What is your relationship with your parents like?

[Kenny221]

Hi! I'm new to the site, nice to meet everyone. Anyways, getting on to the topic, to be honest, my parents were very easy going. I was never yelled at because I got a bad grade, or anything. They DO however care about me. They just never yelled at me, but rather just smile and say "Just try harder next time." I guess their method kinda worked...I grew up having a huge sense of my own responsibilities ,socially and academically. The relationship between my father and I are mostly healthy. I still remember staying up late playing video games with my father and such. They made sure that they supported me no matter what. Even though I haven't told them I'm gay yet( I'm 17) , I think they would be okay. I'm not so sure about telling them about me only liking older guys though....Not sure if they would support something like that. HAHAHA.

[MisterTinkles]

I always found it funny (and I mean "ha ha" funny, in a sad pathetic way) that a LOT of people I have worked with that asked me about my parents have absolutely NO clue as to what I am telling them.

I tell them how my so-called parents were, and they tilt their heads and get this blank look on their faces, just like dogs do when you talk to them and they dont know what the hell you are doing. They have no aptitude for understanding what scum I had for parents. They sit there and go on and on and on and on and on and on about how "wonderful" and "awesome" THEIR parents are. BARF.

One girl I just wanted to run over with my car....she would NEVER shut up as to how HER mother was her best friend, and they always did this or that together. Annoying prat she was.

Not demeaning anyone that has good parents....just reading some of these posts on good parents made me think of those people.

Just so you know, if you have great parents and you happen to ask or get into a conversation with someone who has/had horrible fuckers for parents, dont become a broken record, constantly repeating how GREAT your parents are. Its a knife in the skull to those of us who dont or didnt.

I dont mind hearing about great parents, but not to the extent it becomes the only thing coming out of ones mouth!

[pellaz]

now into my second half of my life i have both had parents and been one. I have lived past all my close family and most relatives.

i was a decent child. I left home after graduating from college. The loosing track of my parents process took maybe 10 years. My older brother took care of my mother till her end. She died 90years old on her birthday. Hospital bills, etc, nothing much left.

As a parent i tried to give as many life experiences to the daughter as possible. I was not a god like figure head but not prone to fail either. Supported her through college. I tried to be the person with out scorn, someone she could go to if needed and talk about her self, friends and lovers. I ultimately divorced my wife and now live the second half of my life a lot different with my partner.

please live your life along lines generating the least regrets.
Keep people around you, as this is the only way you can exercise the self love in you. use it or loose it.

[Pix]

First, I'm an authoritative parent, but that's not to be confused with authoritarian. The difference is the authoritarian says, "Because I said so" and "might makes right" whereas authoritative encourage independent thinking in their children and want the reasoning of the rules to be understood and show a lot more flexibility and realizing a child has to grow up rather than "a child is a child until 18 and then magically becomes an adult."

Recently I saw the Evil Dead which my 10-year-old wanted to see, but I told him not to count on it (though I have allowed him to watch R-rated before, but I usually think about it awhile before I allow it), and after seeing it I told him I wasn't taking him and I forbid him from seeing it with anyone else. I gave him the many reasons (and not just "it's too graphic & gory" though that was one of them, and definitely not "because I said so"), though he didn't take it well (strange, he's usually a good sport about it) and had a meltdown over it. When he yelled insults at me I didn't smack him for his impudence I put him in his room to calm down (he's a child, impulse control and handling his emotions is still something he's learning), and he was mad at me for days over it, but I didn't say, "Fine, you can see it, just stop pouting." Had he given me reasons why he SHOULD be allowed to see it that made sense to me (even after his tantrum), I'd have listened and gave his reasons due consideration, and if I didn't agree I'd say why. I made the call, gave him my reasons for it (and would've listened to counter-arguments), and I expected him to abide by it (though I'm aware he might've snuck in to see it on his own, after all I snuck into my first R-rated movie when I was 11). In any case I may have been a bit of a hard ass on him about it, but he knows well my reasoning for my decision and I am flexible about it, which is an important difference from an authoritarian parent which yours sound more like.

I even have a game I play with the kids, once in awhile I'll say something absurd to see if they can catch it, or at least ask for clarification, and if they do within a couple of minutes before I let them know, I'll give him or her a dollar. It's just one way to encourage them not to be too gullible, especially just because an authority figure said so. I expect this game would horrify authoritarian parents who'd rather have a drone who obeys without question.



Ok, that said...my parents were the neglectful kind (who could turn abusive if I demanded attention), and I do get a little sad about that sometimes (more so when I was younger, I recall spending one father's day in a funk over it). Granny, OTOH, whom I lived with off and on for years growing up, was different, and her disappointment in me was crushing. And when I let her know I was gay I felt terrible as she acted as if I'd lost a limb and blamed herself and my upbringing for me turning out that way. Sure she loved me, but she also saw me as damaged and feeling sorry for both me and herself, and that hurt a lot (though I hid it from her, I know she means well and can't help the way she feels). ETA: As for how I dealt with it I just kept loving her and she me and we keep going. We're most vulnerable to those we love and thus they can hurt us the most even when they don't mean to so I think of it as a "every rose has its thorns" and deal.

[trywait]

where do i begin?

technically, i was adopted before i was 1. all my life, whom i thought was my real family wasnt. i only found out about my adoption in 2003 at the age of 22. i should really count my lucky stars because the only family i have ever known is my adoptive family and i grew up in a very loving home and never felt like an outsider.

my grandparents primarily raised me and i cherish them more than anything! the two of them have always supported me! since my lola passed away in 1999, my mom has been the primary care giver of her dad. when i look at their dynamics, i can only pray and hope that i can have that same relationship....esp now that my grandpa is at the sunset of life.

after i left home in 2004, my relationship with my mom has only improved. beyond being a parent, she is also my advisor and confidant. hopefully, if i ever have children, i can only emulate my mum, lola, and lolo.

[Chase]

My dad died. My mom, brother, and I are sad.

[Kumuo]

Raised by my mom till she got remarried wen i was twelve. Im the baby and spoiked. Still am. But im more grateful now and appreciative of all they gave me an continue to give me

[cardiganwearer]

Raised by my mom till she got remarried wen i was twelve. Im the baby and spoiked. Still am. But im more grateful now and appreciative of all they gave me an continue to give me

Forgive my cultural illiteracy, but is that a Hawaiian thing? mile:

[Tyrion]

Wow, to the main poster (and others), I feel for you.

Not to get too much into it, but my father was an abusive alcoholic who beat my mother on a daily basis. I was born with a birth defect which caused weak bones.. and he even broke my arm in a drunken rage at one point, or so I was told. Luckily, my mom left after that.. but truth is.. parents are rarely if ever perfect. I've not spoken to or have had any contact with my father since age 5.. and I'm fine with that. I still love my mother, but we have issues. My sister has decided to cut off all ties, simply because she cannot get over the abuse she had to deal with growing up. It's the only way she could move on with her life.

I'm no professional by any means, but I guess the only way to deal with it is to worry about your own life and concentrate on yourself. When you come from a household of abuse / struggle / etc / all you can really do is work to better your own life and create something for yourself. Whether you forgive or not, is entirely up to you.

[Genersis]

I get along ok with my parents.

Though I do not like how strict they raised me.
I still can't oppose them most of the time, it's like I'm programmed not to.
I just can't forgive and forget what they did(It was nothing serious comparative to the stories here.); so I can't help but feel that sours how I view them.