Feelings of worthlessness

[Anonymous]

Has anyone ever felt so horrid about themselves that they just wish they would fade from memory and be forgotten for all time?

I thought my life would have had some sense of meaning or purpose by this point, but it doesn't. Outside of the (very) few people I write to online, I have no friends - literally, none. I'm unemployed and can't seem to get my foot into the door despite trying every tactic I can think of to make myself appear desirable to potential employees. My family is estranged from me because of my sexuality and refuses to speak with me. When I do find someone willing to listen and hopefully offer advice, they dismiss my feelings as "having a pity party for myself" and to "quit being such a fucking whiny pussy!" I didn't think reaching out and hoping someone would grasp my hand was construed as having a pity party.

To top things off, I have alienated old friends due to mental problems I have had in the past and I don't think they will ever forgive me. The few times I have tentatively tried to reach out and patch things up have been met with a cold and detached demeanor.

I just want to know if anyone else has ever just felt like lying down and giving up, and what they did to make themselves feel better. I'm not suicidal or anything like that, but I really don't care about much of anything anymore. I'm tired of my life being in such ruins, and I'm tired of being lonely, depressed and alone. What can I do to pull myself out of the gutter and get to feeling better? Any advice....anything at all is appreciated from the bottom of my heart.

[dvdbwn]

i would say find yourself a therapist of some sort if you don't already have one. they have a lot of stigma attachment to them but i think anyone and everyone can benefit from having one. you need someone who will listen, who has no ulterior motives, and will offer you strategic advice. you can research them ahead of time and find one who is suitable to you and your needs. he/or she will help delve into your relationship issues.

i have issues with feeling worthless. it's actually my trigger word and i'll fixate on it. i started seeing a therapist last fall. one of my professors said that it's important for everyone in my field to have one and to learn how to take care of ourselves. i really processed this as it being "ok" to go to one. it really took the stigma out of it for me.

who exactly are you seeking advice from that has such a negative perspective? you don't want to scare off new people in your life by overwhelming them. other than that you need to find a way to get past negative relationships and past mistakes. each day is a new opportunity to start over and find new people. maybe even relocate to find a new job.

you can do it and you are worthwhile. we just need to get you out of your rut!

much love!
db

[Wade]

I think the most important thing to know is that these feelings are more common than you can possibly imagine. No one has it together, even though it may seem as though everyone has life figured out except you. What's that Billy Joel line? "They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone." I'll refer you to a thread I made a couple of nights ago in a moment of existential panic to prove my point. I was in an eerily similar mood and everyone had fantastic advice.

http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=25289

Another thing to keep in mind, even though you probably will want to punch me when I say this, is that your feelings right now, and whatever your life circumstances are, are temporary. The worst thing you can do is convince yourself that you're trapped, be it in your unemployment, your loneliness, or by the lies that your brain is telling yourself.

Sometimes you have to just ride this shit out and know that it's not real. And if you're like me, then idleness is one of the worst possible ingredients in your mental milkshake. If you're having trouble finding employment, then spend your free time volunteering at the SPCA or a homeless shelter, or go audition for a community theatre. You'll meet people too. Just keep moving. Always keep moving.

As for your "friends," they're dicks. Fuck 'em.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have feelings of worthlessness because you see I was told about a trillion and one times that I was/am worthless. I think its Sixty-two thousand four hundred [I]repetitions make one truth. [/I]Brave New World.... good book.
By the time I moved out from my parent's homes (plural), I was well into the 'truth telling' mode and reinforced the 'truth' that I was worthless (amongst other things).

What I did wrong is I focused on alcohol and drugs in order to feel better about myself instead of doing healthier things, like remembering to tell myself I am worth something, that I am a decent fella, that I am a good person, that I do deserve better than ________ (fill in the blank).

So here lies part of the problem, YOU see YOU as worthless and you are telling yourself that over and over again (remember 62,400 repetitions make one truth). This is going to carry over in how you carry yourself, how you act and behave with others and they will pick up on a deeper level that you think you are 'worthless' so they will start treating you as worthless too.

It becomes a vicous cycle, and if you have depression/anxiety or a social disorder then its going to become a self feeding frenzy where you will sink deeper and deeper into this sense that you are worthless and you will be able to pull up a lot of 'examples' of how true that is.

A therapist will basically tell you that you need to start self affirming yourself. The Therapist may help you to uncover this gem over the course of a hundred or so sessions, and they may come up with things like 'do self affirmations in the mirror each morning'.

However you do not need to break this chain with a therapist. You can do it all on your own, if you can remember to check your attitude at the door. Meaning when you find yourself affirming you are 'worthless' change it around and remind yourself you are worth-full.

No its not easy, yes it takes a long time to develop any sense of self worth. Yes you will feel pretty stupid standing in front of the mirror doing your daily shave telling that guy in the mirror 'Sir, you really are one hot daddy!' or 'You are a great guy, full of wonderful thoughts!' or 'You know, I bet no one else on this side of the globe is as great a person as you are!' There are a lot of other phrases and crap you can tell yourself - most of it is at least partially true...

I have no idea what you other issues are, however depression/anxiety/social disorders like introversion can be dealt with through therapy.

Understand if you are an introvert that doesn't make you a bad person. Our sick society is all for extroversion, rewards extroverts and makes it appear to be the best thing in the world. however the world got that wrong: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/articl...site-.html

Apparently, being an introvert is better than being and extrovert. If we weren't so shy we would say something like 'Up yours you damned extroverts'.... but apparently we are too nice to say things like that.

[Aeneas]

it can't get worse than this, is what i used to tell myself.


i found that line of thought so liberating... drew my fears away.

[MisterTinkles]

You've pretty much described the 1980's from my life.

This is something YOU have to break out of. You can go to all the therapy in the world, you can whine and cry and pity yourself all day and night, but it doesnt change the fact that YOU are the one who has to make the changes.

You can tell us about your problems, and we can all give you our suggestions, but again....its something YOU have to do. Its your life, nobody else is in charge of it.

Pretty much the entire 1980's was my own little "pity party" with the same feelings you described. One day I just got tired of it all and said "fuck it". Im going to do what I want to do, and if life, mother nature, and all the pissants on this planet dont like it, they can go suck a tailpipe!

I spent three years fighting my inner demons, losing weight, saving up for a new car, and getting a tan.
And at the end of those three years, I felt SOOO much better.

I still lived in a shithole apartment, and had a shit job, but at least I was making money. Money that was mine, that I could do with whatever I wanted.

Ive also been out of work and stuck in a place with no outlet for my emotional state, but I beat that too.
Theres a job out there for you, you just have to find it. It might take a while, but you WILL find it. It might not be the perfect job, but it will be something to do. Something to make some money at, so you CAN go out and do things you want to do.

Its SOOOOOO EASY to sit around feeling sorry for yourself, but its HARD to take control of yourself and make yourself do whats right. But you CAN do it! The first month is hard, but after that, you have pretty much made it a part of your life and you just dont think about it anymore.

There are tons of free things to do if you live in a big town or city...you just have to find them.

Hell, even a 1000 piece puzzle will keep you busy for a week or so.

Read books. Learn how to do something by reading books. Learn a trade online....there are some free resources out there. And again, all you have to do is search.

Dont sit around the house, get out and volunteer someplace. Animal shelters, old folks homes, hospitals, etc..... Who knows, a volunteer position may lead you to a full time job.

If you sit around and DO NOTHING, you will BE nothing.

You have to get up and get out, and make yourself DO SOMETHING.