Pix Wrote:Just curious, why do so many here talk about how much they aren't attracted to feminine men, queens, flamers, etc, and then sites like grindr are supposed to be filled with similar things, in other words it's obvious that the majority (at least a very large portion) of the gay male world isn't a queen, and yet people keep posting here asking why every gay man is? :confused:
It doesn't make sense!
I tend to think, on some level, that more masculine gay men who object to queens are those who feel like being around/with a queen poses some sort of threat to their secrecy/safety in an identity that's either at least partially closeted or at least not fully accepted. It's sort of related to the stereotypical homophobe v. Homo behavior in that a percentage of the former reject the latter due to concerns of being forced out of the closet unwillingly. I'm not saying that's the case 100% of the time, but often enough it's what I've observed.
Also, queens have a bad rap for drama and superficiality...so they tend to get judged, unfairly, as a whole.
That said, can we just address this "straight-acting" thing for a second? If you regularly put a dick in your ass/mouth - well that's not something straight guys do. Just sayin'.
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This type of thread always illustrates how pervasive prejudices are even in a minority culture.
No, not all gay men behave that way. It has little to do with effeminacy and more to do with culture, anyway. I live in Seattle, where you can be as open as you like, and we still have a pretty wide variety. I lean more towards the Italian idea of masculinity, while my bf was a drill sergeant and fits the bill for military manliness, but we both like going out to the club, although it's the Cuff more often than not (a leather bar), but we're both from outside of a city. Most of the 'queens' I know were exposed to drag or other outwardly gay men toward the beginning of their development.
As for where, I agree with a few other people on here. People know I'm gay because I talk about it, but I typically talk to classmates and friends about that stuff. Most guys that you can't tell ate gay from across the street have boo real reason to be walking up to you abd saying they're gay.
When I get home I'm going to post some quotes from a few research papers in a new thread about this stuff. I'm getting repulsed by threads like this, and we've been discussing these subjects in one of my courses. I find it more than a little disturbing that on one hand we want equal rights and not to be discriminated against, and on the other discriminate even within our own culture.
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Urg, people dont even give "queen" type gay guys a chance and its really annoying. You know that they are still men, and how they act does not affect their masculinity in any shape or form. They all have the same parts as you do. I used to think the same way until I opened my eyes. I dated a very feminine guy for 4 years and it was some of the best times of my life.
There are plenty of straight acting gay guys out there, just got to go looking for them. You dont notice them as much because they are not acting out of "normal straight character". so people have the perception that there are only queens around, when in actuality there are plenty of straight acting types around, hidden in the crowd.
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They just don't attract me. end of story. Nothing against them personally. I'm friends with a great many.
Mick
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There's all kinds of different people out there to meet. In all reality we just need someone who is just them. I know the advice, "be yourself" is used so much, but it truly is the best advice you can give to someone. Sometimes, you just gotta look beyond the label my friend
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TKC Wrote:I tend to think, on some level, that more masculine gay men who object to queens are those who feel like being around/with a queen poses some sort of threat to their secrecy/safety in an identity that's either at least partially closeted or at least not fully accepted. It's sort of related to the stereotypical homophobe v. Homo behavior in that a percentage of the former reject the latter due to concerns of being forced out of the closet unwillingly. I'm not saying that's the case 100% of the time, but often enough it's what I've observed.
Also, queens have a bad rap for drama and superficiality...so they tend to get judged, unfairly, as a whole.
That said, can we just address this "straight-acting" thing for a second? If you regularly put a dick in your ass/mouth - well that's not something straight guys do. Just sayin'.
very true, most of us dont want to stand out from the crowd, if your with a very-camp person its like having a sign around your neck
I hate the label, st-acting too, its very popular her, its a very flimsy title if ever there was one but sometimes its nessacary, isnt it?
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partisan Wrote:very true, most of us dont want to stand out from the crowd, if your with a very-camp person its like having a sign around your neck
Ya know, I understand the thought process, but I don't subscribe to it myself. I'm also lucky enough to be in a really open-minded town, and before that lived near a gayborhood, so I'm lucky not to have any real perceived threat to my safety as a result of being openly gay.
And I have really open-minded folks around me. My boss recently invited me to lunch at her condo downtown because there are apparently plenty of rich attractive homos that live there. It might be worth a go, for eye-candy at least.
Quote:I hate the label, st-acting too, its very popular her, its a very flimsy title if ever there was one but sometimes its nessacary, isnt it?
I can see both sides of the coin. On the one hand, it's a piece of shared language that we all understand making things easier to identify certain characteristics...but that doesn't mean it's a good thing. Like people who use "clean" to mean they're HIV -, we all understand what "clean" means, but that presupposes that someone who is positive is "dirty". It's a piece of our vocabulary that's marginalizing and hurtful - and haven't we had enough of that?
Also, isn't there something to be said about flamboyantly gay men and the courage, bravery, and self-awareness they have to have in a homophobic world because of noticeable traits they can't control? Aren't courage and bravery typically subconsciously attributed to more masculine men? In which case, using common gay vernacular, wouldn't we call someone who is more masculine "straight-acting"? Thus, wouldn't queens be the "straightest-acting" of us all?
To go a step-further, what about the drag-queens and other effeminate queers who stood up for every marginalized queer/gay/trans/bi/lesbian/questioning/asexual/pansexual/intersexed/etc who had and hadn't been born, yet, during the Stonewall Riots? Then you add justice, chaos, and even some violence to the courage and bravery. Isn't that "masculine" and thus "straight-acting"? And yet, when the Pride Parade comes around and the rest of us either avoid it completely or go and judge the flamboyant gays we're spitting in the face of the reason for the Pride Parade and those who got the ball rolling for most of the rights we have.
That said, I understand that we, as humans, tend to try and boil things down to the lowest common denominator - I'm guilty of the same - and I'm not going to judge someone for using "straight-acting", but if we really look at the term it's really unsuitable for the meaning we've assigned to it.
And don't get me started on the "acting" part of it ;0).
</rant>
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ignoring the occasional straight camp person but old school generations of lgbt population growing up in closet cant have done them any good.
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TKC Wrote:I tend to think, on some level, that more masculine gay men who object to queens are those who feel like being around/with a queen poses some sort of threat to their secrecy/safety in an identity that's either at least partially closeted or at least not fully accepted. It's sort of related to the stereotypical homophobe v. Homo behavior in that a percentage of the former reject the latter due to concerns of being forced out of the closet unwillingly. I'm not saying that's the case 100% of the time, but often enough it's what I've observed.
Also, queens have a bad rap for drama and superficiality...so they tend to get judged, unfairly, as a whole.
That said, can we just address this "straight-acting" thing for a second? If you regularly put a dick in your ass/mouth - well that's not something straight guys do. Just sayin'.
Yeah, it's mainly cos of the drama, rather than other factors
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IMO, "queen" is an anti-gay slur. Being male and gay doesn't make you comparable to a female.
If anything, I'm a king.
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