think my boyfriend is very controlling

[ardus]

Get away

Make yourself safe.

He's an abuser.

Get away.

Please don't be a statistic.

Richard



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[KawaiiKitty]

If there is one thing I hate it is when someone comes here and asks for advice and gets straight out HONEST advice, and then the advice seeker turns around and makes excuses and justifies their partners behaviour with stupid comments like 'He says he loves me.'

If you want advice, LISTEN. The people hear are 100% right, RUN.

If don't want advice and rather stay in an abusive relationship because the cost of staying is in your mind cheaper than leaving...then fuck off

Have a nice day.

You make it sound like relationship problems is like trying to decide what bread you want at subway for your sandwich. Its not always that easy. There are alot of factors to consider.

Sometimes people arent ready to give up on a relationship either if they think the person can be turned around and loves them enough to do so. I know my bf and I were in that situation and I had to relearn my way of thinking and acting because I did love him enough to want to change.
'
Thats one of the things that plague relationships in general and especially in the gay community. The first sign of trouble one of them heads for the hills instead of trying to work out their differences. Telling someone to break up with their partner just because they are having problems isnt the way to go about helping.

[VileKyle]

You make it sound like relationship problems is like trying to decide what bread you want at subway for your sandwich. Its not always that easy. There are alot of factors to consider.

Sometimes people arent ready to give up on a relationship either if they think the person can be turned around and loves them enough to do so. I know my bf and I were in that situation and I had to relearn my way of thinking and acting because I did love him enough to want to change.
'
Thats one of the things that plague relationships in general and especially in the gay community. The first sign of trouble one of them heads for the hills instead of trying to work out their differences. Telling someone to break up with their partner just because they are having problems isnt the way to go about helping.

This isn't just about problems. This is about a potentially abusive relationship. Actually, I'd say it is already abusive. Not all abuse is physical, which I know from personal experience. I almost killed myself because of the non-physical type of abuse. We're saying RUN because his boyfriend is forcing his will on Shaun. It's not a relationship; it's a selfish dictatorship. That doesn't change by talking it out.

P.S.
I'd give the same advice to someone in a heterosexual relationship with this issue.

[MisterTinkles]

Yeah, he's no good, and even with therapy he wont change.

For your own sanity and your own well being, kick him out.
He "loves" you because youre his personal slave who pays for everything.
If I were that kind of scum, I would love that too and tell you I love you to keep you doing it all.

If its YOUR house, kick him out and get a roommate.

If its not your house......leave and never look back.

If its a joint house, get a lawyers advice on how to sell the house and then take your shares.

[Jake]

It could be worse. I have had lovers land me up in hospital, stalk me for months after leaving...


And for the record, the physical abuse is what comes after the controlling type abuse. It does not get better, it gets worse.

If you feel you are abused then there is only one thing you can do - kick him out or you leave.

He clearly doesn't respect you and as time wears on he will feel justified in 'punishing' you in whatever way he feels suits.

Violence comes in many different ways buddy... physical violence is apparent but psychological violence is highly destructive as it remove your self confidence, your trust in your self. People who are controlling are often very insecure themselves.

[Tulloni]

This man sounds manipulative and insecure. He reminds me of one of my exs a little. I think you just need to get shot of him, the sooner the better as he will continue with his unacceptable behaviour unless something happens to stop it, namely you leaving him. You deserve better.

[KawaiiKitty]

yeah I dont think staying in any kind of abusive relationship is the right thing to do. That said the OP sounds like he loves his bf and wants to try to work things out. I think he needs to give his bf a final ultimatum. If he doesnt drastically change like now then he needs to leave, end of story. I just think people are too quick to say up and leave when it sounds like he wants to work things out.

[shaun1981]

Thankyou for all the advice. i know i should either get rid or try to educate him. i am trying for the latter as i cant just go out and find another person to have a relationship with. i could go and pull someone for a one night stand easily but thats not what i want. i am not anyones idea of a perfect man physicaly. im short im stocky and and i suffer with depression. so i dont really have much choice when it comes to relationships as most people round here are shallow. im physicaly strong and a good man but thats not what most people want nowadays. i wish my boyfriend would grow up and be a man instead of a boy. all i want is a man to man relationship instead of me having to act like his dad, im only 4 years older than him for gods sake whats his problem

[VileKyle]

...i cant just go out and find another person to have a relationship with.

It's better to be single than to be with the wrong person. Don't stick with someone just because you want to be in a relationship. Only stick with someone if you want to be with that specific person.

[MisterTinkles]

Just remember...........


[B]LOVE is not supposed to hurt.[/B]