So, I'm going to move no matter what. Just wanted to put that out there.
That aside:
I'm moving with my boyfriend to Knoxville, TN from Seattle, Wa. I've never lived anywhere else before (well, outside of the area, I grew up nearby in a mountain town) and don't know anyone else there. He's moving because of work, so when faced with a life with him or none, I want him.
However, he's really not a "let's talk about or feelings" guy and I'm a pretty sensitive dude with some emotional regulation issues.
Anyone have any advice on how to feel a little less anxious? He'd do anything for me, he just isn't the sensitive type.
Theres a difference between being a caring person and not being "the sensitive type".
People who are not sensitive dont care about much of anything. Just because he doesnt want to show emotion at most things, doesnt mean he isnt sensitive. If he cares for you and would do anything for you, I consider that VERY sensitive.
A man doesnt need to be a crying, sniveling, whiney "woman" in order to be sensitive.
I perfer a man such as your BF.
Just because Im not a "touchy feely" person, doesnt mean I dont like to touch sometimes.
I love hugs.
As for moving. Well, dont know what to really tell you, other than once you are unpacked and settled, I would take a weekend and just drive around town, getting to know landmarks and major street names.
Just make a day of it. If there is a "gay" area of town, go check that out too.
Get a 'feel' for your new home.
What I do, is when I move someplace new, I intentionally drive as far out as I can...usually to the other side of town to the city limits, and then make my way back, going different routes. Thats the best way for me to get to know my new surroundings.
He's a touchy type. He is caring, but not very sensitive. I have to state how I'm feeling and what I need, and as long as it's not a boundary issue or betrayal, he doesn't react strongly externally or internally. I used the right term. There's quite a difference between being sensitive and caring or emotional.
Sensitive:
Adjective
Quick to detect or respond to slight changes, signals, or influences: "spiders are sensitive to vibrations on their web".
Noun
A person who is believed to respond to occult influences.
Addendum:
One doesn't have to be a "sniveling", "whiney", or "crying" person to be sensitive. Attributing those attributes to it, as well as being derogatory in your use of the word woman, is a pretty ugly thing to do.
Anxiety with a big move is typical. There is no making it better. Put on your stoic face or a smile and pretend like everyone else who looks strong that you are strong.
Once you are moved and settled things will sort themselves.
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Anxiety with a big move is typical. There is no making it better. Put on your stoic face or a smile and pretend like everyone else who looks strong that you are strong.
Once you are moved and settled things will sort themselves.
That's probably the most useful advice I've gotten from anyone in a month. I'm actually still getting used to how I feel with a mood stabilizer. It's nice to know it's normal and there isn't anything to do about it, even if that seems odd to anyone, lol.
Actually the issue is not about how he's communicating his feeling to you as you have describe it; the issues is how can you feel more in control of your anxieties.
It not hard - go - if that's what you want - Just keep this in mind - you decided for yourself - if things go well then pat yourself on the back, if they don't do not blame him. Life in general is a risk so----------
American, Delta, Frontier, and US Airway have flights back back to Seattle from Nashville if the need should arise.
Works for me.
Prayer. I believe in God.
Long walks. It tires me out and I fall asleep easily.
Create a place in your brain where you always feel safe.
When all else fails, I take XANAX. Not addictive but very calming
MissingNYC Wrote:Actually the issue is not about how he's communicating his feeling to you as you have describe it; the issues is how can you feel more in control of your anxieties.
I've not believed for a moment the issue is with him, we're just different people and I'm leaving my community. I didn't intend to imply that it had anything to do with him.
I'm anxious about not knowing anyone, and not being able to figure it out fast enough. I'm a pretty experienced person, but in a very small world.
I only mentioned how he functions around this to try to help illustrate why I'm asking here and not just him, not to place blame.
Hi
Right up there in the top 5 most stressful things which include
Death of partner, / close family member
changing jobs
Moving home
HAVE A PLAN! A written plan! not a mental plan
Break the moving process down into stages
Identify key significant progress events
Write the stages down
Mark them off as you work through the steps
Give yourself rewards (like a dinner out) after each significant event
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