Ya another relationship advice post!

[Medstud]

Hey all,

I've been debating a number of issues in my current relationship and truly need your advice, expertise and experience with love.

I have been with my bf for a year and 3 months now, and monogamous ( wouldnt want it any other way). I have noticed that we are hitting a plateau in terms of relationship "umff". I also am way more romantic than he is, which makes it a bit difficult for me as I am very creative, frisky, emotionally inclined....and he's more goofy and not very affectionate. Obviously he was more affectionate at first hence why I fell for him, but now its just become very routine "love yous", " miss yous" etc. He no longer surprises me, tackles me to the ground or the small things you kinda want to maintain.

I have discussed this many MANY times with him, and it results in a mild improvement for a day or 2 and back to point zero. He tells me that he is giving the most he can ... but to me being affectionate is super easy and is effortless ( as it should be in a relationship). I have always been the kind that is open about emotions and always discuss when i am down or disappointing, which recently feels like too often.

Fuck, all I want is to be loved as much as i can love and I don't know why this is difficult in this relationship. I love the guy, we live together...but i feel he isnt putting effort and it really puts a damper on my romantic side and makes me just give up on being romantic......sometimes i wonder if i am settling.

Not to toot my own horn, but I have a great career ahead of me, I am intelligent...very kind on the eyes, where am i fucking up? i just never thought that loving me might be a difficult task per se. I am easy going and for the most part flexible, but it just seems that affection in this relationship is imbalanced.

How do you deal with that in a relationship? should I give in to this supposed "normal relationship plateau? or grow balls and realize that there might be better and bigger love for me out there?

issue 2: His job entails him to work with many gay guys, all the time. I am the jealous kind and always have trouble dealing with him being close with single gay guys. He hates that about me, and I wonder how do I even fix that? ...He apparently never feels jealous cause he trusts me... but it isnt a trust thing, i just dont trust other single gay guys! I am still a student and he works a job that has a lot of traveling and over nights.

[LateBloomer]

Let me guess: he's a flight attendant?



I wish I had some answers for you. I can relate to a couple things you complain about, but I seriously don't have any answers here.

My best advice is to keep the communication going. Don't be shy to ask for what you want or need.

As for his job, I assume he was doing the same job when you met. When we date someone, we date the WHOLE person. He is who he is, good parts and not so good parts. If you can't handle his job, frankly it's YOUR problem, not his. You need to accept that is who he is. So start working on getting rid of the gnawing insecurity that other guys are hitting on him. Most likely THEY ARE. That's just life. How HE handles it and how YOU handle it are more important.

This is something I actually know a little bit about. My BF is super cute and charming (lucky me)! I've been out with him when other guys hit on him right in front of me. The NERVE! But it makes me feel good when I know my BF handles himself with class and dignity and respects me and our relationship. I hope your BF handles himself the same way.

Good luck.

[Undreamt]

Communication and trust is the key.

Remember some people express things in different ways, you seem to be very action orientated (your focus is on what someone does), perhaps he is more verbal orientated (talking about things) or time orientated (being available for someone), maybe he is trying to show you that he does love you but not in the way that you're expecting.

Speaking for myself I can sometimes find it hard to express myself, often the only way i can think of to show my bf that i'm thinking of him is by buying stuff. (which can be tricky cos you can your bf chocolate when he's on a diet :S)
I'm also a physical contact type of person but I have incredibly bad timing and my partner is often busy so at times i've been a bit afraid to give him the bear hug that I want to give him because it looks like he is in the middle of doing soemthign and i don't want to disturb him.

How well can he read your body language? Does he know when your approachable? when your busy? do you give him the oppotunity to show you that he cares?

Also the fact that your getting jealous says that their is a bit of a trust issue. Wether or not you trust other guys should be irrelivant, should it really matter if other guys are drooling over what you have? Your boy is only going to stray if you push him away.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

And you can't tackle him because......?

There are stages to love - Google it - lots of websites.

Just because its no longer hot/passionate/romantic doesn't mean he has stopped loving you, it means he has moved on and a more practical form of love has set in, one that allows you all to work, pay bills and do all of the mundane crap that life demands.

All couples have that happen - That fairytale relationship where the couple live happily ever after is a fairytale. Unless you are idle rich the nominal stressors of day to day life drive a wedge into place. People get tired, people get caught up in all of the other stuff first one day slips without cuddling/snuggling or in your case tackling then another.... and another....



Jealous of his coworkers at his Job: That is on you. And I assure you if you make your jealousy obvious and never let that dog go to sleep it will turn around and bite you on the butt. Jealousy in this case will translate to 'you don't trust me' - eventually it will turn to 'well if your going accuse me of sleeping around, fine, I will sleep around!'


You want more hugs and cuddles and tackling, then be the hugger/cuddler/tackler.

Or is he screaming 'Stop touching me you freak!!!!' when you initiate? If so then I strongly suggest a couples therapist.

If not, then you may have to be the leader in this... he might actually need you to lead in the touch department - a lot of guys are raised to believe that touching is forbidden, that signs of affection like hugs, cuddles, etc are 'gay' - wait, yeah - he is gay - but honestly who wants to be 'gay' in the way that society has painted homosexuality?