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I'm gay, so why do I find the LGBT community more offensive than supportive
#1
First some background. I'm out, I have been for years. My partner and I have been together for over 10 years and, now that Prop 8 and DOMA have been defeated, are planning to get married. I don't own a rainbow anything, have never gone to a PRide event or made it a point to tell everyone I'm gay. I've always just been me and if someone asked, I told them. Otherwise I just never brought it up.

This past Saturday my partner and I went to San Francisco for Pride. I honestly did not want to go. I was expecting it to be over the top/border line offensive and much to my dismay, was right. Needless to say I was miserable the entire time, but put up with it as best I could for the sake of my partner.

This led to a bit of a fight and he asked me why it made me so angry/uncomfortable. So I started thinking about it and broke it down into the most angering pieces and made a list of ACTUAL events that day:
1. Naked people - If you're comfortable in your skin, great, more power to you. There were a lot more people though that were practically parading around. It's a bit much, especially when you're walking around and BAM! There it is.

2. Barely clothed people - This too seems to be much more prevalent in the LGBT community and "gay friendly" areas. Granted, it happens in the hetero community too but those women and/or guys tend to cluster together while everyone else largely ignores them. To me though it seems like the LGBT community encourages it.

3. Hyped up sexual behavior - I honestly don't even know where to begin with this. Aside from the occasional "gay" shop, every bar and district I've ever been in has posters/ads for adult themed locker rooms, dance clubs, toys, etc. etc. etc. I get it, some LGBT men and women like sex but is it REALLY necessary to have it constantly forced on you?

4. Rainbow EVERYTHING - Really this is just too much for me. I understand the symbolism, I really do. The LGBT community as a whole has not had equal rights. The flag is a symbol of unity, but when something isn't considered gay friendly without being drenched in rainbow sherbet colors, it's ridiculous and borderline offensive to me. The defeat of DOMA and Proposition 8 were HUGE! Seriously though why does gay = cover it in rainbows?

Yesterday was my first, and quite honestly probably my last, Pride event. The above reasons plus the fact that even accepting hetero people feel the above is normal LGBT behavior makes me want to distance myself from the LGBT community even more. I'm not even comfortable with public displays of affection (my parents didn't really hold hands or kiss in public while I was growing up) so walking through an area filled with people half (and sometimes fully) naked pawing at each other freaks me out.

I honestly feel like I'm an anomaly, like I can't really call myself gay. I only have 2 gay friends, another couple whom we get along great with. Aside from that, all of my other friends are hetero, several of them married. All of them know I'm gay and whenever they have a get together or want to go to dinner/movies/etc. they invite us both, always.

All that leads to the question....why. Am I just too conservative to get it? Is it wrong that I find things like Pride and LGBT bars/districts/events offensive? Or have I spent so long around hetero people trying to be "normal" ("So Randy and I decided to go, just the two of us, to the aquarium. 'Oh, you're..gay?' "Yeah. We went and it was amazing. There's so many exhibits....") that I've turned into the very thing the LGBT community fights against?
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#2
Hi and welcome to the forum!

I have never been to the Pride and I believe they differ from town to town.

Maybe you will find out that you are not alone with the thought though...
http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=25993
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#3
I read:
"There's an event centered around sexuality and I was surprised and uncomfortable that when I attended said event, much adult-oriented material was on display."

I don't think Pride will be necessary in coming years, and will likely become less sexually charged and more family friendly, as it's inception was based on liberation.
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#4
This is atleast springpride from my hometown (I have not attended to any), it does not contain any nudity or even to light dressed peps heh


Sometimes you need a bit of chaos in your life to be able to shrug off pitiful disdain about something meaningless.
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#5
I can relate to what you are saying. I really have no desire to attend a Gay Pride event other then the brunch we are making for 4 of my friends and I right now......our Gay Pride Brunch. It's a beautiful morning so we will dine out on the deck.
I like and appreciate low-key I guess
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#6
Nick9: Thank you for the link! I'm reading the thread now
Counselor: It's not just the event, it's nearly anything LGBT oriented. It just feels like to be gay or friends with someone who is you have to accept these things.
Zet: See, that's what I was hoping it would be like.
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#7
Don't feel ashamed because pride parades are not your thing. You can respectfully disagree with people because everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The thing about opinions though, is its, best to understand why someone believes something so theres a better understanding of one another.

Don't worry about being conservative and feeling the way you are, you have self awareness of your feelings when you said, "All that leads to the question....why. Am I just too conservative to get it? Is it wrong that I find things like Pride and LGBT bars/districts/events offensive? Or have I spent so long around hetero people trying to be "normal"" That shows you do care for the community, just gay pride parades are not your thing. Also, your on this forum to discuss your thoughts and feelings about things, which shows you care about the community here.

I think you should definitely give another parade a chance, I have yet to go to my first parade and I'm a bit nervous myself. I'm very shy and I don't want to go and realize i didn't like it. That being said, I realized myself that I need to stop over thinking and worrying. I got to let go and just have fun for once in my life.
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#8
themage18 Wrote:Nick9: Thank you for the link! I'm reading the thread now
Counselor: It's not just the event, it's nearly anything LGBT oriented. It just feels like to be gay or friends with someone who is you have to accept these things.
Zet: See, that's what I was hoping it would be like.

You don't want to be accepted? :tongue:

I do understand where you are coming from, and a lot of people seem to think Pride means "free license for inappropriate behaviour".
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#9
Dude... its San Francisco! LOL What do they call themselves? The gay 'capital' or something? I'm not surprised if they behaved the way they did...I think it just differs from town to town, because the gay-pride in Vancouver is VERY family friendly(okay a few topless(guys) but that's about it)
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#10
I stated pretty much the same things in another thread.

These arent "pride" parades, they are PORN parades.

And you cant honestly hate heteros for despising the gay population, when all they do is flaunt their genitals at you on a float! Disgusting, nauseating, and stomach churning.

You want a pride parade? Put up floats of Doctors and the people they have cured. Put up politicians and the laws they got passed to help protect people. Put up firemen who have risked their lives to save people. Put up people who UNselfishly give of themselves in volunteer organizations.

THAT is something to be proud of.

What your bush looks like, how big your dick is, or how big of an ass you have has NOTHING to do with pride.....unless you are in the PORN business!!!

You are NOT alone in thinking and feeling the way you do.
WE are not the one's with a "problem"....THEY are the one's with major psychological problems!!!
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