06-25-2013, 06:18 AM
So, I'm a 17 year old gay guy going into senior year, and I moved to a new school in the middle of last year. I already had friends there who knew I was gay, am very open about my sexuality, and tend to be very sociable and meet lots of people fast, so within a couple of weeks everyone in my newfound social circles at school knew I was gay. Anyways, I started to have a thing for this guy who was in my math class, at first mainly just thinking he was pretty cute. Over time, as I started to get to know him more I started to grow feelings towards him. We share a LOT of the same mutual friends, so I started asking around if he had ever dated anyone, and everyone I asked said he had never dated anyone or had any sort of a thing with any girls, a couple even saying that many people in our grade suspect he is gay.
Being a very masculine gay guy myself who usually people assume at first is straight, I know it's not necessarily fair to base judgements off of stereotypes, but I couldn't help but notice a couple of things. One, all of his closest friends are girls, and he often has very close platonic relationships with them, where he'll be the only guy at an all girl bonfire or he'll have a girl who he has no romantic interests in come over and watch tv at his house late at night. Occasionally, he'll use very effeminate mannerisms or say things that would sound very questionable I guess for most straight guys, although I wouldn't classify him as an obviously effeminate guy per say. He also knows movies like mean girls by heart and has said things like "MTV's Girl Code is like Guy Code but waaay better". I know none of these things necessarily mean anything but they made me wonder.
Anyways, I asked one of my close friends to maybe gauge the situation with him. She decided to approach him after school one day and tell him directly "an anonymous gay guy in our grade likes you". Now, she told him this right around the time everyone found out I was gay, so while it wasn't 100% made clear, I feel like he'd have to be reaaaaaal oblivious to not have an idea that the only openly gay guy in our grade (me) might like him.
Now, through the months as I got to know him, the "chemistry" you might say heated up a lot. We'd make toooons of prolonged eye contact in class, if I made a dumb joke or goofy face it almost always would make him laugh and blush, and I just got this very strong gut feeling that it was right I guess. I tried to invite him to a show I was playing (I play in bands) but he got real sick and couldn't make it, and ever since then became very insistent on having to make it to my next show, and even stayed up until around 1 that night talking with me on facebook. As school came to an end, we started talking a lot more about hanging out during the summer.
Here's where I've ran into a lot of.... weirdness. One day, he'll talk on facebook and be increeeeedibly flirtatious and talk in ways no platonic guy friends talk, especially when one is openly gay and hasn't been too subtle about his feelings for the other, and he'll do all sorts of things like insist on giving me his number so I can text him or stick up for me in a very consoling way if a friend is ribbing me jokingly, and basically do all sorts of things that, especially assuming he has a good idea that I like him, would strongly suggest he likes me back. The next day, however, he'll be very short and punctual in conversation, or seem very withdrawn.
For instance, one night we had a movie night and the couple of times I tried to get close to him he seemed to shy away a little, although he did act very flirtatious in other ways that night and send other signals. The next night, me and a mutual girl friend were over at his house and we were all watching tv on an inflatable mattress, when we started all horse playing. We were all rolling over one another and goofing around, making all sorts of body contact which was waaaay more touchy feely than almost any straight guy I know would EVER feel comfortable with doing to either an openly gay guy who's made it somewhat clear how he feels or a straight girl who he has no romantic interests in.
I really really really like this guy, but don't know how to advance the situation at all because sometimes things will seem to move forward in leaps and bounds, and then a day or two later things will shut down and I'll become real bummed out, only for things to heat up a couple days later. Do any of you have any advice on what to do in this situation to try to progress things in a way that might be comfortable for him?
Being a very masculine gay guy myself who usually people assume at first is straight, I know it's not necessarily fair to base judgements off of stereotypes, but I couldn't help but notice a couple of things. One, all of his closest friends are girls, and he often has very close platonic relationships with them, where he'll be the only guy at an all girl bonfire or he'll have a girl who he has no romantic interests in come over and watch tv at his house late at night. Occasionally, he'll use very effeminate mannerisms or say things that would sound very questionable I guess for most straight guys, although I wouldn't classify him as an obviously effeminate guy per say. He also knows movies like mean girls by heart and has said things like "MTV's Girl Code is like Guy Code but waaay better". I know none of these things necessarily mean anything but they made me wonder.
Anyways, I asked one of my close friends to maybe gauge the situation with him. She decided to approach him after school one day and tell him directly "an anonymous gay guy in our grade likes you". Now, she told him this right around the time everyone found out I was gay, so while it wasn't 100% made clear, I feel like he'd have to be reaaaaaal oblivious to not have an idea that the only openly gay guy in our grade (me) might like him.
Now, through the months as I got to know him, the "chemistry" you might say heated up a lot. We'd make toooons of prolonged eye contact in class, if I made a dumb joke or goofy face it almost always would make him laugh and blush, and I just got this very strong gut feeling that it was right I guess. I tried to invite him to a show I was playing (I play in bands) but he got real sick and couldn't make it, and ever since then became very insistent on having to make it to my next show, and even stayed up until around 1 that night talking with me on facebook. As school came to an end, we started talking a lot more about hanging out during the summer.
Here's where I've ran into a lot of.... weirdness. One day, he'll talk on facebook and be increeeeedibly flirtatious and talk in ways no platonic guy friends talk, especially when one is openly gay and hasn't been too subtle about his feelings for the other, and he'll do all sorts of things like insist on giving me his number so I can text him or stick up for me in a very consoling way if a friend is ribbing me jokingly, and basically do all sorts of things that, especially assuming he has a good idea that I like him, would strongly suggest he likes me back. The next day, however, he'll be very short and punctual in conversation, or seem very withdrawn.
For instance, one night we had a movie night and the couple of times I tried to get close to him he seemed to shy away a little, although he did act very flirtatious in other ways that night and send other signals. The next night, me and a mutual girl friend were over at his house and we were all watching tv on an inflatable mattress, when we started all horse playing. We were all rolling over one another and goofing around, making all sorts of body contact which was waaaay more touchy feely than almost any straight guy I know would EVER feel comfortable with doing to either an openly gay guy who's made it somewhat clear how he feels or a straight girl who he has no romantic interests in.
I really really really like this guy, but don't know how to advance the situation at all because sometimes things will seem to move forward in leaps and bounds, and then a day or two later things will shut down and I'll become real bummed out, only for things to heat up a couple days later. Do any of you have any advice on what to do in this situation to try to progress things in a way that might be comfortable for him?