My Story (I hope it helps others)
05-29-2013, 07:35 AM
Hello all! I am new here and have already done the whole intro post thing, but now I want to give my story in deeper detail. This is the story of my process of coming out to myself and to those I am closest too, excluding parents. It may be longish, if so, sorry.
First of all, all my life I have been attracted to males, even before puberty. I grew up with it and had to hide it because in my family such a thing is taboo. I thought many guy friends were cute and even did some stuff, but I will not get into that as it is not appropriate for this site. Anyway, once I got older I realized that I was different, that is when I began to suppress my feelings. I went years and years holding back the feelings. I even tried to force myself to be attracted to girls. I got so far as to have a girlfriend, I was never sexually attracted to her, however. As much as I tried to be attracted to girls nothing worked, so I basically just forgot about the need to be with someone. For years I was alone and simply tried not to think about my desire to be in a relationship. If someone would have asked me if I were gay at this point I would have said NO, with truthful intent. My suppression was so deep that I did not even admit to myself that I was gay. But after transferring to the University of Texas at Austin something changed. I was in my film class and it was the 2nd or 3rd week. I was looking down at the first row and then I saw him. I was blown away. All the suppression and denial disappeared right then and there and I knew for sure that I was not straight. Simply put, it was completely undeniable at this point. I found him to be the most attractive person I had ever seen. Of course, I had to meet him. I was shy and unsure but I eventually met him and we hit it off well. He was very nice and I began to like him at a deeper emotional level. This was a breakthrough for me because I had never allowed myself to ever get this attracted to a guy before. Usually what I would do was just try and forget about whomever I was attracted to. But I could not forget about him; he was so cute and nice. I spent most of the time thinking about him and just waiting for my next opportunity to be with him. I thought about what I would do if he turned out to be gay and if he wanted to be with me. I decided that if that were the case I would get into a relationship with him in a heartbeat. Long story short, it did not work out like that, but meeting him and nearly falling in love with him allowed me to realize for myself that I am gay and it's ok.
At the same time that I was falling for that guy and fully realizing my sexuality, I was also needing someone to talk about all this to. I decided I was going to tell my cousin. I was nervous but I told him and then he surprised me back. It turns out he is gay too. Wow. Obviously I found my person to talk about all this with. He was a great help for me. I don't know how I would have survived without him in those first weeks that I was accepting my sexuality. I also told my brother. He was surprisingly supportive. There are five other people in my immediate family who I have not told, including my parents. The rest of them I know will not be as supportive as my liberal brother. But I know they will love me no matter what. I also told two other close friends who took it fairly well. Overall I was surprised at the reactions, which were mostly supportive and loving.
The hard part still lies ahead, telling parents. They will be crushed but they will still love me, I'm sure. As of right now I see no need to tell them or anyone else. The way I see it is once you tell someone and put it out there you can never take it back. If I tell my parents and it goes poorly I can't take it back. Thus, it makes sense to wait awhile, there is no rush.
I will end this post with some advice; there is no rush! Like I was saying, don't go crazy telling people (I probably went too crazy telling 4 right off the bat, but I got lucky), once you do it's done. Wait, have patience and be tactful. But I will say this, you probably need to tell at least one person so you have someone to talk about it with. If you know who that one person in your life is who will love and support you no matter what, then tell them. You need someone to talk too, someone to confide in. Although, if you live in a country where you could be killed for being gay then you should probably not tell anyone!
Anyway, that is most of my story. Thanks for reading!
First of all, all my life I have been attracted to males, even before puberty. I grew up with it and had to hide it because in my family such a thing is taboo. I thought many guy friends were cute and even did some stuff, but I will not get into that as it is not appropriate for this site. Anyway, once I got older I realized that I was different, that is when I began to suppress my feelings. I went years and years holding back the feelings. I even tried to force myself to be attracted to girls. I got so far as to have a girlfriend, I was never sexually attracted to her, however. As much as I tried to be attracted to girls nothing worked, so I basically just forgot about the need to be with someone. For years I was alone and simply tried not to think about my desire to be in a relationship. If someone would have asked me if I were gay at this point I would have said NO, with truthful intent. My suppression was so deep that I did not even admit to myself that I was gay. But after transferring to the University of Texas at Austin something changed. I was in my film class and it was the 2nd or 3rd week. I was looking down at the first row and then I saw him. I was blown away. All the suppression and denial disappeared right then and there and I knew for sure that I was not straight. Simply put, it was completely undeniable at this point. I found him to be the most attractive person I had ever seen. Of course, I had to meet him. I was shy and unsure but I eventually met him and we hit it off well. He was very nice and I began to like him at a deeper emotional level. This was a breakthrough for me because I had never allowed myself to ever get this attracted to a guy before. Usually what I would do was just try and forget about whomever I was attracted to. But I could not forget about him; he was so cute and nice. I spent most of the time thinking about him and just waiting for my next opportunity to be with him. I thought about what I would do if he turned out to be gay and if he wanted to be with me. I decided that if that were the case I would get into a relationship with him in a heartbeat. Long story short, it did not work out like that, but meeting him and nearly falling in love with him allowed me to realize for myself that I am gay and it's ok.
At the same time that I was falling for that guy and fully realizing my sexuality, I was also needing someone to talk about all this to. I decided I was going to tell my cousin. I was nervous but I told him and then he surprised me back. It turns out he is gay too. Wow. Obviously I found my person to talk about all this with. He was a great help for me. I don't know how I would have survived without him in those first weeks that I was accepting my sexuality. I also told my brother. He was surprisingly supportive. There are five other people in my immediate family who I have not told, including my parents. The rest of them I know will not be as supportive as my liberal brother. But I know they will love me no matter what. I also told two other close friends who took it fairly well. Overall I was surprised at the reactions, which were mostly supportive and loving.
The hard part still lies ahead, telling parents. They will be crushed but they will still love me, I'm sure. As of right now I see no need to tell them or anyone else. The way I see it is once you tell someone and put it out there you can never take it back. If I tell my parents and it goes poorly I can't take it back. Thus, it makes sense to wait awhile, there is no rush.
I will end this post with some advice; there is no rush! Like I was saying, don't go crazy telling people (I probably went too crazy telling 4 right off the bat, but I got lucky), once you do it's done. Wait, have patience and be tactful. But I will say this, you probably need to tell at least one person so you have someone to talk about it with. If you know who that one person in your life is who will love and support you no matter what, then tell them. You need someone to talk too, someone to confide in. Although, if you live in a country where you could be killed for being gay then you should probably not tell anyone!
Anyway, that is most of my story. Thanks for reading!
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