So came out to my girlfriend....

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hi Mac and to the forum.

Congratulations on having the balls (sic) to come out to your gf. That was undoubtedly one of the hardest things you will have to do.

Take things one day at a time with her. The news and implications of what you've told her have to sink in.

What you have to really ask yourself honestly is, "am I gay?" A lot of gay men find it much easier to come out as bi simply because that seems "better" than coming out as gay, and I completely understand why.

Coming out as Bi will change the dynamics of your relationship, but if you both feel the relationship is worth moving forward with, then you will work through the challenges and emerge as a much stronger couple.

Good Luck

ObW
X

[Counselor]

What you have to really ask yourself hostly is, "am I gay?" A lot of gay men find it much easier to come out as bi simply because that seems "better" than coming out as gay, and I completely understand why.

I understand the reason behind it, but the flipside is the problem:
I asked my ex-wife when I came out if she thought it would be better if I said I thought I was bi, and she said, "No, because then it's not about what you want, it's because I'm not enough."

[kokomoloko79]

Are you two open to an open relationship? If you want to have a physical relationship with men but hang onto her I don't see too many other options.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

"...but there are guys out there that are just sooooo good looking that i could just eat them up"

I'm sorry, being a little over weight is not an issue - What is the real issue here is your propensity for cannibalism, that I fear is an issue. Wanting to eat people up - well very few cultures accept that sort of behavior, and I believe that its illegal in all of the advanced societies.


As for the bisexuality thing - I fail to see how this changes your current relationship.

In my mind a committed monogamous relationship is that no matter the inclinations of the individuals involved. Being Bi does not give one a free pass to go fuck whomever, whenever they want. It does, however, give them a wider population of potential mates to choose from when they are single.

You are no more missing out on anything than the married straight guy who is surrounded by beautiful, sexy, single women all day long at work. Yeah sure, he most likely is chomping at the bit, and would love to explore each and every individual potential there, but because he has that marriage thing going on he refrains from doing so.

The same thing applies to you, however you just have both genders to look at wistfully.

Humans do not do monogamy in relationships because it is easy. Monogamy is not the natural state for humans. Monogamy is such a big deal and so special because it is hard to maintain and it demonstrates to our partner a deeper commitment. It is a sacrifice that we 'give' freely in order to demonstrate our love, affection, commitment.

This isn't the same thing as being a gay man in a straight relationship where the guy is with the 'wrong' gender for his needs. You are bi and in the unique situation of where neither gender is inherently 'wrong' for you.

And it definitely doesn't give you a hall pass on the social taboos of your culture. There shall be no cannibalism mister.... Don't do it.

[ZackT]

I came out as Bi to my girlfriend awhile ago. I was scared too.

She didn't ask me if I was sure, she said "I kinda knew all along, I was just selfishly hoping you'd never realize it for yourself". She also asked me if I needed to experiment with men or what this meant for US.

I reassured her that just because I'm Bi doesn't mean I suddenly want to go off and get fucked in the ass. I mean, I DO, but it's not worth throwing away our relationship for. She's had to work through it for alittle while after I told her, but it's ok.

I haven't told my parents because I don't feel the need to. I'm pretty sure it'd ultimately be ok, but I figure there's no reason to right now because I'm engaged to a woman. If it ever happens that I end up with a man, yea I'll let them know.


Anyway, like you said, if she can't get over it then it wasn't meant to be. In the meantime, just reassuring her that you're with her and not others is the best thing to do.

[mac]

Sorry its been awhile since I posted, it was rough sailing between me and her for a while she understood finally but she broke it off with me a few months back and ive been depressed. We are still friends which I can take over not talking to her ever again. I realize now that our relationship wasnt going to last, not because she couldn't accept me but the magic wasnt there anymore. Thanks everybody for their support in this thread it means a whole lot to me. Hopefully I can find someone again.

[Dan1980]

Sorry its been awhile since I posted, it was rough sailing between me and her for a while she understood finally but she broke it off with me a few months back and ive been depressed. We are still friends which I can take over not talking to her ever again. I realize now that our relationship wasnt going to last, not because she couldn't accept me but the magic wasnt there anymore. Thanks everybody for their support in this thread it means a whole lot to me. Hopefully I can find someone again.

I am sorry that your girlfriend broke up with you. It's good that your still friends.

[pellaz]

... rough sailing between me and her for a while she understood finally but she broke it off with me ...

your gay thus not likely to change. once they see that it must be frustrating.

there is a married guy here jonsing to come out to his wife, same thing will happen to him.

coming out to girl friends or your wife is a balance of things for you (want to honest) but long term pushes the girl out of your life.

again sorry.

[26hughsie]

As long as you both love each other mate, and be true

[Jason111]

This is probably gonna sound horrible, but if you're bisexual and want to have a girlfriend - keep it to yourself. When you are with her, you are straight. You have sex, you love her, you're like any other straight guy. However, the fact that she knows that you'd fuck another guy just freaks her out... it's almost as if you told her you're completely gay.

Coming out to girlfriends/wives is a total ridicule, if you ask me.

Good luck anyway.