05-11-2013, 03:16 AM
Has anyone ever felt so horrid about themselves that they just wish they would fade from memory and be forgotten for all time?
I thought my life would have had some sense of meaning or purpose by this point, but it doesn't. Outside of the (very) few people I write to online, I have no friends - literally, none. I'm unemployed and can't seem to get my foot into the door despite trying every tactic I can think of to make myself appear desirable to potential employees. My family is estranged from me because of my sexuality and refuses to speak with me. When I do find someone willing to listen and hopefully offer advice, they dismiss my feelings as "having a pity party for myself" and to "quit being such a fucking whiny pussy!" I didn't think reaching out and hoping someone would grasp my hand was construed as having a pity party.
To top things off, I have alienated old friends due to mental problems I have had in the past and I don't think they will ever forgive me. The few times I have tentatively tried to reach out and patch things up have been met with a cold and detached demeanor.
I just want to know if anyone else has ever just felt like lying down and giving up, and what they did to make themselves feel better. I'm not suicidal or anything like that, but I really don't care about much of anything anymore. I'm tired of my life being in such ruins, and I'm tired of being lonely, depressed and alone. What can I do to pull myself out of the gutter and get to feeling better? Any advice....anything at all is appreciated from the bottom of my heart.
I thought my life would have had some sense of meaning or purpose by this point, but it doesn't. Outside of the (very) few people I write to online, I have no friends - literally, none. I'm unemployed and can't seem to get my foot into the door despite trying every tactic I can think of to make myself appear desirable to potential employees. My family is estranged from me because of my sexuality and refuses to speak with me. When I do find someone willing to listen and hopefully offer advice, they dismiss my feelings as "having a pity party for myself" and to "quit being such a fucking whiny pussy!" I didn't think reaching out and hoping someone would grasp my hand was construed as having a pity party.
To top things off, I have alienated old friends due to mental problems I have had in the past and I don't think they will ever forgive me. The few times I have tentatively tried to reach out and patch things up have been met with a cold and detached demeanor.
I just want to know if anyone else has ever just felt like lying down and giving up, and what they did to make themselves feel better. I'm not suicidal or anything like that, but I really don't care about much of anything anymore. I'm tired of my life being in such ruins, and I'm tired of being lonely, depressed and alone. What can I do to pull myself out of the gutter and get to feeling better? Any advice....anything at all is appreciated from the bottom of my heart.