My "best friend"

[Armandork]

Well, mind you this is just a rant and I'm very frustrated so expect some kind of level of incoherency. Anyway, this has a bit of a story too it. My best friend (don't consider her that anymore) Is a druggie, like always on drugs. This essentially doesn't bother me, I'm straight edge, but that's just my choice and because I'm under age and the biggiest scardy cat in existence, I take her out on dates a lot! Like I pay for her meal, I am always trying to hang out watching movies with her ectra. She has always gone to me when she's upset I've always been the shoulder to cry on. So, the problem starts here, I take her out to prom, and at first I'm all happy and we had a great dinner, up until the dance. While we were there she showed little interest in dancing with me (mainly because I didn't want to grind and everyone else was) so I'm trying to dance normally with her (mind you I payed for a 50$ dinner and her 50$ ticket and the ride to the prom another 50$) I find out she instead wants to dance with my friend Charlie leaving me at the table alone for 3 dances. Not only did this tick me off but I later found out she was on acid, she does this everytime I want to take her out. She can't ever have fun with me being sober and this just... Pissed me off. I didn't let it ruin the night and continued staying positive. She eventually saw Charlie dance with a girl (he doesn't even like her and she doesn't like hin) so this upset her to the point of her running to the bathroom crying, ruining the night for everyone around. She over reacts to everything, all the time. She makes a huge crying production from everything. So eventually prom ends I got a few good dances and managed to keep positive and leave with a good feeling after dropping her off. So now more recent.

Snoopy is the musical I participated and acted in as Linus. Anyway she and the cast planned on going to mugs n jugs after as a cast part (btw she was high while watching)y. She ends up after the show upset over something stupid as "your mom treats me like an adult" because my mom told me she would drive Melissa home but tried to change her mind and this upset her to the point of depression and tears. My mom was fine on doing it she was just testing the waters to see if she could get out of it. So we go to mugs and shes all depressed (after she ranted to me about it) so I sit next to my friend (snoopy) and talked with her awhile and then Melissa decided she wanted to go home. I understood and let her use my phone to call her mom to pick her up. After that I made a call to my mom telling her Melissa got a ride an in exchange I wanted to stay later since she didn't need to drop her off. Melissa the following Monday yelled at me for this saying "she isn't a useless party present." I'm fed up with her. Am I wrong?
I told her I don't want anything to do with her anymore and I'm sick of the negativity.

[Nick9]

LOL nice...

Well, you two being friends doesn't mean you have to make her company all the time. We have just your version, and it doesn't say much about the reason why she behaves like she does. She may be a spoiled kid or an unhappy person, biting others to hide the right feelings and to not being hurt. (Attack is the best defense). It's hard to tell, but I think (if you ever want to talk to her), you could tell her why this friendship hurts you and what you don't like and ask her if she is willing / able to work on that.

[Armandork]

LOL nice...

Well, you two being friends doesn't mean you have to make her company all the time. We have just your version, and it doesn't say much about the reason why she behaves like she does. She may be a spoiled kid or an unhappy person, biting others to hide the right feelings and to not being hurt. (Attack is the best defense).

You're right you do just have my story. I'm just frustrated and needed a place to vent and idk if saying what I did was right. She was my bestfriend of 4 years we do a lot together.

She isn't spoiled but she's just naturally very over dramatic. :/

[Nick9]

She isn't spoiled but she's just naturally very over dramatic. :/

Why do you think it is? Is she not self-confident? Is she afraid that otherwise nobody would notice her? She craves attention. Why?

I am not trying to tell you she is a poor fluffy kitten Maybe he is simply manipulative. But even that would have its reasons. It's up to you if you want to know those motives and reasons and work on them with her, or if you let her to grow older and deal with her behavior on her own.
I think that both ways are ok

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Addicts have issues, serious issues. I'm an addict in recovery, I have been down that road and I know exactly where she is mentally. Most likely in deep denial of her 'little problem' and in horror will realize later, way down the road that she is acting horribly and will regret it.

This is no different than anxiety issues, depression, bi-polar issues - meaning its a psychological issue which does tend to bleed over into everything else.

Addiction/Alcoholism is a sickness, and like other mental health issues it isn't going to go away on its own and she most likely will need help to deal with it.

People who think addiction is not an illness (disease) don't understand how it affects a person. Its like any other mental health illness, it needs professional help. The behaviors are often mixed with other underlying issues. Clearly she has other issues, but most likely will not face them and deal with them in a normative (healthy) manner until she stops using/abusing drugs.

If you want to continue being her friend then YOU need to go to alanon/Alateen and find meetings for friends and loved ones of addicts.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ These are meetings for YOU - not her. They most likely will tell you about tough love, setting reasonable limits and accepting that there is absolutely nothing you can do to help her until she wants help.

She clearly has other issues and uses drugs to self medicate, that is a very common thing with over 90% of alcoholics and addicts using/drinking to treat underlying issues like PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, social and self esteem issues.

You are most likely going to have to set some hard limits here, painful ones for both of you. Tell her you can't keep doing 'this' with her, and until she gets help you can't have her around when she is high/on drugs, drunk whatever. Its the tough love part.

You can't change her, only she can change herself, and that will come when she understands she has a problem and wants things to change.

Yes you expended hundreds of dollars, lost out big time that way, plus you have a ruined night. This isn't going to stop happening until she seeks help.

This is a learning experience for you, accept it as that. How you proceed from here is up to you. I do hope you go to http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ and find meetings for yourself to get a better idea of what you can do for you, and ultimately for her.

I assure you, whatever you are doing now isn't working and it won't work. I'm sorry. This is her problem and your 'help' most likely will hinder.

[historical]

hope you sort it ;-)

[Armandork]

Why do you think it is? Is she not self-confident? Is she afraid that otherwise nobody would notice her? She craves attention. Why?

I am not trying to tell you she is a poor fluffy kitten Maybe he is simply manipulative. But even that would have its reasons. It's up to you if you want to know those motives and reasons and work on them with her, or if you let her to grow older and deal with her behavior on her own.
I think that both ways are ok

Thanks, She's just really naturally over dramatic, she's always been that way... Every small problem is a huge issue for her. I think she craves attention, and is slightly confident, as from previous discussions with her.
I just am sick of dealing with the drama.
Thank you again.

[Armandork]

I assure you, whatever you are doing now isn't working and it won't work. I'm sorry. This is her problem and your 'help' most likely will hinder.

I really do appreciate your reply, but I can't attempt to change her, she's beyond something I can deal with at this point and I've tried before. So I'm just going to distance myself from her. I have no intention on "Helping" her, as I don't see her as an addict she doesn't do it ALL the time. Just whenever WE are hanging out alone she'll do it before we meet... She's never alone with me and sober. :/