Bisexuality. Yeah, it's back.

[VileKyle]

Yes, I am going there again. Some of you will hate me for it, but I really do not give a damn. It needs to be said, since it was just swept under the rug before.

This is a problem that has been bugging me since before I even came out. It was also part of why I didn't want to come out; there was nowhere that I belonged. Why is it that in the LGBT community, there still exists a social stigma towards bisexuality and pansexuality? Are we still stuck in the bigoted mindset that everyone who belongs to a certain sexuality is exactly the same? And why must we be forced to pick a sexual identity which fits into what others think is acceptable right now?

Let's start with what bisexuality really means to clear up exactly what we're even talking about. The prefix "bi" means two, which leads to most people thinking that bisexuals are just into men and women. The other main options are "homo" and "hetero," which mean "same" and "different." So if bi includes both "same" and "different" attractions, bisexuality can include attraction to others who are like us and not like us. In a way, bisexuality is the same as, or at least borders on, pansexuality for a good number of people. Some bisexuals do only like men and women though. Others do not have that limitation.

It's not about who we are attracted to. It's more about the fact that we do not limit our dating pool based on gender or similar factors. Heterosexuals limit their dating pool to the opposite gender and homosexuals limit their dating pool to the same gender. Bisexuals or pansexuals (whichever term you prefer) do not limit themselves to that factor. That's really all there is to it.

Now to the many stereotypes I've heard...

"Bisexuality is just a phase." or "Bisexuals are just confused"

Many people believe that bisexuality is just a phase people go through before they discover their true sexual identity. This seems to be one of the most common beliefs. This may be true for some people who have later come out as gay, which is likely why this idea even exists in the first place. But just because a few people have gone that path, does it mean that all bisexuals are that way? Don't many people who come out as gay start by identifying themselves as straight first? By that logic, we could say that all straight people are really just going through a phase before they find their true sexual identity. The truth is that some people are truly bisexual, and it is not a phase that just passes over time. It is a legitimate sexuality that needs to be respected. We do exist and we are not going to pick sides just to make you happy.

"If you are in a relationship with the same gender, you are gay. If you are in a relationship with the opposite gender, you are straight."

This is a fun one. The problem with this is that sexuality is not about who you are currently in a relationship, nor who you are currently having sex with. It is more the ability to have those relations. Bisexuality is about who you are capable of being attracted to. If I am dating a man, I can still be attracted to women. And if I am dating a woman, I can still be attracted to men. That is what makes me bisexual. I don't have to be with both at the same time. Say, for instance, I am dating someone with brown hair. Does that mean I can't like people with red hair? Am I forever locked in the status of someone who just likes brown hair?

"Bisexuals cannot be monogamous." or "Bisexuals are promiscuous."

This is one of my favorites. The idea is that because I am attracted to more than one gender, I am going to sleep with everyone I am attracted to and be unfaithful to anyone I am in a relationship with. Either that, or we have to be in open relationships or have threesomes. Let me use the example of hair color I used above again. If I am in a relationship with someone with brown hair, but am also attracted to another person with black hair, am I instantly going to go and fool around with the black-haired person just because I find them attractive? Does attraction always cause unfaithfulness? No. Unfaithfulness causes unfaithfulness. We are capable of a lifelong relationship, marriage or otherwise, with one person without being unfaithful to them. Next, am I going to insist that there be a threesome because I am attracted to multiple people? No. You have threesomes because you like threesomes. I find this myth the most amusing because I am "gifted" with such a low sex drive. I am attracted to both men and women, but I rarely ever have, or need, sex. When I am dating someone, I am purely theirs regardless of their gender. I do not mess around with anyone outside that relationship. I also hate threesomes and one-night-stands. I want to be with one person in a long and committed relationship. I just don't care what gender they are.

"A bisexual will eventually leave me for someone of the other gender."

Sure, a bisexual may break up with you. There are many things besides gender that cause breakups though. It isn't just because they got bored of whatever is in your pants. Their next partner may be someone of the other gender. It may also be someone of the same gender. Breakups happen. People find new relationships. Bisexuals just don't care about the gender of that next relationship. Maybe the next person is just a better person than you are.

"Women can be bisexual, but men cannot."

This one makes absolutely no sense to me. Why would any sexual identity ever be limited to your gender? I don't even know where to go with this one. If someone actually believes this, please explain it to me. All I can think of is that women aren't as afraid to be honest about their sexuality, so you do see more of them out of the closet. Kudos to them. There's no reason to be afraid. Well us male bisexuals exist too, and I'm no longer afraid.

"In order to be bisexual, you have to be equally attracted to men and women."

There is the idea that bisexual means 50% attraction towards either side. Really, bisexuality can mean 60%/40% or even 20%/30%. The total doesn't even have to add up to 100%. It can also mean 10%/30%/60%. As I've said above, it does not just have to be limited to two genders. For some (but not all), these numbers can even change over time. It never has to be half and half.

"Bisexuals have the best of both worlds."

I love this one too. I may even have believed it at one time. We sure do have it great; don't we? We get to choose from a wide variety of both men and women and don't have to limit ourselves. Well that would be true if the above stereotypes didn't exist. Because we identify ourselves as bisexual, we do limit ourselves. We are not limited by the gender of people we may be attracted to; others limit us by deciding to never give bisexuals a chance. Among straight people, we are still seen as "queer," yet there is even less support to gain acceptance in that crowd. Among gay people, we still do not fit in because we are not "gay" enough. There is discrimination aimed at us from both worlds.

"Bisexuals just want attention" or "Bisexuals just want to be cool."

After dealing with everything above, why would anyone choose to identify as bisexual? People who do just want the attention may be those who give light to the "just a phase" stereotype when the attention factor wears off. For the rest, it certainly isn't cool for us to not fit in. Why would anyone choose that?

.
.
.

So what am I really trying to say with all this?

I am not just crying for attention or aiming to gather your sympathy. I don't want any of that crap. Nor am I saying that bisexuals face more discrimination than any other group. Yes, there are others out there who face, or have faced, much worse than us. This, however, is not a competition to say who has it worse. All I am saying is that we are people just like you, only we have a slightly different sexual identity. We do not want that to define who we are or how we are seen. We are just as capable of true relationships as you are. Get rid of the above stereotypes and treat us as equals in the human race, for better or for worse. We want understanding and respect. We want to be part of the LGBT "community." We are just like you.

[kidchameleon]

You forgot "Bisexuals are just greedy"

I used to get that one a lot when I was younger and identified as bisexual more openly. But at a ratio like 80/20, I kinda figured it was easier to stick the Gay label on myself than have to explain to people why I dated guys more, and why I wasn't 50/50, and why I couldn't just give more girls a chance. Because at least where I came from, bisexuality was basically seen as "straight, but they make out with guys when they're drunk", so everyone just thought I was weird. So I probably identify as gay just to be accepted... which almost seems a little ironic in a sad sense...

I think some of the problems with perception towards bisexuality is that it kind of gets lumped in with the " beer queers" - as I've so succinctly heard them called - and a lot of other people who "pose" as bisexuals, for attention or whatever reason - as you mentioned - and then can't follow through. And then it gives people the impression that other bisexuals must be the same.

And I think on the male side, I think a lot of "straight" guys still see bisexuality as a little "too gay" to be accepted as the norm, whereas lesbianism (while not without its own haterz) is a little more accepted cause "the boiz find it totez hot".

So... in my opinion at least it's very much a male-caused problem. I think women are at least a little more accepting of these things than the "average" man. That's probably completely sexist to be honest, but it's just how my experiences have led to me to think.

[Spellbound]

I thought I'd remembered a study:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/05/health...d=all&_r=0

Quote:
"But a new study casts doubt on whether true bisexuality exists, at least in men. The study, by a team of psychologists in Chicago and Toronto, lends support to those who have long been skeptical that bisexuality is a distinct and stable sexual orientation. People who claim bisexuality, according to these critics, are usually homosexual, but are ambivalent about their homosexuality or simply closeted. "You're either gay, straight or lying," as some gay men have put it.

In the new study, a team of psychologists directly measured genital arousal patterns in response to images of men and women. The psychologists found that men who identified themselves as bisexual were in fact exclusively aroused by either one sex or the other, usually by other men."

[VileKyle]

I thought I'd remembered a study:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/05/health...d=all&_r=0

Quote:
"But a new study casts doubt on whether true bisexuality exists, at least in men. The study, by a team of psychologists in Chicago and Toronto, lends support to those who have long been skeptical that bisexuality is a distinct and stable sexual orientation. People who claim bisexuality, according to these critics, are usually homosexual, but are ambivalent about their homosexuality or simply closeted. "You're either gay, straight or lying," as some gay men have put it.

In the new study, a team of psychologists directly measured genital arousal patterns in response to images of men and women. The psychologists found that men who identified themselves as bisexual were in fact exclusively aroused by either one sex or the other, usually by other men."

So their test subjects weren't bisexual. Here's a test with actual bisexuals who were proven to be bisexual. It was also covered by the nytimes.com.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/23/health...exual.html

We do exist. We are not lying. We are not faking. We are not hiding.

[kidchameleon]

Ugh, yeah... I remember hearing about that first test.

Have they ever tried it with females, or is it just men they're trying to disprove? -_-'

[Spellbound]

So the second study carefully limited the people they looked at, and found that those who had actually been having sex with both sexes were bisexual, as opposed to those who identified as bisexual but were actually mainly homosexual in orientation.

Listen, I have no problem with anyone fancying anyone, and good luck if you like both guys and chicks. I just posted that because I thought it was interesting.

[VileKyle]

So the second study carefully limited the people they looked at, and found that those who had actually been having sex with both sexes were bisexual, as opposed to those who identified as bisexual but were actually mainly homosexual in orientation.

Listen, I have no problem with anyone fancying anyone, and good luck if you like both guys and chicks. I just posted that because I thought it was interesting.

It's all good. I'm just pointing out that there's more than one study about this. It's just frustrating when people try to disprove who I am as a person. What people don't understand is that just because some people are fakes, it doesn't mean all people are fakes.

[SolemnBoy]

Given the documentations of countless sexual preferences, each more bizarre and seemingly implausible than the last, I will never understand why bisexuals in particular face such degrees of doubt. In a world where we know there are people who get turned on by animals, corpses, animated demons raping pre-pubescent schoolgirls, incest, insects, inanimate objects etc. why is it so hard to understand that some people are attracted to both men and women?

[HomeagainNYC]

To my way of thinking bisexuals are the luckiest of all; they are the only people who can uses all the colors when painting their lives.

For the most part - the rest of mankind is bound by color palates, albeit not an unhappy circumstance - for most.

Validation, is not a requirement, when painting ones life.

[Counselor]

To my way of thinking bisexuals are the luckiest of all; they are the only people who can uses all the colors when painting their lives.

^This is why I make music instead of painting.