The thing is I don't have any gay friends at all and no one knows that I like guys. im afraid if I go to gay clubs or places that someone will see me and I would freak out. Im very positive that my friends and family will not want to hear about me into guys as they are religious and will not like someone gay in their family. I personally don't want to label myself as gay yet because I am interested in girls too but don't know how to decide which one I prefer. At the same time I feel like if I meet someone they might not be interested as I am not out and that I wont be in the near future. I do fantasize about doing some typical things couples do with a man like watching a film, cuddling and etc.
At the same time I am attracted to guys way older than me and especially them, I don't think would be interested in me as they might be at a time in their lives where they want to settle down and be with someone on the same page as them.
It would be great if you guys would give me advice even if its nasty on what I should and if what I want to do is realistic or not and how I could meet others.
Thanks
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"im afraid if I go to gay clubs or places that someone will see me and I would freak out."
Why do you think they would be there in the first place? Ahhh, you hadn't thought of that had you!
The religious/family thing will take a little while to sort its self, but it will. You don't say what religion exactly but these things usually sort them selves out.
CORRECTION: You DIDN'T have any gay friends until you joined this site, now you have many.
Gay, straight, bisexual, call yourself what you want, it's just a label.
There's no need to come out until you're ready. It's something that must be done on your own terms and at your own pace.
There are many older guys who are into younger guys and younger guys who are into older guys - you'll find someone when the time is right.
You're 19, what's the rush? Many of the questions you have don't fall naturally in to place until a bit later - give it five years from now and see how different things are!
Stick around this place for a while, ask whatever you want. Jump in on a few of the threads and you never know, by helping someone else you might work out where some of the little pieces in your own life fit.
Guess we'll be seeing more of you!
Good luck!
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fb44 Wrote:I am interested in girls too but don't know how to decide which one I prefer.
There's no need to decide. IF you end up preferring one to the other, it'll make itself clear in time. If it doesn't, you're most likely bisexual which is a-ok!
Quote:At the same time I am attracted to guys way older than me and especially them, I don't think would be interested in me as they might be at a time in their lives where they want to settle down and be with someone on the same page as them.
Oh honey, once you go to a gay bar for the first time you'll see that this is not the way things work. Here, in the states at least, there's a little breakdown:
Half the younger guys are specifically interested in each other, half the older guys are specifically interested in each other, half of what's left are open to whomever hops into bed with them, the last are specifically interested in their opposite (older likes younger and vice versa).
As for the rest of it - family will most likely accept you, but it can take time. Friends - well - if they don't then they're not really friends, are they?
It's a rough spot in your life that most of us have been through, the rest are still there with you. BUT, once that's behind you it really opens up your world into a place of wonder. Stay strong, follow your heart, and take life by the horns.
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I think if someone sees you out at a gay bar, it is because they are gay
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You are still young and figuring your life out. Dont rush it, you will discover who and what you are and who and what you like soon enough. Dont be stressing out over it.
As far as your friends and family are concerned, they love you for being you and nothing more.
Hating you for liking men, would be the same as hating you because you walk on two feet or have brown hair.
Be happy being young right now, there's time enough for adult stress later on.
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Thanks for the help guys. It seems that its a common worry. I will take on your advice and relax about it
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MovinOn Wrote:I think if someone sees you out at a gay bar, it is because they are gay
I'd love for you to come to my local gay bar then, you find more straight people there then gay people on a night out.
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why's that to have fun? is it often that a gay guy hits on a straight guy?
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Eventually you will reach the point where your need to be who and what you are is going to be more important to you than being what you think everyone else wants you to be.
Yes people are going to reject you, hate you, slam you, call you names - expect that to happen a lot for the next, oh 76 more years you have on this planet. If its not the gay thing then it will be your hair, your skin color, your height to weight ratio - something - anything - humans love to hate one another.
Yes you will lose people who are close to you who think you are straight. Their loss, not yours. If they can't accept you and love you unconditionally as who and what you are, then they are not needed in your life.
You will have very few friends in life. No face book friends are not your friends - they are acquaintances at best. Most of the people in your real life you see day to day are only there for as long as you can do something for them, I assure you, when your hour of need arises one or two will be there for you, the rest will act like they never knew you.
This is typical of the human condition. you will either figure it out coming out, or you will figure it out when some crap hits your local fan and your life gets covered in it.
If your family disowns you - fine - there are other people who will 'adopt' you and love you more than the family member(s) did.
If there is one thing that coming out does for a person, it is cleaning out the closet of unwanted, unnecessary individuals who you shouldn't have been around in the first place. That is really a good thing.
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Eventually you will reach the point where your need to be who and what you are is going to be more important to you than being what you think everyone else wants you to be.
Yes people are going to reject you, hate you, slam you, call you names - expect that to happen a lot for the next, oh 76 more years you have on this planet. If its not the gay thing then it will be your hair, your skin color, your height to weight ratio - something - anything - humans love to hate one another.
Yes you will lose people who are close to you who think you are straight. Their loss, not yours. If they can't accept you and love you unconditionally as who and what you are, then they are not needed in your life.
You will have very few friends in life. No face book friends are not your friends - they are acquaintances at best. Most of the people in your real life you see day to day are only there for as long as you can do something for them, I assure you, when your hour of need arises one or two will be there for you, the rest will act like they never knew you.
This is typical of the human condition. you will either figure it out coming out, or you will figure it out when some crap hits your local fan and your life gets covered in it.
If your family disowns you - fine - there are other people who will 'adopt' you and love you more than the family member(s) did.
If there is one thing that coming out does for a person, it is cleaning out the closet of unwanted, unnecessary individuals who you shouldn't have been around in the first place. That is really a good thing.
If I could thank you for this post twice, I would...
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