Cardigan, you are a clever man, and a
nice man
I don't believe that words have magical powers, they aren't bad or good in themselves. But words are loaded with meaning, associations and connotations, that vary from person to person. In that way, words can be very hurtful.
The best I have ever seen this put is by a man called John Franklin Stephens, who is a speaker/activist on disability issues. He is talking about the word 'Retard' here, but much of this could also be applicable to any word used towards a minority that has experienced oppression and hate.
"So, what's wrong with "retard"? I can only tell you what it means to me and people like me when we hear it. It means that the rest of you are excluding us from your group. We are something that is not like you and something that none of you would ever want to be. We are something outside the "in" group. We are someone that is not your kind.
I want you to know that it hurts to be left out here, alone. Nothing scares me as much as feeling all alone in a world that moves so much faster than I do..... Please put yourself on that bus and fill the bus with people who are different from you. Imagine that they start making jokes using a term that describes you. It hurts and it is scary."
(John Franklin Stephens, Denver Post, full artical here:
http://www.denverpost.com/commented/ci_10351963)
Words like the f word, the n word, the r word... they reinforce the existing power balance. The majority, privileged group defining terms to keep the minority on the outside, to make the different and lesser. I think these words are harmful. If you have had those terms used towards you, with hostility and hate, they keep these connotations.
You are free to use them all you want but there is nothing admirable about it.
Conversely, I also think that PC language can be used to dress up some morally awful ideas. I suppose the intent of the words is most important.
Being a nice person, surely, is about being mindful of that, how words can affect those around us. That is my opinion anyway.