Venting about kids

[SolemnBoy]

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

And I know some people here will say things like "but I was spanked and I turned out okay" - you're merely individual parts of the bigger picture. Obviously there are exceptions.

[partisan]

Solemnboy has a point, smart intelligent people should be able to find other ways, if the kids are acting very irrational, i,d say its in part to there enviroment and how there parents behave, some people shouldnt be parents in my book as there little more than kids themselves. I would so there are some cases when a smart smack on the back side wont cause no harm and.is needed, good parents retain that right.

[SolemnBoy]

This thread is actually surprising me. I mean, I don't mind discussing it but to see so many people condone violence (albeit not very severe) in the context of raising children is strange.

If either of my parents ever lay a hand on me they'd have to rightfully beg my forgiveness.

[Lilitu]

I feel like people in this thread are giving physical discipline way too much credit. Having a parent intentionally inflict pain on you as a punishment (even if it's just a smack) can be downright traumatizing and in my book a technique as such is likely to come from someone who can't be bothered with alternative solutions and takes the easy way out. If you can't think of a better way to discipline your children; to teach them, instruct them and raise them properly to become fine adults than hurting them, I believe you've failed miserably as a parent.

I'm not looking to offend anyone, this is merely my opinion. Oh, and believe me, it's not some sort of weakness from my part. I won't tolerate any of the aforementioned behaviour once I'm a parent but there's no way I'd inflict unnecessary pain on on my children.

Actually that raises a good point: inflicting pain on children.

I think any punishment is about pain and learning that that pain is bad.

And for different children different forms of pain are more effective and/or more painful.

For me, I found being lectured on things and told off when I was little more painful than being smacked. For others it would be different.
The worst pain I believe is pain that comes without influence from parents. That's the best type of lesson, an act that serves as its own punishment.

Just because I smack my child doesn't mean I'm necessarily inflicting more pain on my child than if I told him off.

So I guess... XP everything comes back to there's no right answer.

[SolemnBoy]

Actually that raises a good point: inflicting pain on children.

I think any punishment is about pain and learning that that pain is bad.

And for different children different forms of pain are more effective and/or more painful.

For me, I found being lectured on things and told off when I was little more painful than being smacked. For others it would be different.
The worst pain I believe is pain that comes without influence from parents. That's the best type of lesson, an act that serves as its own punishment.

Just because I smack my child doesn't mean I'm necessarily inflicting more pain on my child than if I told him off.

So I guess... XP everything comes back to there's no right answer.

Learning how to accept criticism and being verbally corrected after you've done something wrong is an important part of adulthood. If you don't learn that lesson, preferrably early on, you'll grow up with social disadvantages and you'll have problems accepting even constructive criticism which is bound to re-appear negatively in your line of work at some point.

Learning to accept being hit is NOT a part of the life you want to prepare your children for. It doesn't come down to which punishment is the least or most painful, it comes down to which punishment serves a good purpose with as few consequences as possible.

[Grey]

As to the violence. My sister does not to my knowledge spank her kids. Honestly ive had my feelings hurt that my mom will not allow her grandkids to be spanked when she allowed my dad to beat me within an inch of my life til I was 17. She also isn't above slapping the shit outta me even though im 24 years old. I wasn't spanked as a child. And as far as I can remember I was well behaved. I know that with some kids it comes to a point that spanking is all that will work. I spanked my nephew once when I took him to the park an he bit a 9 year old and made him cry. I doubt he even felt it through his diaper.

Will I spank my own kids? Probably, but not as a first resort. I don't believe a parent ever has the right to slap, punch, or burn a kid no matter what they've done, all of which my dad did to me. I think my sisters kids would benefit from not being so spoiled, but my mom does it to the extreme and it almost makes me sick. Sometimes I think "wow, i'm your son and your willing to slap me and call me a faggot because I made you mad , but its ok for my niece to spit on people.

If my parents taught me nothing else, its how not to raise a child.

[SolemnBoy]

So instead stating what you feel and leaving at that, you hang around and denigrate everyone else whose opinion is different to yours?

You are forcing your opinion onto everyone that does not think the same as you, you are creating conflict because you are preaching your beliefs hence you are attacking everyone in a passive manner that does not agree with you.

and why are you doing this? Because you interpret a different meaning of the word 'VIOLENCE'

Learn when to SHUT UP and respect other members and their opinions, because right now you are being extremely disrespectful.

What? I've been saying things like "This is just MY opinion" and "I believe" all the time to emphasize that it's how I feel, not the actual objective truth. I do feel like someone who hits their child is failing at parenting. However, like I said, that's just my own opinion and not once have I said it's the right one - I've merely argued for it.

[Grey]

Some kids are just hard to punish. When I was like 12 or 13 all I did was sit at home and read, there was nothing to ground me from. I wasn't spanked as a child, not that I remember. But my mom was determined to slap Jesus into my head one way or another and my dad was worse. (Though he had Jack Daniels as an excuse not Jesus)

I don't think spanking is beating. But I do think slapping is. Beat you kids and you mess them up in the head, trust me I know.

[SolemnBoy]

You are belittling people, accusing them of violence, you are aggressively forcing your opinion on everyone in this discussion. You are NOT simply stating your opinion, you are forcing your beliefs down peoples throats.

You can state the the sky is orange for the rest of your life, but it does not mean that they sky is orange.

You are a lovely young man, but you need to learn that you are pissing people off, 99% of them choose to stay silent.

Never EVER argue an opinion....because opinions are like arseholes...everyone has one and theirs is the only one that doesn't stink.

Opinions are not fact so you cannot argue them because there is no right or wrong. State your opinion and leave it at that.

end of discussion.

I don't wish to sound disrespectful but we can probably drop the sugarcoating: you do NOT think I'm a lovely young man I think at this point we've both come to terms with that.

Furthermore, at this point I WOULD apologize, except I simply disagree with what you've been saying. I didn't leave it at my opinion, I posted a link to a study that further supported my case and I don't believe that I ever said anything disrespectful.

I said that I personally believe someone who hits their child is failing as a parent... and I stand by that. In accordance to my own, personal worldview that's simply what they're doing. It's not necessarily true, but I personally believe it is. Saying that someone is failing is basically the same as saying they're doing something in the wrong way. In other words, what I've been saying is "If you hit your future children I believe you're disciplining them in the wrong way".

And obviously, like you pointed out, words like "spank" and "smack" are left for the reader to decipher. However, in some of Lilitu's comments we did talk specifically about physical PAIN as punishment. Once again we're not talking extreme levels of pain but pain nonetheless - in other words what I'D call violence.

So to sum things up: I don't believe I've been disrespectful. But obviously you do and I don't mind that.

[Lilitu]

Absolutely not, the only real 'answer' comes from opinions based on life experience.

The words 'violence' and 'assault' have been over defined to include any physical contact.

Oh yes that is exactly what is wrong! That's what the anti smacking bill that came before parliament a few years ago was trying to do!
The problem when politics get involved is that we turn into a society where a tap on the shoulder or a light playful punch gets you incarcerated for 'abuse'