Can we be friends?

[luckystar86]

Hello everyone. I’m new to this site and I was wondering if I could have a few peoples opinions on something that’s happening in my life.

To cut it short I came out about 3 years ago, my family accepted it and things have been ok. I met a man who I became friends with. We were very close and then we slept together. It changed things, but we tried to be simply friends (as he was planning to travel to Australia and he felt that a relationship under those cicumatances would not be a good idea, and I have to admit I see his logic)

He was away for 7 months and in that time we kept in touch practically every day via some means. During that time my heart ached for him but eventually I started to accept we were just friends and I even went on a date with another man.

He came back and we resumed our friendship and everything was great until we slept together again. After a lot of heavy discussion and upset we agreed to give it a go as a couple.

That was about 7 months ago and although we’ve had a lot of good times we’ve had a lot of unease too. I know deep in my heart that I like him more than he likes me. We love each other, but it’s a plutonic love. I suggested yesterday (after another heavy discussion) that we go back to simply friends. He has a lot of other problems in his life and he’s planning on moving to England at some stage in the not too distant future.

My question is, is it possible with so much baggage and pain behind us, can we be friends? I love him so much and don’t want to loose him from my life, but the idea of him with another man makes me sick to my stomach. Would a clean break be the best option? Is it possible he will realise or discover in the future he has more feelings for me?

What do you think?

[historical]

if you love him n he loves you - there shouldn't be so much pain - give each other a break and if the feelings are still as strong you'll want to be with each other no matter what - or you'll realise you had something good while it lasted but it is time to move on - heal yourself and the next big romance may just be around the corner (with less baggage) - good luck

[OrphanPip]

I can relate to this situation, I broke up with an ex of mine because he also moved out of the country and the longdistance thing just wasn't working. We remain in contact as friends, but the dynamic is never quite the same, and its a bummer because we were great friends before being a relationship. Time heals all wounds and you'll feel better about the way your friendship has changed because of the experience, its possible to still be friends but it is probably going to have to be a different kind of friendship with more distance (figuratively) between you.

[Rainbowmum]

Best way to sort this out ,picture him with another man .

Could you handle that?

[MisterTinkles]

I think you both need to talk to a counselor to find out what the problem(s) is/are.

Theres something there blocking both of you. Even if you have plenty of talks with each other, you both might not see what someone else could.

If you have any local gay/lesbian organizations in your area, I would see if they have a couples counselor and see what their conclusion is. If they have several couselors, I would talk with at least three to get different viewpoints.

Then you both can better figure out whats going on between you two and go from there.