Venting about kids

[Lilitu]

some times there are bad parents...sometimes there are bad kids.

Sometimes nature takes over from nurture and alternative means of discipline are required.

Every child that deserves a boot up the arse should have one, doesn't always mean that mum and dad love you any less.

actually, I think it's important that children know that whenever they purposefully do something wrong, their parents love them a little bit less and that love has to be earned back.

I think unconditional love is a barrier to a very good way of teaching naughty children the real ways of life.

I imagine that I could end up not loving my children at all, if they end up terrible people. They made me love them less and less. After all, they are people, although bound by blood, they're still separate people.

I think to tell if a child is a good child or not is whether s/he knows that s/he should be loved by their parents.

In fact, I think that you get accustomed to things and this is often mistaken for love. Family members whom I've not seen for a long time fall out of being accustomed to, and honestly, I know I don't love them, because I don't know them.

This is why people can 'love' absolutely horrible humans. Because they're accustomed to them.

[megumidesu]

actually, I think it's important that children know that whenever they purposefully do something wrong, their parents love them a little bit less and that love has to be earned back.

I think unconditional love is a barrier to a very good way of teaching naughty children the real ways of life.

I imagine that I could end up not loving my children at all, if they end up terrible people. They made me love them less and less. After all, they are people, although bound by blood, they're still separate people.

I think to tell if a child is a good child or not is whether s/he knows that s/he should be loved by their parents.

if a child knows that their parents don't love him/her , then that probably wouldn't do them any good at all . it could potentially make them much worse ...

[MisterTinkles]

Spanking is not some vital tool when it comes to raising a child. There are other ways to discipline your children that don't involve violence.

Spanking isnt violence. Two firm whacks with the hand on the butt is all that is needed to get the point across (on most kids).

Beating is violence.

If kids dont learn there are repercussions to their words and actions at a young age, they wont know the horrors that await them when they get older, especially into adulthood.
To me the parents are setting their kid up for a hard fall. And the consensus around my "neck of the woods" is that the parents of kids who cant be bothered with one or two spankings when they start being little monsters, dont learn repercussions, respect, and authority...and will grow up to become future inmates in the already overcrowded prison system.

I wold think a few spankings as a kid would be a hell of a lot better than a life in prison, on the run, or on the most wanted list. NO, thats not ALL kids, but again....the consensus of the majority here.

And Im talking about parents in general, not the ones who actually take the time to sit down and explain to their kids WHY what they did or said is wrong, which is RARE.

And from what Ive seen over the years, MOST of these kids that dont get any kind of repercussions for their actions when younger, do grow up to be liars, cheats, frauds, thieves, and/or murderers. At the very least, the grow up and become spoiled assholes, thinking everything is to be given to them on a silver platter, and HOW DARE you say NO to THEM, that they are SO much better than you are, and you are only here to SERVE their whims and needs....that they never have to work for anything in their life.

[Lilitu]

if a child knows that their parents don't love him/her , then that probably wouldn't do them any good at all . it could potentially make them much worse ...

But the point is to make them realise they want to be loved. That's building their understanding of humanity.

[Nick9]

Lilitu please tell me it was meant as a joke

[megumidesu]

i could never stop loving my child , or even just love her less , because she'd done something bad . that would just make me want to teach her not to do it again ...

[megumidesu]

Spanking isnt violence. Two firm whacks with the hand on the butt is all that is needed to get the point across (on most kids).

Beating is violence.

If kids dont learn there are repercussions to their words and actions at a young age, they wont know the horrors that await them when they get older, especially into adulthood.
To me the parents are setting their kid up for a hard fall. And the consensus around my "neck of the woods" is that the parents of kids who cant be bothered with one or two spankings when they start being little monsters, dont learn repercussions, respect, and authority...and will grow up to become future inmates in the already overcrowded prison system.

I wold think a few spankings as a kid would be a hell of a lot better than a life in prison, on the run, or on the most wanted list. NO, thats not ALL kids, but again....the consensus of the majority here.

And Im talking about parents in general, not the ones who actually take the time to sit down and explain to their kids WHY what they did or said is wrong, which is RARE.

And from what Ive seen over the years, MOST of these kids that dont get any kind of repercussions for their actions when younger, do grow up to be liars, cheats, frauds, thieves, and/or murderers. At the very least, the grow up and become spoiled assholes, thinking everything is to be given to them on a silver platter, and HOW DARE you say NO to THEM, that they are SO much better than you are, and you are only here to SERVE their whims and needs....that they never have to work for anything in their life.

a lot of that does depend on the parents . it's fine saying that a parent should sit their kid down and explain why something is wrong , but what if the parent has a completely twisted attitude about right and wrong ?

[MisterTinkles]

My brother was spanked once when he was three or so. He learned his goddamn lesson.

I was never spanked. My parents just put the fear of god into me and I learned my goddamn lesson. I was terrified of the possibility their wrath, and even more so of their disappointment. Eventually this translated into wanting to do well for my own sake, so now that I'm out of the house in a new apartment I take care of my living space, do well in school without my folks looking over my shoulder, think for myself, and try not to be an obnoxious asshole to people until they earn me being an asshole to them. My parents are wonderful human beings and I don't know how they put up with children as well as they did. It boggles the mind. My parents most certainly did not give me anything I wanted, but they certainly 'spoiled' me in some ways. My brother and I never lacked for food or comfort or video games or love. Really the most important part was the intense love our parents gave us. It gave the times of discipline much more weight, so we kept our shit straight (for the most part. We've done more drugs between us than we'd ever like to tell our parents, at least for a while. I do intend to tell my dad one day, but I digress).

Look at all the good that came out of one spanking!!
Not just for your brother, but for you. And yes, you are correct, you have to back up the discipline with love and communication, otherwise youre just being a "mean" parent.

One spanking is better than no spanking in my opinion.

A parent who doesnt care, doesnt spank.....generally speaking.

Whats that old saying....
"Spare the rod, spoil the child"

[Lilitu]

Look at all the good that came out of one spanking!!
Not just for your brother, but for you. And yes, you are correct, you have to back up the discipline with love and communication, otherwise youre just being a "mean" parent.

One spanking is better than no spanking in my opinion.

A parent who doesnt care, doesnt spank.....generally speaking.

Whats that old saying....
"Spare the rod, spoil the child"

I like that quote,

I was smacked all the time, in kindergarten etc.

as a child, I remember not knowing when someone didn't like what i was doing, and sometimes, discipline through smacking confirmed that it was not a funny joke.

It taught me really well that when I do bad things people don't like me, and that I shouldn't do that again if i want them to like me again.

[SolemnBoy]

I feel like people in this thread are giving physical discipline way too much credit. Having a parent intentionally inflict pain on you as a punishment (even if it's just a smack) can be downright traumatizing and in my book a technique as such is likely to come from someone who can't be bothered with alternative solutions and takes the easy way out. If you can't think of a better way to discipline your children; to teach them, instruct them and raise them properly to become fine adults than hurting them, I believe you've failed miserably as a parent.

I'm not looking to offend anyone, this is merely my opinion. Oh, and believe me, it's not some sort of weakness from my part. I won't tolerate any of the aforementioned behaviour once I'm a parent but there's no way I'd inflict unnecessary pain on on my children.