boy_toy_08 Wrote:Id like to shoot...all over u!
Hmm! I doubt that that is an option!
But coming on (to) my partner aside, may I add my best wishes to those of the others? You certainly have more than enough on your plate and I would not have liked to have been in your situation at any time, let alone at sixteen.
Firstly, I am surprised to read that you were prescribed Prozac. Was this the first line of prescription for you? It is one of a class of drugs that I believe is actually discouraged for use with under-18s. Longer term use can be counter-productive, so I would definitely go back and have that discussion with the GP. I used Prozac for a year and, while some of the side-effects were actually useful to me at the time, I felt that I wasn't getting sufficient benefit from the drug to warrant continuing its use. I came off it with my GP's consent.
I'm very concerned about the counselling though. As has already been suggested, some counsellors just don't hit the spot. It is also worth knowing that are different kinds of psychotherapeutic counselling. A professional counsellor, recommended by your local health authority, should be able to assess what kind of therapy and support you need and work with you accordingly, but the person assigned to your case isn't always the best one for you. Unfortunately, I have close personal experience with some young people's counselling services and was very unimpressed with what I saw. I assumed that to be the character of the individual counsellor rather than the process. I fully understand how a bad counselling experience can undermine any confidence you might have in the process. From what you have described there are areas that I think you do need some support with and you deserve the services of a good counsellor to help you work through your experiences. The health service is not a large friendly flexible bunny and getting what you need is often like living one of those dreams where you are trying to run and your legs don't work ... or is that just in my dreams
Of course, the other significant problem is that you are on a limited income. Your choices would be greater in this field were you to have the freedom to look outside the NHS (much as it pains me to admit it).
Okay, for what it's worth, my advice is firstly go back to the GP and get the drug issue sorted. Secondly, try and approach with him/her the issue of the counselling. Don't give it up as a lost cause, but you need someone to help you fight for what you need. Since you are under-18 and living on your own are social, community or youth services involved at all? Again, you may have to spell it out, but be resolute. You need an advocate to help you through the red tape. I wouldn't want to have to deal with this, even at my advanced age!
Thirdly, keep coming back here. Post as much as you like. We'll all assume you are genuine and you have already seen some good and helpful responses.
Fourthly, please, please, please try and steer clear of the alcohol option. It may anaesthetise in the short term, but it is not a risk-free, longer term solution. Besides, it's full of calories and won't help with your plan to streamline yourself into a new and more beautiful you
Fifthly, is there a gay youth group in your area? If there is, there will probably be support services accessible from it. You sound quite isolated and whatever you get from your man, you do need some contact with others of your own age. School isn't always enough. There doesn't seem to be much going on in the Thurso area apart from a glbt social group that meets in a pub and an occasional disco. If I find out anything else I'll get back to you.
There is no rule six.
Seventhly, it sounds like you need time. The sort of issues you have described in your contributions here are not going to disappear overnight. You have experienced some pretty awful things, but you sound bright, charming and funny and I have a feeling that things will get better for you in time. Be kind to yourself.
Eighthly, if I have understood what you have written correctly, there is no way are you responsible for the death of your attacker. I'll reinforce what has already been said that (sad as the circumstances that surround anyone's suicide may be) you have probably saved many others from going through your own experience by reporting his actions to the appropriate authorities. He was responsible for what he did then as well as subsequently.
Ninthly ... well you've probably dozed off long ago, so I'll stop here.
All the best.