At what age did you know you were gay?

[daisy]

I hope I am posting this in the right place and apologize if I'm not! I would love to know how old people were when they knew they were gay.

My 11 year old son told me he is gay (and for the record I am thrilled he trusts me and can share with me). Is it unusual to know this young? I hugged my son, told him that I loved him and that nothing will change that and he just had a big smile on his face and told me he was glad he told me and feels a weight off his shoulder. I told him that no matter what, I love him and that he is stuck with me

He also told his 14 year old sister and my daughter pretty much had the same reaction I did. She and he are very close. And then the 3 of us hugged.

I guess I have always assumed he probably was gay. From the time he was a toddler I just I had a feeling. Can't put my finger on it but it was there. I have just know. My 11 year old son and I are very close. My 2 older teenagers also assumed he was gay. My 16 year old son every year since he started high school particpates in the day of silence.

I have been very vocal about my support of gay marriage and have raised my kids to support equal rights for everybody. I vote my views and even would not let my boys join scouts due to their discrimintory practices.

My 11 year old follows the news about gay marriage very closely and keeps me updated in great detal. I asked him why and last year he told me that he was not sure if he wanted to marry a man or woman and wanted to option (not exactly typical for a 10 year old)

I just assumed he would not realize it until he was older.


So i would love to hear from people who are gay when they knew. Especially if you knew when very young. And how did you know for sure?

I am female and married to a man. (unhappily, lots and lots of stress). My kids are scared of my husband and my son asked me to not tell my husband. I have mentioned to my husband over the years that I would not be suprised if our youngest son is gay and my husbands reaction has been that is impossible because "there have never been any gay people in the family on either side" (I told him that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. And in addition to many reasons its dumb, I asked him how he knew that!)

My son asked me to not tell my husband what he told me his reaction. I promised him I would not break his confidence and that I would let him tell him when he is ready. That makes me sad that he does not want him to know, but I don't blame him knowing how my husband is.

My son is about to start 6th grade and I know from expeirence with my other kids, Jr. High is brutal. Any advice I can give him? He has had bullying issues in the past because is is a self described "nerdy smart kid".

I don't want to tell him to hide who he is, but don't want him to be hurt either. I don't know what the best advice for him would be. He is already super nervous about starting Jr. High.

To add to this, he does enjoy wearing girls clothing in the privacy of our home and has told me he sometimes wishes he was born a girl. He also had told me that he likes to pretend he is my daughter instead of son. Which makes me wonder if he has gender identity issues? Possible transgender rather than gay?

Its my understanding that being gay is about being attracted to the same gender. And he told me he likes boys. But the dressing like a girl , is that a common thing for gay boys? a When his older sister outgrew dresses he would snag them before they went to donation and I let him keep them (much to my husbands upset). He loves girly things and even as a small boy had no interest in sports or typical boy stuff and preferred barbies, dolls, etc.


I want to make it clear I support and love him no matter what, I just have nobody to talk to about these issues in my daily life and would really like to hear others opinions.

Sorry for the rambling post. I hope to hear others exeriences, perspectives, and mabe a bit of advice.

[Tyrion]

Firstly, I'd like to applaud you for being an awesome parent. That's great that your son is so comfortable coming to you and telling you how he feels. It's unfortunate however, that he cannot do the same to your husband.

In regard to your question, I knew that I was gay before I even knew what the word "gay" meant. For as long as I can remember I knew that I was different -- I never had an attraction to girls, and was always more curious when it came to boys of my own age. Despite this, I didn't really accept the fact that I was gay far later in life, I'm only now REALLY coming to terms with it and being okay with myself and my sexuality (and I'm 29 years old) -- but I can easily say that I pretty much always knew.

As for dressing in girls clothing, that I can't give insight to. I've never had an interest in girls clothing, so I don't know how typical that is amongst gay boys. I hope others can give you more insight on that.

Anyway I wish you and your family the best. It's great that you're here and asking questions -- and again, thank you for being a great mom !

[Bowyn Aerrow]

A lot of people just 'know' what they are at an early age.

In generations past a lot of 'LGBT' hid it from themselves because they were raised in an intolerant environment and reminded nearly daily that being LGBT was just wrong.


Dressing as a girl isn't a gay thing. Boys of all orientations will try on mom's clothes - not all of them....

His wanting to be a girl... That may be signalling a transgender/transsexual leaning. However it may be just a passing interest or his trying to reconcile what he feels inside with a highly gender biased society.

Understand, at home it maybe all tolerance and love, at school his peers are hard at work trying to program him to believe that gay = wrong.

The very use of gay as a negative in our society is a bit of that programing. As in 'That car is gay.' meaning 'That car is bad.'... such programing is not purposefully, it is basically peer pressure at work.

And as a society we have clear gender roles. you may not tell him every day 'its one man and one woman only' However the fact that you are married to a man sends a clear message. that coupled with the rest of society he is getting the message that his feelings or attractions for males means he may be a female.

As he grows older and gets a bit of sound reasoning under his belt, he may most likely move completely away from the 'I want to be a girl' thing and accept that two guys can indeed be in love and have a relationship without one of them having to 'be a girl'.

[dfiant]

I was 11 years old back in 1979 when I knew, but in retrospect I remember same sex attracted as young as 8. Crushing on the best soccer player in my team and wishing he was my 'brother' and looking up other boys shorts were all the indicators.

I knew for sure when I started experimenting when I was 11 and I had my first boyfriend just shy of turning 13.

I commend you and your family. You as a mother have done a fantastic job as a parent and you should be beaming with pride with the beautiful children you have.

[dfiant]

As for the wishing he was girl thing, even though you have done a wonderful job, society also plays a role in childrens perceptions of things like love and perhaps in his mind he is trying to express the way he feels about other boys with the way boys and girls should feel about each other....in a similar way that the only way I could express what I was feeling when I was young to wishing that the guy I was crushing on was my brother.

Gender identity? I couldn't say for sure but it really isn't that unusual for a child to enjoy cross-dressing or wearing costumes yeah?

[megumidesu]

i knew from a very very young age

i think it was one of the first things that i knew that was actually true ~~

[Kiid]

I guess I have always assumed he probably was gay. From the time he was a toddler I just I had a feeling. Can't put my finger on it but it was there. I have just know. My 11 year old son and I are very close. My 2 older teenagers also assumed he was gay. My 16 year old son every year since he started high school particpates in the day of silence.

PROOF @ OBY lol

Yeah my mum knew that I was gay around that time. She told me I was more 'gentle' than other boys lol.

Also what age did I know I was gay. Probably around 9-10.
I've only met one boy who has come out by the age of 11. He's a cool dude everything I build on minecraft he can show me up u.u

I am female and married to a man. (unhappily, lots and lots of stress). My kids are scared of my husband and my son asked me to not tell my husband. I have mentioned to my husband over the years that I would not be suprised if our youngest son is gay and my husbands reaction has been that is impossible because "there have never been any gay people in the family on either side" (I told him that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. And in addition to many reasons its dumb, I asked him how he knew that!)

My advice get happy or dump that SOB

My son asked me to not tell my husband what he told me his reaction. I promised him I would not break his confidence and that I would let him tell him when he is ready. That makes me sad that he does not want him to know, but I don't blame him knowing how my husband is.

YOU SON SOUNDS SO WISE AND SMART!
Still do what's best for you and your children. I don't give a fuck about family. Family has nothing to do about it just your children as is the charge of a mother. Children come first always please.

My son is about to start 6th grade and I know from expeirence with my other kids, Jr. High is brutal. Any advice I can give him? He has had bullying issues in the past because is is a self described "nerdy smart kid".

Self Defense Lessons! Not for violence oh no no no. For self confidence and the 'just incase' fighting skill. I did TeaKwon Do for a good five years. I'm now ready for anything

To add to this, he does enjoy wearing girls clothing in the privacy of our home and has told me he sometimes wishes he was born a girl. He also had told me that he likes to pretend he is my daughter instead of son. Which makes me wonder if he has gender identity issues? Possible transgender rather than gay?

X Gender isn't that uncommon as it is made out to be.
I tonga I think every family has Fa'afafine children who are males who are made to be females and such. There is nothing wrong with this.

Its my understanding that being gay is about being attracted to the same gender. And he told me he likes boys. But the dressing like a girl , is that a common thing for gay boys? a When his older sister outgrew dresses he would snag them before they went to donation and I let him keep them (much to my husbands upset). He loves girly things and even as a small boy had no interest in sports or typical boy stuff and preferred barbies, dolls, etc.

My love for you grows! So much <3
I'm so glad that you son or even maybe daughter was able to have these things. Children know what they like and know who they are better then grownups do. They haven't been forced into boxes yet.

[dvdbwn]

everyone is different. i can't really say when i knew i was gay because for me it's a little blurred. i realized it when i was 17 but looking back i can remember having crushes on boys.

i was never as self aware as your son when i was that young. i have two older sisters and so i was forced to play dress up and i loved my sisters my little ponies. i wore their hand me downs. not dresses but some pretty girly shorts and shirts to play in. but i also liked cars and sports and was really outdoorsy. and i "dated" girls in my class. what little kids do as play isn't necessarily a predictor of what they will be as an adult.

that being said, the latest statistics suggest that most children with your sons traits turn out gay and not trans or straight but there is not way to know for sure.

you might start looking for support systems in your area. for example, here in cleveland we have a gay youth center with counselors and activities. there's also supports groups for parents which may help you learn how to guide him through any rough times that may be ahead for him (e.g. pflag).

[daisy]

Thanks for the quick replies and kind words. I am very aware of the word gay being used as an insult. He has heard it being used that way. And kids have used it towards him as an insult. He is a sensitive boy and he describes himself as "girly" or being more feminie than most boys. My older kids tell me that it happens frequently and they speak up and tell people to not use it as an insult. But with him entering Jr High, I want him to be able to be himself but also know that not only will he have issues with other kids but I live in a fairly closed minded very christian area (unfortunately).

I tried putting him in martial arts, he hated it. Self defense is worth looking into though.

Interesting theories on the dressing as a girl. I also have a younger daughter that loves to dress in old halloween costumes for fun. Ironicallly she hates dresses. My 14 year old though loves dresses and skirts and he looks up to her. I don't think he is trying to dress like me as suggested because I am very far from a girly girl. I don't think he has ever seen me wear a dress. I'm a pants type of girl, no make up.

dfiant, we are the same age. I am child of the '70s and early '80s but I was what was called back then a tomboy and my mother hated that I prefered to dress in what she considered boy clothes but she forced me into dresses and I hated it. But he definately identifies with me and not my husband. He tells me I am his role model.


When he told me he is gay, he told me about a crush he has on a boy. And that he finds boys cute but not girls and can't imagine likeing a girl in that way.

So it seems that 11 is not unusual for a kid to know. And come to think of it, I have know so did my other kids that was so it makes sense for him to realize it since he started puberty early 2 years ago.

kiid, I am saving for divorce. Its my only option. I'm not one to say marriage is forever at all costs. Espeically seeing what a bad marraige does to kids. I and my kids have been in a bad situation far too long My kids expecially my teenagers are begging me to divorce and I do have a plan. It won't be quick but its in the works. I put my kids first. They don't deserve to dysfunction they currently live in. But thats a whole differnet topic! I brought up my marriage because I thought it was relevant that my son is afraid to tell my husband and the dynamic there.

[BorneoJake]

Let me just say you have a very courageous son! Hes blessed to have an amazing parent like you who loves and accepts him for who he is. I came out to my mother when I Was 21, I wish I would have told her sooner though because I have know I was gay for as long as I can remember.

Everything your boy is going through is perfectly natural, I went through the same phase of dressing up and wanting to be a girl as well. I think the reason why I did that is because I thought you had to be a woman in order to be with a man, just by what school taught me. My family is a very open one and what they believed in differed from what the people at school believed in. In school gay was used in a negative context.

I had a bad experience in school, I upset a friend of mine and he started a rumor of me being gay, I was treated very differently and negatively toward people. It made me into a very insecure mess of confusion so I kept my sexuality a secret for the longest time, even from my closest friends. The Irony of this story, the friend who spread the rumor came out of the closet years later.

School maybe a difficult place, but you just have to let your son know that your there for him and you'll help him get through the rough parts of the journey. I would also check into different sort of clubs or groups that are about LGBT support.

As far as your husband, father figures are probably the hardest to come out too. Just be patient and over time maybe your husband will understand or maybe have a second opinion on being gay. Time is the greatest teacher and the greatest healer.