has to want help for anything to change. No matter what you do, if he doesn't want help, nothing in him will change. You can only be there for him and wait. And hope he can turn himself around and realize he needs the help before he starts to suffer from the inevitable health effect that will come. And don't feel like a failure if you feel like you can't deal with it anymore. The way he treats you is unfair, even if it is his mental disorder that is talking. Good luck, and I hope this helped a little... :/

[Brendan]

I make myself throw up everyday. Not sure if that makes me bulimic. Probably does. I also used to go through quasi-anoerxic periods where I'd eat little, exercise compulsively and lose ridiculous amounts of weight while still thinking I was fat.

You say he has depression. I also have depression. I believe there is a strong cause and effect thing going on between depression and eating disorders.

I don't understand why he verbally abuses you so terribly. For me the food issues are more about self-loathing. I've never thought to blame or abuse anyone else because of it.

Other people here have given great advice. I want to say that you also have to think of yourself. I myself have a lot of issues and I don't hold it against any of my previous partners who couldn't deal with them and left.

[megumidesu]

I don't understand why he verbally abuses you so terribly. For me the food issues are more about self-loathing. I've never thought to blame or abuse anyone else because of it.

taking self-hatred out on other people isn't that uncommon

[Woollyhats]

it sounds like this is a reoccurring problem. It is possible he will never change, and the abuse is not fair, and is not your fault. Consider moving out/breaking up, until/if he improves. Be open, say that the abuse is too much.