when i go out on my own my boyfreind always says "you arent going to have a mcdonalds without me are you?" or you are not going to be with yor mum all day are you? bear in mind i go out on my own about once a week and even when i am in the house and i get hungry he says "well what are you making for me" or "are you eating again?". i eat once or twice a day. very small portions, whereas he eats chocolate or crisps instead of real food unless i cook it and if i dont then i am being selfish. he dosnt contribute to the food shopping, but expects me to pay for everything and if i complain he says its me being tight with money and being selfish. that is only a small portion of the stuff he abuses me with. is it abuse or am i just being weird? i am very stressed please help and i am not being petty over small things its like just because i get a bit more money than him he resents it and expects me to spend it on him even though i have all the bills to pay out, i suffer with depression and somtimes he trys to upset me by saying nasty stuff, and he always has to do everything first. i dont understand this and i am getting more depressed even though i love him
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I've been in that kind of relationship before.... My honest opinion? RUN!
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i wish i could i have nowhere to run to it took me a year to get the house i am living in now he says he loves me. ihave been with him3 years, before that i had a 5 year relationship with someone who loved me for what i looked like but had to go out every week to make sure he could still pull another man. and starved me nearly to death.
jesus i just cant fkin win
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If it's one thing I really don't like, is being controlled or forced, but some thing I dislike even more, is when someone makes up an excuse for the Controller.
Gurl, regardless of Love, whether it be Mutual or not, you need to stand up for yourself and let your voice be heard! Shout at him if you have to, let him know what you think and feel!
Cause he will either continue and escalate or try to make an effort to better himself, as he sounds insecure, emasculated even and sorely egotistical and if he chooses the former, than you have to let a bitch go...
This is YOUR life we're talking about. Not "us" "we" and all this "But I..." business, no kick that guy to the curb or leave. You came in this life as an individual and you will leave it as one, so stop acting as if the entire fucking world will stop on it's axis if you split up.
If it's to better YOU and makes your life better, than you should do it.
I don't want for you to be "one of those people" who end up as a domestic abuse statistic and example, up on stage telling your story of how it all went wrong, despite the "love" between you two.
You need to have him check his behaviour and if he refuses, it's time to move on hunni. No ifs ands or buts. Unless he's 100% willing to change and be a better mate to you, then you have to close that door Sis.
Real Talk. Your gut is already telling you what you need to know, so you need to listen to it. Jiminy Cricket is on your shoulder gurl and you need to listen to that Hoe!
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ive shouted at him till im blue in the face he has his own logic that just dosnt make sense. hes told me to hit him. i dont want to hit him. he complains when i swear when we argue? he never swears he has to be in control of himself all the time its so weird. i try to escape by shutting my door and i think he wants me to physically throw him out so that he can be the victim. so fkd up i dont know what to make of it
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Honestly, I think you know the answer to your own questions. If you think your bf needs you to make him the victim in this situation, do it! Kick him out. Sometimes it sucks to be alone, but it's better than being in an unhealthy relationship.
[Disclaimer: My advice is worth twice as much as you pay for it.]
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Then let him be the victim that's his problem not yours
You move on and onto better, sunshine and smiles
Ships parting no forwarding address or he will use oh woe is me as blackmail for evermore and still control
you are the most important person in your life
you live once.... once
make it happy, there is no second time round
good luck
trial by error
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It could be worse. I have had lovers land me up in hospital, stalk me for months after leaving...
And for the record, the physical abuse is what comes after the controlling type abuse. It does not get better, it gets worse.
If you feel you are abused then there is only one thing you can do - kick him out or you leave.
He clearly doesn't respect you and as time wears on he will feel justified in 'punishing' you in whatever way he feels suits.
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SERIOUSLY, get rid of this loser NOW!
He's got serious issues, and is NOT worth your love.
His feelings of being inferior to you fuels the shittyness he puts onto you.
Him putting you down is a means to lift him up and over you, since he can't provide that being a good boyfriend.
Don't put up with it, and just leave.
There are WAY better guys out there that will love AND respect you, regardless of finances.
Life is too short to be wasting it on imbeciles of his standard.
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Sounds like to me he has at least two issues going on.
One is that he is insecure either in himself or your relationship. If he has to know where you are going or coming back or has to go with you everywhere, then that screams insecurity. He's afraid youre gonna secretly leave him or cheat on him with someone else or something. While thats kind of understandable/forgiveable over time its something he needs to deal with himself. Im guessing he's had someone leave and never return or die or something and he's still clinging onto that memory and wants to keep his thumb right on you so he can watch you which is the way he deals with loss. While again thats understandable, from what you wrote it sounds like he's suffocating you. Again its something that he needs to deal with. Im sure you can help him through it if you so choose.
The other issue I think he has is a sense of entitlement. If he's not working and make you pay for everything(at least the food from what you have said) and makes you cook all the time and makes you feel guilty for going out to eat without him thats not a good thing and is completely reprehensible. He should pull his own weight and do his part. Eating chocolate and crisps is no way to live your life in a healthy manner. That is something HE should deal with and you shouldnt have to. He needs to change his way of thinking of you and stop taking you for granted or from the sound of your post you are not gonna be in his life for much longer. Youre not his parent and you arent paid to babysit him. You are his partner and he should treat you as such.
Sadly I used to be sort of like your bf. I was very insecure in my relationship with my bf.(not to the point of your bf has become but somewhat similar) Thankfully we were able to work through it and we are both really happy now. I had to change my way of thinking. At some point Peter Pan has to grow up and be a real man not a boy any longer.
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