social advice.

[hank]

I am in a police academy and we are taking about multiculturalism and how to be respectful of things which you are biased against. In this I am supposed to discuss a time I was discriminated against I thought of about fifty instances involving my sexuality. I am out mostly, i don't run around introducing myself as hank the bisexual guy, but I am wondering if this is the next level of being out. Or if I should pick another point to discuss.

Thoughts?

[dvdbwn]

it probably is the next step, but that's up to you, really.

i never talked about my sexuality at work/school. but at some point it just because overly laborious to come out over and over again. when i started grad school we had to go around and introduce ourselves to the whole class so i just up and introduced myself as gay and that way it was done with. i didn't have to do it 150 more times and when someone invited me to lunch i already knew they didn't care.

but if you're worrying about it, it might be worth waiting. there are tons of topics to discuss in regards to culture. it's hard to say without knowing, have you talked about sexual minorities at all in class? if so, how was the climate?

[hank]

Well its a police academy full of men, several gay jokes and even a bisexual joke or two was tossed around, students laughed, but I am not sure. I Haven't come out to many people that I don't know and I am a bit scared about it. Not sure how it will be received, but I don't want to be a closet case the while time I am in this career. On the other hand I do not want to be viewed as a freak either by people I may need.

[Geminize]

That's a tough one, Hank. It's great to imagine you coming out with them now and being the guy they get to know and trust, changing hearts and minds, making those gay and bi jokes disappear. I don't think anyone here is going to tell you to to that, though. It depends on you. Maybe it's better they get to know and trust you first, then process that fact at a later date. Coming out is such an individual thing.

I don't think there's a right or wrong choice. Just be comfortable with the choice you make.

[hank]

That's a tough one, Hank. It's great to imagine you coming out with them now and being the guy they get to know and trust, changing hearts and minds, making those gay and bi jokes disappear. I don't think anyone here is going to tell you to to that, though. It depends on you. Maybe it's better they get to know and trust you first, then process that fact at a later date. Coming out is such an individual thing.

I don't think there's a right or wrong choice. Just be comfortable with the choice you make.

I am a bit uncomfortable with it, worried that I will be ostracized is that an indicator that I should wait?

[LateBloomer]

I always say trust your gut.

If your gut says wait, the time is not right, you should probably listen.

Good luck.

[dfiant]

Hank, you wont get a yes or no from me, but I will say if you comfortable in yourself then using your personal experiences with discrimination will make you a stronger person...and weed out the cops that are going to be a problem in the future.

[Ekwarph]

I'm still young and I'm not working yet so I may be not able to understand, but I don't understand why one would need to talk about his sexuality at work. I think it's very private life actually.

[archubbycub]

I only tell those I know are comfortable talking about it that I'm gay. I don't try to hide the fact that I am. Lord knows I did that long enough! But if I know that someone is comfortable talking about it then I'm more than willing to share the "not so personable" details. In fact, I find it very liberating being able to share with others about my life and my experiences with coming out and dealing with all the "baggage" that comes with it all. Almost like coming out all over again! But it's one of those things that you have to really be able to pick up on the social cues when you're talking to someone about it. And that can be tough sometimes as well. And when I sense that someone is getting uncomfortable with talking about it, I back off. You have to be the one to judge whether it's the right time and place though.

Hope my rambling helps you some how!

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hi Hank,

Coming out in the workplace is one of the toughest decisions you will ever make. Your choice of profession doesn't make that decision any easier.

At the end of the day its really your call on whether you want to stand up and tell a bunch of people you don't know about your sexuality. What I usually do when I join a new company is wait a few months, then tell a few select individual and leave it at that. What I don't do is go in on day one telling everyone my sexuality. Its really none of their business, and I would rather be judged on my performance in the workplace than be judged on my sexuality.

Good Luck with your decision. Whatever YOU choose is the right decision

ObW
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