How do I stop feeling lustful?

[Anonymous]

Hey, I'm a gay guy and I have a problem that keeps effecting me.

That is I get really horny and end up talking to some prvy guy on Skype. I do my deed and talk all dirty and that. But then afterwords I feel dirty and shamed of my self then get really depressed and don't want to see anyone.

Im shamed as some stuff happened to me as a kid, and i start thinking about it after I do anything.

Its totally messing up dating for me, as I get horny with a guy as soon as I meet them and we end up fooling around or even having sex on the first date, then I feel crap again and don't want to see them again.

I'm really starting to think of becoming a monk of something..

How do I stop this from happening to me, I mean Im not the type of person this happens too.

Help!!!

[pellaz]

Admitting there is an issue, is a good small first step. Necessary.

Do you feel you can solve the problem on your own. If not look at a few clinical situations, if the one of choice becomes dead ended find another.

most mental health issues are re occurring and need maintenance more than a permanent solution.

[SolemnBoy]

I think the real problem is your shame not your lust.

[Wade]

I think it depends what you want out of life, and if this cycle makes you unhappy, then you need to take action to change it. You need to understand why it is that you're compelled to do this (which there's nothing wrong with what you're doing by the way - but I can understand why you'd like to stop it).

If you really believe that this behavior is tied to childhood trauma then your smartest option is going to be professional counseling. No shame in it. That's why it exists. Gotta attack the root of the problem.

Ya only got only life and if you're unhappy, then you gotta change that shit son. Know wa I'm sayin'?

[ardus]

I don't think being horny and lustful is a problem, but it sounds like it's a problem for you because you're feeling guilty and ashamed about it.
As some others have said I think seeing a professional to talk about it is a good option, if nothing else you get to say out loud what's going on and what you are feeling in a non threatening context.
Hope things get better for you my friend.
Richard

[MisterTinkles]

I think if there is a problem and you can't deal with it, like what happened when you were a kid, you may need to seek counselling because that problem is too big for you to figure out on your own.

What he said!!!

[Anonymous]

Ive really gone to far now, last night I meet this guy and I nearly let him have sex with me with out using a condom, bet lucky I didn't let him penetrate me.

I'm going to a sexual health clinic to get check out later today.

But I do agree I need to talk to someone, I have had counseling on this matter but they always seem to not want to go there, or they don't have the right training is what i think.

I have bumped into a couple of the nurses from my local sexual health clinic through work, and told them about it, they said they would be happy to talk about it and see what they can do. I never got around to go and see them though. I guess after what happened last night I need to see them now.

I thought about you know doing something after that happened but just ended up driving to the coast and back which told all night.

I feel I just let people do stuff to me and I go along with it. I'm not like that, normally I'm very good at telling people what I think.

[Anonymous]

hmm I'm a little worried as I'm hurting quite bad.

[princealbertofb]

Hey, I'm a gay guy and I have a problem that keeps effecting me.

That is I get really horny and end up talking to some prvy guy on Skype. I do my deed and talk all dirty and that. But then afterwords I feel dirty and shamed of my self then get really depressed and don't want to see anyone.

Im shamed as some stuff happened to me as a kid, and i start thinking about it after I do anything.

Its totally messing up dating for me, as I get horny with a guy as soon as I meet them and we end up fooling around or even having sex on the first date, then I feel crap again and don't want to see them again.

I'm really starting to think of becoming a monk of something..

How do I stop this from happening to me, I mean Im not the type of person this happens too.

Help!!!

Anonymous, you'd made a very poor monk if lust is that much of an issue. Maybe it would be best to aknowledge the fact that you are a sexed person and most sexed people need to fulfill their sex urges, there's nothing wrong with that.

The fact that your sexuality was messed up by your youth experiences shouldn't prevent you from enjoying an enlightened adult sex life now, but it is also possible that it has imprinted itself highly on your libido. What you probably need to do is talk to someone about this problem of self loathing. Why exactly is it that you hate about these experiences? Is it the fact that you are too vulnerable to the lust of others? Is it the fact that these are same sex encounters rather than opposite sex encounters? Have you heard any of those guys complaining about the sex? Do you get the impression that you are the one initiating the sex or do you get the impression that you are too easily swayed into having the sexual intercourse, and offer no or little resistance?

Maybe you should try to find a partner who is not into sex on the first date, one who wants to take things slowly, and one who can gradually get to know you before you decide to have a sexual encounter? Maybe it's the places where you are looking for a hook-up which are not the right places for a different kind of encounter? Since this problem seems to be affecting your mood and is probably giving you depression, I would suggest you try talking to a counsellor, someone whose job is to help you see better why you adopt this kind of behaviour. He or she will help you to see why you are doing this, and maybe will help you to adopt other patterns of behaviour.

[Anonymous]

I feel so alone at the moment though, I don't have anyone to talk to about it?

I got appointment on Thursdays with a counselor deals with these matters.