hurt everyone around me

[Anonymous]

i perfectly accepted being gay, but i always very sad for all the disappointments i caused to my family, specially my father.
my dad was that perfect dad; he did his best to make sure that me and my brothers got the best education and life, since he was spoiled when he was little. when i came out to him, he got mad and we didn't talk for almost two years. i told him that it is up to him; i am who i am and won't change anything, and i did that harsh way, kinda. so i decided i am better off my family. to be honest i was wrong; i missed them so badly, and when i contacted him, i knew how i almost killed my father, because he was so worried.
remembering the old days, i feel so sorry for what i became; my father calls me all the time to check ,and i don't answer. he thinks something bad happened to me, but still i don't answer his calls.
i can't answer because i feel sad for everything i caused. he is very religious and deeply against being gay, but we never talked about it since i came out. i feel how sad he is whenever i talk to him; hearing his, or my brothers' voice, makes me so sad.
i feel i hurt my family, especially my father.

[Arkansota]

You didn't hurt your family. They hurt themselves.

That being said, it's never good to cut off contact.

[Dreamer]

Respect their opinions (it doesn't mean you have to agree with them), and know that they love you no matter what! If it wasn't so, your dad wouldn't be worried sick of your whereabouts.

Stay true to who you are, and in time your family will see past the discrepancies, since their strong love seems to still be there for you.

Don't avoid and fret for too long because no one lives forever, and you may regret more than any possible "hurt" you think you've caused them now.

[mbennet35]

When I told my mom she cried and got upset even though she does not agree with me we respect each other as much as we can. I was afraid at first to talk to her but once I did things got a little better.

[TKC]

i perfectly accepted being gay, but i always very sad for all the disappointments i caused to my family, specially my father.
my dad was that perfect dad; he did his best to make sure that me and my brothers got the best education and life, since he was spoiled when he was little. when i came out to him, he got mad and we didn't talk for almost two years. i told him that it is up to him; i am who i am and won't change anything, and i did that harsh way, kinda. so i decided i am better off my family. to be honest i was wrong; i missed them so badly, and when i contacted him, i knew how i almost killed my father, because he was so worried.
remembering the old days, i feel so sorry for what i became; my father calls me all the time to check ,and i don't answer. he thinks something bad happened to me, but still i don't answer his calls.
i can't answer because i feel sad for everything i caused. he is very religious and deeply against being gay, but we never talked about it since i came out. i feel how sad he is whenever i talk to him; hearing his, or my brothers' voice, makes me so sad.
i feel i hurt my family, especially my father.

What if you get to write the story, no matter what, and you can see this as a good thing or a bad thing? See, here's the thing...what if cutting him off for two years was the best thing you ever could have done? How would you feel then? A little hurt, yeah, but also thankful that you were able to and have the experience that you both needed to move on - right?

I went a year without talking to my Mom once. It hurt her, deeply. It hurt me, as well, but not as deeply. I was angry with her, and I couldn't ever see where we'd have a relationship again. I felt like an orphan.

And then something happened a year later. I called. She answered, and I could hear her hurt through her voice, but also a faint hope that we'd have a relationship again. And, the first six months were so incredibly painful...she'd avoid any topic of depth and avoid the conversation when I pushed it. But, slowly, she started opening up. This was years ago. At this point, now, I'd consider her not just my mom, but one of my closest friends. The things she speaks about, with me, I never would have imagined her capable of before.

And, you know what started it all? I had to cut her off for a year. Maybe it could have happened in a different way, maybe not...but I'm really thankful it did happen. And, maybe you can have a similar story with your father.

I wish you the best, however you choose to deal with this, I know it'll be hard...but not dealing with it will be harder.

[ardus]

i perfectly accepted being gay, but i always very sad for all the disappointments i caused to my family, specially my father.
my dad was that perfect dad; he did his best to make sure that me and my brothers got the best education and life, since he was spoiled when he was little. when i came out to him, he got mad and we didn't talk for almost two years. i told him that it is up to him; i am who i am and won't change anything, and i did that harsh way, kinda. so i decided i am better off my family. to be honest i was wrong; i missed them so badly, and when i contacted him, i knew how i almost killed my father, because he was so worried.
remembering the old days, i feel so sorry for what i became; my father calls me all the time to check ,and i don't answer. he thinks something bad happened to me, but still i don't answer his calls.
i can't answer because i feel sad for everything i caused. he is very religious and deeply against being gay, but we never talked about it since i came out. i feel how sad he is whenever i talk to him; hearing his, or my brothers' voice, makes me so sad.
i feel i hurt my family, especially my father.

I really want to respond, but I need tome to processs

Please don't go away

Richard


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2

[trialbyerror]

May I also weigh in on this?

I too need to process further but for now my input would be: -

It's never a good thing to burn bridges behind you.

Don't evade issues, they just get worse. You are what you are without shame. Be strong and be proud in that, and by demonstrating your self pride, respect will come in time,

If you evade, it may be seen as self vilification / shame.

Regards
Trial by error

[HomeagainNYC]

It's obvious that your father loves and cares for you and you for him.

Talk to him - I can guarantee you a 0% chance of success, if you continue to live in the past, of rectifying/healing this situation; you have to live in the present for any degree of a successful outcome, for either of you.

You're both in pain but only one of you is taking any action to change the situation -your dad. You say he's sad, that's fair, but, so are you; that is what needs to be discussed. Your mutual sadness and how to rectify it.

It may not be any easy road to travel, healing these wounds, for either of you, but, you'll never know unless you start down that road.

Be strong like your dad; he's pushing past his sadness, by reach out - over and over - it would appear, he is patiently waiting for you - to join him on that road.

[Vigilias]

my father calls me all the time to check ,and i don't answer. he thinks something bad happened to me, but still i don't answer his calls.
i can't answer because i feel sad for everything

Time to put the sadness behind you and pick up the phone and call him - he's reaching out to you, that much is obvious. For the love of whatever deity you believe in, don't leave it until it's too late!

I didn't especially get on with my dad and decided I never would, too much water under the bridge. Then one day he came home and told us he hade cancer and that he was terminally ill.

We had three months to make all that water under the bridge back-flow. Suprising how many things seem not to matter any more when you know you don't have that much time.

You have the luxury of time. CALL HIM!

[Vigilias]

I can even chuckle now at my favourite reference for him...

That bloody-buggery, two-faced, selfish, chicken-bastard pig-dog man!