need some help

[Counselor]

It's not silly, it's life.

Life is serious business.

[Sylph]

It seems where maturity should lack, so should all matters of relevant introspective thought processes, such as Depression, Internalized Self-Hate and Cognitive awareness thereof.

So you can't truely be emotionally or even mentally immature to be able to express such things, but rather troubled or even broken. To be immature means a certain lack of understanding and even insight, which is why children and some kids my age cannot make forward thinking decisions, because that would mean making judgements on the future, all possible outcomes and a significant understanding of one's self to make such determinations, which is why children cannot drive cars and when teens do, they do not fully grasp the concept of the importance of self-preservation and foolishly believe they will not die, which results in irriational and immature reasoning, I.e Speeding or Texting and driving.

So you must've not been immature per se, but maybe too aware and has lead you to make judgements, it seems not good ones, to lead you to the stop light your at now.

But now, you have to decide whether or not to press Reverse or Press the gas pedal at the green light, but be aware that if you Reverse, you are certain to crash into unresolved issues and will be set back further.

<3

[Bowyn Aerrow]

This may sound stupid but I am afraid. I don't know of what. But i have driven to a gay place, parked in the parking lot but just can't make myself get out and go inside. The ween gives me amenity.

I need to do more on this page. I dint know what a gay community center does. I dint want to go in there and be seen as an idiot. Its stupid 15 year old crap but I dint know how to make myself do it.

I an really trying to make myself attend a gay affirming church, certainly they have gay parishioners that i can relate to but my damned fear stops me. It keeps me from being active here. One of the reasons why this is so difficult is I an nit this much of a freaking coward, this fear cept me in the closet for 15 years. I am out at my police academy. So I dint know why I am so stand off ish with any lgbt business.

I understand this fear. Its all part of the process of being 'banished for being gay' attitude that you survived under for so many years. Now that you are coming out and getting to learn more about yourself you are hard pressed to undo a lot of the old programing.

Ok, so lets set you a reasonable goal of sticking around here on the forums, playing a few word games, answering a few posts and getting to know some of the folk here. Day to day, or several times a week, whatever your schedule allows.

I think what you need is a buddy - not a sex companion, not a lover, but a friend who will go with you to these places and at least give you moral support.

I rarely go to a bar or other 'LGBT function' by myself, I always feel weird, like a 3rd wheel or something. I had friends who were just buddies (no sex) and we would go to the bars/clubs together sort of moral support and sort of back watchers.

I think there are a few other members here that live in Texas. Perhaps if you stick around and engage us you can strike up a friendship with one of them.

IDK what Gay community centers do either. Never been to one, and out where I live the nearest city doesn't have one (yet).... Perhaps other members can tell us what goes on at LGBT Community Centers?

Church is church, regardless of its affirmation of LGBT or not. Service, followed by the fellowship. Its not like you have to go in and Stand up and say 'Hi, I'm Hank, I'm a bisexual.'

Go for the music, Go for the prayer, Go to hear a decent sermon, or go for Cookies and Coffee after the boring stuff is over :tongue:. You are not going to to go to Church just to meet your next partner, you are going to meet similar minds who share common interests, and not just the gay ones - there are plenty of straight people who attend these churches - While being Straight they are able to accept LGBT for who they are.


I wish I lived closer, I would take you to church, take you to the LGBT Center and stuff. Sort of hold your hand without holding your hand. I think once you get introduced around it will get a lot easier. I don't know anyone in that general area who is gay tolerant...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

A bisexual, possably homosexual man. It just went against what I wanted to be. I guess this is kind of stupid of me to think that my childhood idea of what my life should be is realistic. But I can't help but think i am letting go of something that is a deep part of me.

I am laughing at myself right now because I see how absurd I was being. I am having difficulty putting away childish things. My God is that how silly thus problem is?

Your problem is not silly, and your feelings are valid. considering you were raised in a "conservative" Environment with all the trappings (Church, parents of strong opinion, red necks and cowboys) it is to be expected that you would be raised with very narrow expectations, Wife, Children, decent Career, more children...

If we all grew up to be what we wanted to be as children, we would all be firemen, Police men and Astronauts (Boys) and all the girls would be horse riders/trainers and ballet dancers.... Few people actually get a certain idea of how their life will be when they grow up, instead they find other things to do, other interests.... And its not just career paths it happens in every aspect of human life.

It is a process of change and adaptation, a process of discovery and new experiences. Sure many people dislike it, but most are relatively content with the way their life does turn out.

[MisterTinkles]

This may sound stupid but I am afraid. I don't know of what. But i have driven to a gay place, parked in the parking lot but just can't make myself get out and go inside. The ween gives me amenity.

I need to do more on this page. I dint know what a gay community center does. I dint want to go in there and be seen as an idiot. Its stupid 15 year old crap but I dint know how to make myself do it.

I an really trying to make myself attend a gay affirming church, certainly they have gay parishioners that i can relate to but my damned fear stops me. It keeps me from being active here. One of the reasons why this is so difficult is I an nit this much of a freaking coward, this fear cept me in the closet for 15 years. I am out at my police academy. So I dint know why I am so stand off ish with any lgbt business.

I was that way when I was younger, and I found out there was a "gay" district in Dallas.
I cant tell you how many times I would just drive thru that area just to be in the same area as others like myself.

But then one day, I kicked myself in the ass. My logic took my brain over and said "HEY STUPID! These are just businesses, out here to make money. Just plain old wood, brick and glass buildings with employees inside". So, I stewed on that a while, and the next time I went down to Cedar Springs, I actually parked my car, got out and walked down the sidewalk. I went into a couple of card shops, Tshirt shops, and even a day bar.

The world didn't end. I wasn't chased by the cops. The sky and earth didn't open up and destroy the city. The only things that happened was I bought a funny card and had a margarita.

Just plain ole people, running plain ole businesses, making that plain ole dollar. They couldn't care less who or what you are, as long as you want to buy something from them.

Want to go to a gay church? Sit in the back row. Im sure the only people to talk to you will be ones saying HI.

Anytime you go to a restaurant, shop, or grocery store, do you worry like this that the employee helping you, serving you, or cashiering is "gay" or "straight" or "atheist" or "catholic", or "whatever"?????

Then why feel that way at these other places????

Once you have gone into some of these businesses, you will see how silly it all is to feel like that.

[hank]

Your problem is not silly, and your feelings are valid. considering you were raised in a "conservative" Environment with all the trappings (Church, parents of strong opinion, red necks and cowboys) it is to be expected that you would be raised with very narrow expectations, Wife, Children, decent Career, more children...

If we all grew up to be what we wanted to be as children, we would all be firemen, Police men and Astronauts (Boys) and all the girls would be horse riders/trainers and ballet dancers.... Few people actually get a certain idea of how their life will be when they grow up, instead they find other things to do, other interests.... And its not just career paths it happens in every aspect of human life.

It is a process of change and adaptation, a process of discovery and new experiences. Sure many people dislike it, but most are relatively content with the way their life does turn out.

I am going to be a policeman

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I am going to be a policeman

Yes I know - and that is so hawt :biggrin: Uniforms - OMG! :tongue:

On a serious note: Having read a lot of your posts I have gotten a good insight of the type of person you are, and I really like that guy. I believe you are really one of the good-guys of the world.

[Nick9]

Thanks, Mr.T., for your post. I can relate to it on so many levels.