THE solution to bullying

[Arkansota]

I think I figured it out.

Kids bully others because they want to fit in (I know this from experience). They do this by overtly rejecting the kids who are different. In order to make the rejection visible to the other kids, they bully.

So the way to stop bullying is not to tell kids that bullying is wrong... It's to teach kids that it's okay to be different.

I used to be a bully. I wish someone had taught me this so I didn't make the mistake of mistreating others. But don't yell at me for it- All I can do now is advocate against bullying. I cannot change the past.

[MisterTinkles]

That may have been true for you, but its not the same for all bullies.

Most of them are evil pieces of crap who only want to inflict pain and suffering on others.

[Arkansota]

That may have been true for you, but its not the same for all bullies.

Most of them are evil pieces of crap who only want to inflict pain and suffering on others.

Not true at all. Clearly, you don't know a lot of people who used to bully. Most of them turn out to be respectful and considerate adults.

And also, it's not acceptable to call people evil. That could be construed as bullying

[Pix]

There might be something to that. I recall when Tempest Smith was bullied into suicide, and thing was most of the kids who bullied her showed intense remorse, came to her funeral, and volunteered to help the foundation to stop bullying. And though the KIDS showed remorse the adults did not, they knew about and condoned the abuse (no doubt hoping the girl would be bullied into converting to Christianity rather than suicide) and not only evaded blame for doing nothing even as it happened in front of them but tried to get the kids to NOT feel guilt (Jesus must be so proud of his followers there...).

I do understand that a lot of conflicts, among kids and adults both, has to do with insecurity, that is if someone is different then they feel bad so they have to punish the ones who make different choices (which the bully considers hurtful to their own self-esteem). Among girls this gets as ridiculous as Disney vs. Nick, or even Miley vs. Selena, and also once Harry Potter vs. Twilight (not that all did, of course). Among women it's often things like single vs. married, maternity vs. child-free, and other silly things while men have equally insane things to rip on each other about from comic book labels (such as DC vs. Marvel), Star Wars vs. Star Trek (or TOS vs. TNG), to Sig vs. Glock. And the adults can be as ridiculous as the kids over such trivial matters which can become bullying if one side outnumbers another side, and seems to be based at least somewhat in that a person feels insecure and filled with self-doubt in that someone else has made a different choice.

But at the same time there's also competition, and that fuels a lot of hostility and bullying as well, and that's not about insecurity in one's personal choices but something that tweaks the tribal/survival parts of the brain (so often linked with religion and politics). This can include anti-gay bullying in some as they literally fear God will destroy them and all their loved ones if gays are tolerated.

And then there's the outright sadist who get a sense of power in hurting others (especially if they can get away with it). This has nothing to do with either insecurity or competition (though that may be an additional factor) as it does in feeling power by crushing another human being. As one song goes, "Your tears are all the comforting I need." I see no cure for these people other than death (or at least a Near Death Experience)...

Finally, and perhaps the most pathetic (as in "that's so sad" rather than most despicable), is sheer peer pressure and trying to avoid sinking to the bottom by making sure someone else is already there. My best friend in school did that once, she didn't believe the girls she tormented as lesbian were lesbian (and she and I fooled around ourselves, though she insisted that was "just practice"), but any girls who stood up for them were similarly accused of being lesbians so she made absolutely sure she was not associated with them by tormenting them publicly (didn't care to unless other bullies were there to see her do it). Definitely a character flaw on her part, but it was also self-preservation in her eyes, and given that she did not care nor bothered to torment them when there wasn't an appreciative audience, it's obvious to me that she didn't care if they were different (which she didn't really believe anyway).

[Dreamer]

The solution for bullying?




From victim to perpetrator:


a knockout punch to the face

or

a bullet through the face


Problem solved.

Bully down!

[SolemnBoy]

I disagree that most bullies are just fundamentally cruel and torment their classmates for amusement. In most cases I'm sure bullies come from broken families or at least deal with problems of insecurity.

[Lilitu]

I dunno, bullying isn't a problem you can solve with such a simplistic solution as you gave.

People are mean to each other for many and diverse reasons. Sadism, insecurity, group mentality; some don't even intend to be mean people it just comes out that way. Then there are those who pretend to be victims and bring it on themselves, and so many more possibilities.

Just because we tell people to accept people who are different doesn't mean bullying or hurt feelings will stop. But it is a start, I agree that it is something positive. It just isn't good enough to be THE solution.

[MisterLove]

That may have been true for you, but its not the same for all bullies.

Most of them are evil pieces of crap who only want to inflict pain and suffering on others.

Honey, you took the words right out of my mouth. I couldn't agree more.

Some people, young or adult, are just rotten and take great pleasure in the harm they cause to others. Disfunctional families and sociology don't always explain everything.

[MisterLove]

Psychologists cringe everytime the word 'punishment' is mentioned but you have to do it. A fair punishment is a great thing for both victim and aggressor (who will then be given a second chance, i.e. the possibility to clear himself of his wrongdoing) and it will dissuade others from doing the same.

[MisterLove]

Not true at all. Clearly, you don't know a lot of people who used to bully. Most of them turn out to be respectful and considerate adults.

[...]

Yes, it's called hypocrisy.

Same thing happened to all the nazi murderers who fled to Argentina and became respectful.