had a first date with a lovely older man a few days ago. he was about twenty years older. i'm twenty two but that was not the issue. so we went to a straight bar at about eight o clock and everything was going great, so I thought. Physically, I was very into him. We were all eye contact and conversation flowed easily. He insisted on buying me drinks for the night, something which I can't imagine he would have done if he didn't like me (probably just my idea) So we left the bar at maybe 1 o clock, we weren't that drunk. He had drank water most of the night. He gave me a lift to my apartment and asked me did I want to meet him again. I said: of course, why not? he gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. (we were in a public street in his car with passersby so a mouth kiss would have been a bit awkward if he even desired one). I sent him a text afterwards, saying i really enjoyed his company and had a great time. he sent something similar. next day i texted him asking how his day was. he replied that he was having a very busy day and that it was lovely to meet me but nothing after that. I texted today (i know that's stupid) he replied that he had a retirement party tonight and a cd launch of his friend the night after. no mention of a future meet up. I texted him back saying that if he wants to meet up sometime, it's up to him and am leaving it now. I am a bit confused. I thought everything was going well? can men really act that well on a date or change their mind so fast? :/ never had a date like this.
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I can say, being a man that has a very demanding job when it comes to time, sometimes I meet someone I like and I can't always work my schedule the way I'd like. I don't know from what you said if this is the case or not, but if it's only been a few days, you might be reading too much into it. If you like him give it a few days, if nothing develops, then hey, it didn't work.
Richard
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I agree with Richard. After just one date which wasn't exceptionally special or anything, you're expecting a little too much. Give the man some time, don't oush him. I'm sure he liked you a lot and will call you. Don't worry about it too much.
Ryan
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I agree with the above two responses. I think that sometimes it's really easy to create expectations and then experience disappointment when they aren't met.
What's going on doesn't necessarily mean that there isn't a future here. Just go with the flow and enjoy the situation for what it is. Like Richard said, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't.
At least you got out there and had a good night!
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this actually did occur to me, especially about the lack of texting. thanks a lot. you COULD be right. won't get hopes up though.
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Krupt thank you for some very wise words. I am an older man in his mid 50's who is dating a guy 30 years my junior. We are both in IT and have very similar interest and physically we both find each other attractive, well that's what he tells me and I know he is cute. The only issue is that he wants us to be boyfriends but I am not comfortable with that designation just yet and try to defuse the situation by calling him my whatever that means boyfriend. I feel that he wants to move to quickly in to calling it a relationship. As I am so attracted to him both personality and physically I am taking it a day at a time to see how it develops, I guess you have to give love a chance.
I have found several times when dating far younger guys there is an earnestness that is not there with old guys which is why I normally only see guys within 10 years of my age. My advice here is don't pressurize him if it's meant to be he'll come around but give him his space, us old gay guys like our space as Krupt points out things were different back in the day. For some of us having a relationship was never an option,
In this case I would suggest that the expect
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I always put on an act when I first met people. I usually try to act tough when I'm just a soft squishy.
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Us old folks don't like text chatting.
A lot of us prefer face to face conversation over texting. We actually get offended at times when a person send us a single line of text on our phone. But then as kids the phone was only a telephone, you couldn't take pictures with it, surf the net (there was no net back then).
And as has been pointed out, we are slow and steady in the race of dating. There used to be a two day rule about calling on another - both waited at least 2 days before getting back in touch. Less than that was considered clingy/needy and stunk of desperation.
Do you know his work hours? If so wait until about an hour after work, or an hour and a half (giving him time to get home, kick of his shoes, unwind and pick up your phone and use it as a telephone.
I bet he will respond a lot better to voice to voice conversation than to a text message.
Also don't be pushy, if he is texting you that he is busy he is most likely telling the truth, A man in his 40's is gearing up toward retirement, most have pretty hefty responsibility and have been at the grind stone for so long it is basically their job that identifies who and what they are.
To give you an idea of how 40+ year olds think and identify themselves, create an account at OK cupid and search through the 40-60 age profiles, you will find that a large chunk of the self summery surrounds what they do for a living.
Compare that to the profiles and self summaries of kids your age. Those are talking about college and 'dreams' not what they have done over the past 20 years at whatever company(ies) they have worked at.
This age thing is going to present a lot of challenges, 20 years is a huge amount of time and changes ones outlook on life, life expectations, and self understanding - and then the social standards have changed drastically due to this age of the pocket computer and people being able to text over face to face or telephone conversations.
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hot and cold behaviour on first date :/
but yeah - am going ze flow now...
