A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to do to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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A sex researcher telephones one of his survey participants to check on a discrepancy that confused him.
He asks the man, "In response to the question on your frequency of sexual intercourse, you answered 'twice weekly.' But your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night'."
"That's right," replies the man, "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off."
:biggrin:
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Been around before, if you find all in less than 2 minutes, your eye sight is good.
[B]Can[/B][B] you find[/B][B] the B [/B]
[B]
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Once you've found the B
Find the 1
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII[/B][B]I[/B][B]
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1III[/B][B]I[/B][B]
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Once you found the 1..............
Find the 6
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999699999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
Once you've found the 6...
Find the N (it's hard!!)
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
Once you've found the N...
Find the Q...
[/B][B]OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO[/B]
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these are hilarious! nice work albert! *clap clap*
·She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
brilliant!!! :biggrin:
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...and i did the letter/number-finder thing in less than 15 seconds :biggrin:
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The local news station was interviewing an 84-year-old lady because she had just got married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 84, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now, in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
"Easy, son," she smiled. "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!"
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pocket_pilgrim Wrote:...and i did the letter/number-finder thing in less than 15 seconds :biggrin: you've got a good eye (but also for photography, T.) I managed it too, so I'm not too unhappy with my eyesight.
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A farmer named Seamus had a car accident. In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.
'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'asked the solicitor.
Seamus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...'
'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,'I'm fine!'?'
Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....'
The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.
' By this time, the judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.
Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded.
'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop
sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to
move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman
on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out
his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?' 'Now
what the F*ck would you say?'
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A man enters the confessional and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month."
The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's." Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?", "A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. "Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."
The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching very shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone style.
[SIZE=2]The priest turns to the altar boy and whispering asks, "Is that Fannie Green?" The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes".
[/SIZE]
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you're on a roll today i see 
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Little Johnny and Susie
