I'm gay, so why do I find the LGBT community more offensive than supportive
06-30-2013, 05:58 PM
First some background. I'm out, I have been for years. My partner and I have been together for over 10 years and, now that Prop 8 and DOMA have been defeated, are planning to get married. I don't own a rainbow anything, have never gone to a PRide event or made it a point to tell everyone I'm gay. I've always just been me and if someone asked, I told them. Otherwise I just never brought it up.
This past Saturday my partner and I went to San Francisco for Pride. I honestly did not want to go. I was expecting it to be over the top/border line offensive and much to my dismay, was right. Needless to say I was miserable the entire time, but put up with it as best I could for the sake of my partner.
This led to a bit of a fight and he asked me why it made me so angry/uncomfortable. So I started thinking about it and broke it down into the most angering pieces and made a list of ACTUAL events that day:
1. Naked people - If you're comfortable in your skin, great, more power to you. There were a lot more people though that were practically parading around. It's a bit much, especially when you're walking around and BAM! There it is.
2. Barely clothed people - This too seems to be much more prevalent in the LGBT community and "gay friendly" areas. Granted, it happens in the hetero community too but those women and/or guys tend to cluster together while everyone else largely ignores them. To me though it seems like the LGBT community encourages it.
3. Hyped up sexual behavior - I honestly don't even know where to begin with this. Aside from the occasional "gay" shop, every bar and district I've ever been in has posters/ads for adult themed locker rooms, dance clubs, toys, etc. etc. etc. I get it, some LGBT men and women like sex but is it REALLY necessary to have it constantly forced on you?
4. Rainbow EVERYTHING - Really this is just too much for me. I understand the symbolism, I really do. The LGBT community as a whole has not had equal rights. The flag is a symbol of unity, but when something isn't considered gay friendly without being drenched in rainbow sherbet colors, it's ridiculous and borderline offensive to me. The defeat of DOMA and Proposition 8 were HUGE! Seriously though why does gay = cover it in rainbows?
Yesterday was my first, and quite honestly probably my last, Pride event. The above reasons plus the fact that even accepting hetero people feel the above is normal LGBT behavior makes me want to distance myself from the LGBT community even more. I'm not even comfortable with public displays of affection (my parents didn't really hold hands or kiss in public while I was growing up) so walking through an area filled with people half (and sometimes fully) naked pawing at each other freaks me out.
I honestly feel like I'm an anomaly, like I can't really call myself gay. I only have 2 gay friends, another couple whom we get along great with. Aside from that, all of my other friends are hetero, several of them married. All of them know I'm gay and whenever they have a get together or want to go to dinner/movies/etc. they invite us both, always.
All that leads to the question....why. Am I just too conservative to get it? Is it wrong that I find things like Pride and LGBT bars/districts/events offensive? Or have I spent so long around hetero people trying to be "normal" ("So Randy and I decided to go, just the two of us, to the aquarium. 'Oh, you're..gay?' "Yeah. We went and it was amazing. There's so many exhibits....") that I've turned into the very thing the LGBT community fights against?
This past Saturday my partner and I went to San Francisco for Pride. I honestly did not want to go. I was expecting it to be over the top/border line offensive and much to my dismay, was right. Needless to say I was miserable the entire time, but put up with it as best I could for the sake of my partner.
This led to a bit of a fight and he asked me why it made me so angry/uncomfortable. So I started thinking about it and broke it down into the most angering pieces and made a list of ACTUAL events that day:
1. Naked people - If you're comfortable in your skin, great, more power to you. There were a lot more people though that were practically parading around. It's a bit much, especially when you're walking around and BAM! There it is.
2. Barely clothed people - This too seems to be much more prevalent in the LGBT community and "gay friendly" areas. Granted, it happens in the hetero community too but those women and/or guys tend to cluster together while everyone else largely ignores them. To me though it seems like the LGBT community encourages it.
3. Hyped up sexual behavior - I honestly don't even know where to begin with this. Aside from the occasional "gay" shop, every bar and district I've ever been in has posters/ads for adult themed locker rooms, dance clubs, toys, etc. etc. etc. I get it, some LGBT men and women like sex but is it REALLY necessary to have it constantly forced on you?
4. Rainbow EVERYTHING - Really this is just too much for me. I understand the symbolism, I really do. The LGBT community as a whole has not had equal rights. The flag is a symbol of unity, but when something isn't considered gay friendly without being drenched in rainbow sherbet colors, it's ridiculous and borderline offensive to me. The defeat of DOMA and Proposition 8 were HUGE! Seriously though why does gay = cover it in rainbows?
Yesterday was my first, and quite honestly probably my last, Pride event. The above reasons plus the fact that even accepting hetero people feel the above is normal LGBT behavior makes me want to distance myself from the LGBT community even more. I'm not even comfortable with public displays of affection (my parents didn't really hold hands or kiss in public while I was growing up) so walking through an area filled with people half (and sometimes fully) naked pawing at each other freaks me out.
I honestly feel like I'm an anomaly, like I can't really call myself gay. I only have 2 gay friends, another couple whom we get along great with. Aside from that, all of my other friends are hetero, several of them married. All of them know I'm gay and whenever they have a get together or want to go to dinner/movies/etc. they invite us both, always.
All that leads to the question....why. Am I just too conservative to get it? Is it wrong that I find things like Pride and LGBT bars/districts/events offensive? Or have I spent so long around hetero people trying to be "normal" ("So Randy and I decided to go, just the two of us, to the aquarium. 'Oh, you're..gay?' "Yeah. We went and it was amazing. There's so many exhibits....") that I've turned into the very thing the LGBT community fights against?
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Sagittarius
