01-29-2011, 04:15 PM
I have been having a lot of problems lately. Me and my best friend of 3 years have been having an on/off relationship. It started with something sexual, and we promised we wouldn't fall in love. First he fell in love with me, then I fell in love with him. We've gone through a lot together, and we've became so close. Or so I thought. He tells me that he no longer loves me like that, but my feelings which are hard to express, are still there for him.
Struggling with my sexual identity, I really don't know what to do. I do not consider myself gay because I like girls, but I fell in love with him. The only guy I think I will ever fall in love with. I feel really hopeless. I know he went through an identity crisis, and ended up proclaiming as bi. But it's not as easy for me to say it outloud, or even write it. I'm really scared about the future for myself. I don't think anybody can understand me.
To top things off, 4 months ago, my best friend started treating me different and acting differently. He started to hide things from me, which was a first for us. He made new friends and kept secrets with them instead of me. Sometimes, I knew he was talking to someone else, but I thought it was OK, but I recently found out that he has been hiding dates with other guys, and even talking to his friends about mine and his problems. I became so deperessed, last night I couldn't stop crying. He wanted to hang out with his friends badly, and I needed to talk to someone. I had some bad thoughts. I tried contacting other friends, teling them its really important I talk to someone, but they were all busy. After 4 hours, my best friend, came home to talk to me. At that time I was extremely depressed, I couldn't stand anything.
After talking to him, he basically revealed some more secrets. He let me know that he's been hiding some things from me for a very long time. He had even kissed a guy, and went on dates. Made some close gay friends. I felt like he really was trying to replace me, with something better. It really hurt me badly that he'd been hiding all of these things from me. I trusted him so much. More than anyone in this world. I don't think I can trust him at all anymore to be honest. I asked him where he met some of his friends. He told me he didn't know, they just added him randomly on facebook. He promised me that he had no idea who they were. After about 5 minutes of pressuring him to tell me, he finally told me he found them from a gay website.
I was completely heartbroken that he had considered promises so lightly, and that he would lie to me even after I confronted his lies in the first place. I was extremely sad, and crying the whole time. I don't know what to do. I normally do not cry, but it was just too much this time. He says that I create too much drama because I have been crying everytime I find out about his lies. I don't know if he's been lying to me the whole time about loving me in the first place. I don't know if he likes other guys instead of me. For sure, I just don't have any clue if anything he tells me is true anymore. Trust is so important for me in any friendship or relationship. It really hurts.
The worst part is, I want to move on. My feelings for him would still be the same. I think I'll always love him. But, It's just too much pain for me to bear. I can't take it anymore. He still says he sees me as a best friend and wants to be my best friend badly. I'm open to the idea, but it will take a lot of work and I don't think he wants to put work into it. He told me that me being friends with him makes him sad more than happy. I don't know why he still wants to be friends. Everytime I talk to him, I just feel like someone is stabbing me in the chest a million times. I know I have recently developed a depression problem, but I think I need some advice. I am completely out of options.
Struggling with my sexual identity, I really don't know what to do. I do not consider myself gay because I like girls, but I fell in love with him. The only guy I think I will ever fall in love with. I feel really hopeless. I know he went through an identity crisis, and ended up proclaiming as bi. But it's not as easy for me to say it outloud, or even write it. I'm really scared about the future for myself. I don't think anybody can understand me.
To top things off, 4 months ago, my best friend started treating me different and acting differently. He started to hide things from me, which was a first for us. He made new friends and kept secrets with them instead of me. Sometimes, I knew he was talking to someone else, but I thought it was OK, but I recently found out that he has been hiding dates with other guys, and even talking to his friends about mine and his problems. I became so deperessed, last night I couldn't stop crying. He wanted to hang out with his friends badly, and I needed to talk to someone. I had some bad thoughts. I tried contacting other friends, teling them its really important I talk to someone, but they were all busy. After 4 hours, my best friend, came home to talk to me. At that time I was extremely depressed, I couldn't stand anything.
After talking to him, he basically revealed some more secrets. He let me know that he's been hiding some things from me for a very long time. He had even kissed a guy, and went on dates. Made some close gay friends. I felt like he really was trying to replace me, with something better. It really hurt me badly that he'd been hiding all of these things from me. I trusted him so much. More than anyone in this world. I don't think I can trust him at all anymore to be honest. I asked him where he met some of his friends. He told me he didn't know, they just added him randomly on facebook. He promised me that he had no idea who they were. After about 5 minutes of pressuring him to tell me, he finally told me he found them from a gay website.
I was completely heartbroken that he had considered promises so lightly, and that he would lie to me even after I confronted his lies in the first place. I was extremely sad, and crying the whole time. I don't know what to do. I normally do not cry, but it was just too much this time. He says that I create too much drama because I have been crying everytime I find out about his lies. I don't know if he's been lying to me the whole time about loving me in the first place. I don't know if he likes other guys instead of me. For sure, I just don't have any clue if anything he tells me is true anymore. Trust is so important for me in any friendship or relationship. It really hurts.
The worst part is, I want to move on. My feelings for him would still be the same. I think I'll always love him. But, It's just too much pain for me to bear. I can't take it anymore. He still says he sees me as a best friend and wants to be my best friend badly. I'm open to the idea, but it will take a lot of work and I don't think he wants to put work into it. He told me that me being friends with him makes him sad more than happy. I don't know why he still wants to be friends. Everytime I talk to him, I just feel like someone is stabbing me in the chest a million times. I know I have recently developed a depression problem, but I think I need some advice. I am completely out of options.