Self-appreciation?

[boy_toy_08]

Id like to shoot...all over u!

[marshlander]

Id like to shoot...all over u!

Hmm! I doubt that that is an option!

But coming on (to) my partner aside, may I add my best wishes to those of the others? You certainly have more than enough on your plate and I would not have liked to have been in your situation at any time, let alone at sixteen.

Firstly, I am surprised to read that you were prescribed Prozac. Was this the first line of prescription for you? It is one of a class of drugs that I believe is actually discouraged for use with under-18s. Longer term use can be counter-productive, so I would definitely go back and have that discussion with the GP. I used Prozac for a year and, while some of the side-effects were actually useful to me at the time, I felt that I wasn't getting sufficient benefit from the drug to warrant continuing its use. I came off it with my GP's consent.

I'm very concerned about the counselling though. As has already been suggested, some counsellors just don't hit the spot. It is also worth knowing that are different kinds of psychotherapeutic counselling. A professional counsellor, recommended by your local health authority, should be able to assess what kind of therapy and support you need and work with you accordingly, but the person assigned to your case isn't always the best one for you. Unfortunately, I have close personal experience with some young people's counselling services and was very unimpressed with what I saw. I assumed that to be the character of the individual counsellor rather than the process. I fully understand how a bad counselling experience can undermine any confidence you might have in the process. From what you have described there are areas that I think you do need some support with and you deserve the services of a good counsellor to help you work through your experiences. The health service is not a large friendly flexible bunny and getting what you need is often like living one of those dreams where you are trying to run and your legs don't work ... or is that just in my dreams Of course, the other significant problem is that you are on a limited income. Your choices would be greater in this field were you to have the freedom to look outside the NHS (much as it pains me to admit it).

Okay, for what it's worth, my advice is firstly go back to the GP and get the drug issue sorted. Secondly, try and approach with him/her the issue of the counselling. Don't give it up as a lost cause, but you need someone to help you fight for what you need. Since you are under-18 and living on your own are social, community or youth services involved at all? Again, you may have to spell it out, but be resolute. You need an advocate to help you through the red tape. I wouldn't want to have to deal with this, even at my advanced age!

Thirdly, keep coming back here. Post as much as you like. We'll all assume you are genuine and you have already seen some good and helpful responses.

Fourthly, please, please, please try and steer clear of the alcohol option. It may anaesthetise in the short term, but it is not a risk-free, longer term solution. Besides, it's full of calories and won't help with your plan to streamline yourself into a new and more beautiful you

Fifthly, is there a gay youth group in your area? If there is, there will probably be support services accessible from it. You sound quite isolated and whatever you get from your man, you do need some contact with others of your own age. School isn't always enough. There doesn't seem to be much going on in the Thurso area apart from a glbt social group that meets in a pub and an occasional disco. If I find out anything else I'll get back to you.

There is no rule six.

Seventhly, it sounds like you need time. The sort of issues you have described in your contributions here are not going to disappear overnight. You have experienced some pretty awful things, but you sound bright, charming and funny and I have a feeling that things will get better for you in time. Be kind to yourself.

Eighthly, if I have understood what you have written correctly, there is no way are you responsible for the death of your attacker. I'll reinforce what has already been said that (sad as the circumstances that surround anyone's suicide may be) you have probably saved many others from going through your own experience by reporting his actions to the appropriate authorities. He was responsible for what he did then as well as subsequently.

Ninthly ... well you've probably dozed off long ago, so I'll stop here.

All the best.

[boy_toy_08]

OMG! I can't believe I said I'll shoot all over you! Sorry!

Prozac was the first line yup, I was surprised too, keeping in mind I was 15 when the prescription started!!! I regret being prescribed it as it's messing me up. If I go a couple of days without I get grumpy, angry, violent etc. I will deffo speak to my GP when I go back.

I reall don't find counseeling to help...I don't know if I need it though...since it's so isolated you don't really get a choice who you see. Besides I stopped going months ago, it was not doing anything for me.

There's a new group LGBT CAITHNESS which I am helping to set up, in fact our second meeting is 16th of this month...so I don't know if I'll be giving or receiving support considering I've been recruited to publicise it and try to show peoplw the support is there. I shall have a word with the founder and maybe she'll be sympathetic to my situation and let me take a back seat for now.

I have a social worker who was appointed from the time of the assualt on me. I also have a support worker from a local community group who helps with finance planning, paperwork, etc as well as being a shoulder to cry on and a source of advice, since she is a mother of two.

I have to resit next year and I don't know if I can handle being in there anymore. I hate it there. But I really want to do well for myself and I know I have the potntial...not to sound big-headed, but I've been told I'm intelligent. In my standard grades (GCSE equivalent) I got eight 1s (equivalent of an A).

I need guidance and I don't know what to do with my life. I think I've grown up too fast and I'm older than my time. That's why I want to leave school and get on with life.

Also I need a break away but A) can't afford it, B) have nobody to go with!

Thanks so much for taking time to get back to me mate!

xxx

[marshlander]

Well actually, it wasn't me but Albert you threatened with your attentions, but you can't blame me for feeling a little defensive, though! Still, I figured you were rather overcome yourself ... by the spirit(s)?

Once again, you prove yourself to be an extraordinary person. I am relieved to hear that you are getting involved with local groups and I think you are wise to be cautious about the degree of commitment.

Obviously the decisions you make about counselling are up to you. What you've said doesn't completely change my mind, but I'm pleased to see that the local statutory and voluntary agencies haven't abandoned you.

School is important, but not the be-all and end-all. I'm sorry that you are facing resits, that's such a bore, but I guess you have had a lot of distractions from your school work over the past year or so However, your standard grades are pretty important. Nearly every employer will expect to see passes in English and Maths these days for starters. Not having those will make life more difficult.

I'm not surprised to see that your teachers regard your potential so highly, but if you really can't face any more school, is there a local institution of further education that would suit you better? You could probably take a mix of qualifications that would include the necessary in Eng and Ma, key skills and possibly GNVQ, or whatever you have up there in the frozen north. Maybe you could look at doing something with the photography.

Probably the most difficult thing to get your head round at the moment is planning ahead. In your shoes I think my head would be all over the place. Use the people around you as sounding boards, but weigh up the advice carefully before either following it blindly or dismissing it out of hand. The sad truth is that however much you might want a change of scenery you probably need to get yourself into a situation where you can afford it first. If you can do it, you might be glad in the near future that were able to commit to seeing the education thing through, but I don't think anyone would blame you if you decided to get out there and start earning. However, if you do that you might want to weigh it up against the disadvantages of what you could lose from any financial support you might be already receiving.

[boy_toy_08]

Ok a lot of stuff to take into account...you're the first person that told me school isn't the be all and end all! The rector has been pressuring me constantly. By the way i have my standard grades under my belt...it's highers (A levels) that I should be restting....Maths, English, French, Chemistry, biology...I've been predicted As for them all..if I put the work in...but school is bringing me down...