Kawaii it would be waste of my time to argue with you. You seem like a kid that wants to fight at all cost. Accept that some people have different views and priorities and it works for both in the relationship.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Beaux Wrote:
And I do appreciate your reply, or I appreciate it as much as I can considering I had intended this thread to be anonymous. I agree whole heartedly that each relationship is different.
I realize that many of the posters here today are not people who really know my story at all; a lot if you guys and gals are relatively new. Nor am I a frequent poster, so a lot of y'all really don't know anything about me.
My husband and I met in 1994 and spent the better part of 5+ years together before I left him. He had a problem keeping his dock in his pants and he was the first guy I had sex with since I decided I was gay and divorced my wife.
Almost nine years later his boyfriend died and we started dating again. I know more about cheating and it's affects on marriage than most people.
Anyone who knows me, knows I am frighteningly honest. I have never felt the need to lie to my husband. Now, I know so,e people scream the "Lying by omission is still a lie!" line, but I get so sick of that kind of assumption. Does ANYONE here think for a second that my husband didn't ASK me where I had been the night this all occured when I made him breakfast and packed his lunch at 6:30 am the next morning???
I said, "Out with Alan. We got Pissed and rode scooters and..oh...you DON'T want to know! HA!" I them proceeded to kiss him on the cheek and he went to work (while I went back to bed).
Finally, I also realize that you don't know "Alan". He is my best friend. He has had a string of crazy but beautiful girlfriends (and now I know why!!!) but has ALWAYS been a true and genuine friend. I don't believe for a second that he wants to "be" with me; neither do I have the slightest desire to "be" with him. Yet we always have the best of times when we hang out. We really connect and understand each other, which is something I value greatly.
What I did that night with Alan was, to me, very reminiscent of some of the "horse play" I participated in when I was around twelve or fourteen: exciting, secretive, and novel.
If you wish to condem me for Cheating and your definition of Cheating is that kind of "horse play", then by all means-applaude your own moral superiority. I on the other hand am a bit more forgiving of myself. In my world, it just isn't sex if no one has an orgasam. In fact, cheating and having sex are not mutually dependent when one factors in intamacy, and MOST importantly-- I only have to please two people in my life and I don't have to post on this forum to get the message to either one of them.
Beaux
Well that really is a cool story bro! thumbs up!
but it really doesnt in any way change the fact that you cheated on your bf and then tried to conceal that fact by posting here anonymously and only told him when you screwed up and revealed yourself. I mean you can make up every excuse in the book, call it horseplay or whatever. I dont remember feeling up and enjoying any of my 12 and 13 year old buddies when I was horseplaying with them.
Im guessing since you were actually cheated on you feel alittle vindicated since your bf has cheated on you in the past so it makes it "ok" for you to cheat. When in reality it doesnt. Your bf may say its ok to your face but if he loves you its probably tearing him up inside that you did such a thing with another person JUST like it probably tore you up inside when you left him years ago for doing the same thing. Honestly just the fact that he was ok with the fact that you cheated would be a signal to me that he maybe doesnt care for you as much as you do him. It might be a hard truth/reality you dont want to face but dont shoot the messenger here.
•
Nick9 Wrote:Kawaii it would be waste of my time to argue with you. You seem like a kid that wants to fight at all cost. Accept that some people have different views and priorities and it works for both in the relationship.
I know people have different views and priorities in relationships and thats totally fine. The problem comes in when one person in that relationship has different views and priorities than the other and keeps those views and priorities secret from the other. If they had talked about seeing other people and possibly having sexual encounters outside of their relationship then sure everyone is on the same playing field. When you keep it secret from your partner then well thats where it gets messy.
•
KawaiiKitty Wrote:Well that really is a cool story bro! thumbs up!
but it really doesnt in any way change the fact that you cheated on your bf and then tried to conceal that fact by posting here anonymously and only told him when you screwed up and revealed yourself. I mean you can make up every excuse in the book, call it horseplay or whatever. I dont remember feeling up and enjoying any of my 12 and 13 year old buddies when I was horseplaying with them.
Im guessing since you were actually cheated on you feel alittle vindicated since your bf has cheated on you in the past so it makes it "ok" for you to cheat. When in reality it doesnt. Your bf may say its ok to your face but if he loves you its probably tearing him up inside that you did such a thing with another person JUST like it probably tore you up inside when you left him years ago for doing the same thing. Honestly just the fact that he was ok with the fact that you cheated would be a signal to me that he maybe doesnt care for you as much as you do him. It might be a hard truth/reality you dont want to face but dont shoot the messenger here.
Nor does it change the dozens of pm in my in-box from forum users who think your a dick head...
•
Alright boys. This thread is going places it shouldn't. Can we please remain civil.
•
Beaux Wrote:
And I do appreciate your reply, or I appreciate it as much as I can considering I had intended this thread to be anonymous. I agree whole heartedly that each relationship is different.
I realize that many of the posters here today are not people who really know my story at all; a lot if you guys and gals are relatively new. Nor am I a frequent poster, so a lot of y'all really don't know anything about me.
My husband and I met in 1994 and spent the better part of 5+ years together before I left him. He had a problem keeping his dock in his pants and he was the first guy I had sex with since I decided I was gay and divorced my wife.
Almost nine years later his boyfriend died and we started dating again. I know more about cheating and it's affects on marriage than most people.
Anyone who knows me, knows I am frighteningly honest. I have never felt the need to lie to my husband. Now, I know so,e people scream the "Lying by omission is still a lie!" line, but I get so sick of that kind of assumption. Does ANYONE here think for a second that my husband didn't ASK me where I had been the night this all occured when I made him breakfast and packed his lunch at 6:30 am the next morning???
I said, "Out with Alan. We got Pissed and rode scooters and..oh...you DON'T want to know! HA!" I them proceeded to kiss him on the cheek and he went to work (while I went back to bed).
Finally, I also realize that you don't know "Alan". He is my best friend. He has had a string of crazy but beautiful girlfriends (and now I know why!!!) but has ALWAYS been a true and genuine friend. I don't believe for a second that he wants to "be" with me; neither do I have the slightest desire to "be" with him. Yet we always have the best of times when we hang out. We really connect and understand each other, which is something I value greatly.
What I did that night with Alan was, to me, very reminiscent of some of the "horse play" I participated in when I was around twelve or fourteen: exciting, secretive, and novel.
If you wish to condem me for Cheating and your definition of Cheating is that kind of "horse play", then by all means-applaude your own moral superiority. I on the other hand am a bit more forgiving of myself. In my world, it just isn't sex if no one has an orgasam. In fact, cheating and having sex are not mutually dependent when one factors in intamacy, and MOST importantly-- I only have to please two people in my life and I don't have to post on this forum to get the message to either one of them.
Beaux
For all the rants and raves I and others have had on here on many subjects, including this type....and I am speaking for myself now....it is all in "general" factors, average statistics.
Some people DO have special kinds of relationships with certain people. Even though I particularly dont believe in "fuck buddies", I have had one. Why? Because the situation and the guy involved presented itself in such a way--thats what worked best for both of us.
No, not all people can be "judged" or "condemned" for what is said and done. As with most situations in life, there ARE special considerations.
For me, the definition of cheating is when your partner lies to you and goes behind your back. If BOTH people involved are fine with extra marital affairs, then that this entirely their matter, whether I like it or not. That is not cheating by my definition of the word, but I do find it wrong.
There are, what can broadly be described as "community relationships". If you know anything about what a commune is, then you know its a place where most things are shared, including each other. There are relationships such as this too. Again, if you are all adults, not hurting anyone, and all people involved are ok with it, then who am I to say if that works for you or not. I may have my "two cents" worth of begrudged bitching, but thats my opinion for what works for me. (does that make any sense?)
For your situation, if all parties involved are happy and nobody is getting hurt, then more power to you. Be happy. Is that something for me? No. But it works for you and yours involved.
As I tell my friends, you can listen to what is said (by me or anyone), take what good you can from it, and leave the rest.
•
Beaux Wrote:Nor does it change the dozens of pm in my in-box from forum users who think your a dick head...
Or the fact youre probably making more lies up to cover the lies youve already told. =\ Guess you can add namecalling to your long list of "reputable qualities".
•
MisterTinkles Wrote:For all the rants and raves I and others have had on here on many subjects, including this type....and I am speaking for myself now....it is all in "general" factors, average statistics.
Some people DO have special kinds of relationships with certain people. Even though I particularly dont believe in "fuck buddies", I have had one. Why? Because the situation and the guy involved presented itself in such a way--thats what worked best for both of us.
No, not all people can be "judged" or "condemned" for what is said and done. As with most situations in life, there ARE special considerations.
For me, the definition of cheating is when your partner lies to you and goes behind your back. If BOTH people involved are fine with extra marital affairs, then that this entirely their matter, whether I like it or not. That is not cheating by my definition of the word, but I do find it wrong.
There are, what can broadly be described as "community relationships". If you know anything about what a commune is, then you know its a place where most things are shared, including each other. There are relationships such as this too. Again, if you are all adults, not hurting anyone, and all people involved are ok with it, then who am I to say if that works for you or not. I may have my "two cents" worth of begrudged bitching, but thats my opinion for what works for me. (does that make any sense?)
For your situation, if all parties involved are happy and nobody is getting hurt, then more power to you. Be happy. Is that something for me? No. But it works for you and yours involved.
As I tell my friends, you can listen to what is said (by me or anyone), take what good you can from it, and leave the rest.
Which is exactly what he did until he was forced to tell his partner the truth. He had no intentions of telling his partner until he messed up hence why he posted anonymously. Why would he post anonymously in the first place if he knew his partner was A-ok with his cheating? Why would he say he feels guilty because he didt something the night before he should not have done?
Like I said when I smell BS I call BS. Theyre just too many contradictory things for everything to be on the up and up.
(none of this is directed at MisterTinkles, I'm just using his post to make a point)
•
Kawaii, all good.
Krupt, for me its monogamous 22 years (for both). Some things just helped me to sort the priorities.
•
I understand. Sorry if my post sounded like a competiton or something. *hug*
•
|
