Split up after 8 years

[clontarf]

My partner and I decided yesterday to split up after living together for 8 years.
We had drifted apart, both wanted different things & I had been unhappy for a few years but carried on going through the motions.
I am now feeling a combination of guilt, relief, anxiety, fright, nervousness, hoplessness & optimism.
The horrible things start now.................selling the house, sharing out posessions, what happens to the dog etc etc.
We have agreed to be civilised, but in reality can that happen ???? ask me again in a few months time.
My gut feeling is that this is the right decision, but it doesn't stop this utterly shitty feeling I have.
Thanks for letting me put this into "garbled" words.

[marshlander]

My partner and I decided yesterday to split up after living together for 8 years.
We had drifted apart, both wanted different things & I had been unhappy for a few years but carried on going through the motions.
I am now feeling a combination of guilt, relief, anxiety, fright, nervousness, hoplessness & optimism.
The horrible things start now.................selling the house, sharing out posessions, what happens to the dog etc etc.
We have agreed to be civilised, but in reality can that happen ???? ask me again in a few months time.
My gut feeling is that this is the right decision, but it doesn't stop this utterly shitty feeling I have.
Thanks for letting me put this into "garbled" words.

So sorry to hear your news, clontarf. My heart goes out to you both. Very best wishes for better times to come.

[princealbertofb]

My partner and I decided yesterday to split up after living together for 8 years.
We had drifted apart, both wanted different things & I had been unhappy for a few years but carried on going through the motions.
I am now feeling a combination of guilt, relief, anxiety, fright, nervousness, hoplessness & optimism.
The horrible things start now.................selling the house, sharing out posessions, what happens to the dog etc etc.
We have agreed to be civilised, but in reality can that happen ???? ask me again in a few months time.
My gut feeling is that this is the right decision, but it doesn't stop this utterly shitty feeling I have.
Thanks for letting me put this into "garbled" words.

Well, Neil, as you said yourself, you saw this coming to a head, didn't you? It was ultimately bound to happen. I guess it is best if you remain civilised about it and you should be glad you did not drag it into a nasty mess. Of course you'll need to sort yourselves out. I'd say the most difficult thing will be the dog, but, as would be the case for a child, you need to think of what will be its best interest. Who will have the most time to walk it, feed it, take it to the vet etc.

I'm sorry to hear that you have a shitty feeling. Could it be a sense of loss? Something to mourn about? You know what you are losing and you don't know what you'll be getting in return for the loss, except, I think you know that you've been needing that liberty which, because of your ties with your partner, you did not feel you had to the extent that you wanted it (if I make sense here). So, if you can stay good friends with him, to start with, call him or see him from time to time to see how he's getting along, maybe he'll do the same for you (I don't know). You've agreed to be civilised, that's what civilised people do. They talk to each other. They discuss things and they try to see the other's point of view even if they don't agree with it.

May I ask what sparked the decision? Was it something to do with your trip abroad, or not?

If I were you, I'd try not to dwell on the guilt, the anxiety, the fright and the hopelessness but concentrate on the optimism, the relief and the knowledge that something that needed to happen has at last happened for you to be able to make those changes that were necessary in your life. You say you'd been unhappy (or at least unsatisfied) until now, so concentrate on how you can make yourself happier and more satisfied. The only thing to be careful of, maybe, is falling into a relationship on the rebound, which never works out as well as one expects. Maybe you need to stay celibate for a while and consider your new options? What things will this new freedom let you do unabashedly, unashamedly? What things will you have to forego now, on account of your new standing?

In any case, Neil, feel free to share whatever feelings you have with us and bring your problems, if any, should you need for advice or just another head to think things through. I'm sure we'll make an effort to help you see through the crap.

All the best to both of you. If you both deserved better, well, now's the time to go seeking for it.

PA

[malcs]

dont know what I can say other than lotsa big hugs

[wouldlikemuscle]

I'll join in with the

Sorry to hear it clontarf... I think depending on both you and his personalities, you could work out things in a civilised manner and I hope that you do.

[spotysocks]

Agh....sorry to hear about your split up.. Even when we are in a relationship that is not fulfilling anymore it can hard to end it, waiting for things to change. However when a glass is broken can glue it back but cant do anything about the crack; can break again into smaller pieces. So we realize the best thing to do is to go on separate ways, start something new and remember the good times you had together and what you learned from each other.
It's good you can articulate what you feel so well, i hope you deal well with whatever you splitting up involves- house, possessions money ect. Best of luck with all and keep us posted anything you want talk about we are glad to hear.