Heartbroken

[scottyboy]

Good afternoon,

I have never posted to an online forum about anything like this before, but I'm having such difficulty with my current situation, that I end up in tears if I speak to someone I know!


I have been seeing an older guy (hes 47, im 26) for just over eight months. We had agreed at the start that things were going to be casual, as we were both recently out of long term relationships.

Since things started, they have been great- we have had holidays, birthdays, valentines..the whole lot. There is one issue- He has major hangups about our age-gap.

A couple of weeks ago, he told me that things wouldn't work out between us, has he felt that he would be embarrassed to introduce me to his family, take me to work events etc., due to what they would think about him being with someone who could technically be he son.

He has, however, integrated me into his closest circle of friends.

When he told me this, I had to tell him how I really felt- I have fallen in love with him. I have felt this way since early December. It wasn't what I was looking for, or what I was wanting, but it happened. My every waking moment is spent thinking about him, and I am in tears just typing this.

The worst part is that he cant seem to agree that things can be worked with, he says that his feelings wont ever change- I don't think that can be true of anyone surely?

There are still moments where I get a glimpse of what he could truly be feeling- the moment he stopped me in the middle of a busy park, and hugged me- squeezed me. From my experience, you don't do that to someone you just want to be friends with. The moments where I catch him just looking at me from the corner of my eye. The texts every night to say good night..

I am torn. Devastated. Heartbroken. I have been fighting for him for what feels like an eternity, and cant find a way to stop myself thinking of him. If I was to move on and find someone else, he would be on the back of my mind- not fair on the other person or me.

Im not asking for a huge commitment, or for him to marry me. All I ever wanted was things to be the way they were. I want the man that I could make laugh, smile, relax. I want the man that I could laze the day away, just holding each other on the couch and falling asleep.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Much Love
Scott
x

[Nick9]

Hi Scott, welcome to GS

Im not asking for a huge commitment, or for him to marry me. All I ever wanted was things to be the way they were. I want the man that I could make laugh, smile, relax. I want the man that I could laze the day away, just holding each other on the couch and falling asleep.

And he said you couldn't have that? What is it that you have right now then? Are you friends? Or "sex-buddies" or how you call it in English?

[pellaz]

I don't think large age differences are good for a long term relationship.

That being said I think he needs to think in terms of all the good a fresh set of eyes can bring into his life. His success explaining this to his family may be limited by some sort of internal homophobia he has with them. His life as a gay man has not been as easy as yours...

Off the shelf but hope this helps

[scottyboy]

He never said that we couldn't have that ,no.

What we have just now is being in each others company more often than not, sharing things, the intimacy, passion...

not quite sure what you would call it!

[Nick9]

I was wondering why you were heartbroken... Because he said that he wouldn't fall for you? Because he might implied that this would be just a short relationship?

What is it that hurts you? That you seem to be more in love than he is?