I used to have a lot more prejudice than I do now, and back then I thought I was a model of open-mindedness. Some of the guys saying "If I wanted that I'd just date a woman" may come around eventually, so don't dismiss people. Although I enjoy reading the various kinds of printed bitchslaps...
I think I come across to most of the world as a very straight acting masculine guy. I also think that's mainly because they're only looking at my clothes, hair, and the way I talk. As far as my actual role in life I have the most in common with the single mom's in this town, except that I'm not fat and desperate  I work long hours and still manage to bake fresh bread for my kid and put folded laundry in her dresser. And the guy I'm starting to date again (rekindling a fling from earlier this year), he likes and respects and above all acknowledges that part of me, the nurturing mother hen side, while still treating me like a man. And he's definitely got his softer side too.
I have a whole brood of kids, but only one who lives with me. My teenage son, who I don't see nearly often enough, is still figuring out who he is. He's definitely not straight (shocking, huh?) and is leaning a lot more in the effeminate direction these days with how he dresses and acts. At first, I tried telling him to tone it down a bit while he's in school at least. Then I stopped myself because I felt like a dick. He just needs people to accept him no matter what, especially the ones who are close to him. I'm glad I've personally been able to grow up a bit more because a few years back I probably would have said all the wrong things.
What I've realized about who I'm attracted to is that the most attractive thing to me is self confidence. I respect the hell out of a guy who is obviously gay and walks through life with his head held high, and takes all the crap the world can dish out without crumbling. I'd date a guy like that in a heartbeat if the opportunity came up.
Myself, I've never had to go through any of that because the world just assumed I'm totally straight, and because I'm also big and strong enough to defend myself physically. I feel like I've had it easy in comparison. But it made it too easy when I was younger to just lie to the whole world, and especially to myself, about my orientation. I'm glad my son isn't making that mistake.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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Quote:Not a Gurl, not a Wife, not a lesser individual, but significant other.
Guys who use that "If I wanted a gurl, I would get one" argument, can talk to this man, or me, whoever, cause not only is that disrespectful, towards fem guys, but women as well and obviously that statement is dumb.
I am just so thrilled omg like you don't know!
[COLOR="DarkRed"]I am glad to see people agree with me on it, actually. I was a bit leery about posting, originally, because I know how hot button this is in some circles. Here it seems more laid back and open minded. I like your high energy forum personality too. Very manic and fun. Doubly glad to see someone else get squicked a bit by guys referring to their fem male partners as girls and what not.
Don't get me wrong; if used as a pet name in an affectionate way and as something your partner likes it can be cute. The guy I previously mentioned liked being referred to as female adjectives during more passionate parts of our phone conversations, for example. Still, it can be used incorrectly - I am leery of any dominant or top type person who carries that attitude beyond the doors of the bedroom and treats their partner as a possession or a pet.[/COLOR]
Quote:gay or st8 plan to have more inner girl than you think necessary or you will NOT get a date.
Couldn't agree more. Even if you do get a date, you certainly won't make much out of it, relationship-wise, unless you are versatile enough to break out of your mold. People are naturally feminine and masculine (or carry various traits ascribed to these things) in varying degrees. Having a manly guy around might be nice for protection but probably not as much when you are sick and need someone who is more nurturing. I maybe protective and big but I still like doting on my partner, caring for them when sick or having a bad day, and all of that. I feel healthy relationships benefit from that role versatility.
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I think the biggest problem is the genderfication of the species.
There are pretty strict rules on what 'man' is and what 'woman' is. For instance boys are not allowed to play with easy bake ovens - yet a lot of the world's top chefs are male.
Men are not allowed to be in touch with their emotions - Big boys don't cry, Boys are to show no fear.... etc.
Just because we are LGBT doesn't mean we get a pass on being 'programed' by our parents, peers and society to have pretty narrow views about what is and is not 'truth' in our society.
The LGBT world insists on certain roles being applied to certain behaviors.
Sylph and I could walk into a bar together, I would be all stoic like and 'acting straight' (Which its not an act - nor am I straight) and the automatic assumption will be that I am 'the top'. Sylph would let loose with a 'gurl' and everyone would automatically assume he is the 'bottom'.
Masculine behaviors means you are the 'man' (top/dom) of the relationship, effeminate behaviors means you are the 'woman' (bottom/sub) in the relationship.
If you are a straight acting bottom you are pretty much screwed when it comes to finding a top man - they all assume you are a top or that dreaded 'versatile' and move along. If you are a campy top good luck finding a bottom, they take one look at you and move on to the hairy bearish fella because again the assumption is there.
There are other assumptions made as well.
Such as the assumption that just because I'm 'straight acting' means I am not going to be able to nurture you or tend to you when you are ill. Or that somehow being a man means I won't tend the hearth and home as efficiently as a woman or a nelly queen - again it is the gentrification programing we receive with these strong ideals about the roles of masculine and feminine.
In our case Jason (and most likely in the case of many others in the world) we had to live a while and break down the false barriers that society, peers, parents and everyone else have created with all of these false notions of what 'man' and 'woman' means.
The younger generation has it slightly easier. I see a lot more blurring between gender roles in this generation than in mine. When I was a kid the whole notion of a strong working woman was still distasteful. We had Murphy Brown as a working, career woman who was breaking down social barriers.
Today women's roles in popular media are not really much different than men's - we see women as Police, doctors, well just about everything and no one bats and eye or thinks it is odd.
I suspect in the decades ahead the hard lines between gender roles will blur even more and the concept of 'stay at home dad' will not be hard to swallow and more people will accept that a man can be a nurturer instead of just a body guard.
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pellaz Wrote:gay or st8 plan to have more inner girl than you think necessary or you will NOT get a date.
Well, if you look like a muscle-bound stud you can probably still hook up for sex. Of course, if you want any hope of building a relationship (straight or gay), you're still going to have to call upon your "feminine side" at least once in a while.
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my ex was fem he was ok at first till he turned to be a jerl, liar, and cheater lol
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I'm always inclined to think that gays who like feminine guys are straighter than other gays, but it is just my own opinion as I prefer masculine guys much more.
I like feminine guys a lot in a friendly way and think they are adorable, however it is just that I don't get turned on by them.
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Blake Wrote:I'm always inclined to think that gays who like feminine guys are straighter than other gays
Ive thought that, sometimes I felt my ex was trying to turn me into a girl, Like they want that dichotomy in a relationship, they want you to be a girl in boys skin
I don't know if its fair to say there "straighter" cos they like fems though, I hear a lot of guys say there not attracted to fem guys which just bullshits, though usually they just have one stereotype of what "fem" is. I bet more guys would like fem guys if they weren't so neurotic or care what people think.
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Maybe in certain cases that's true, but I seriously doubt it applies to all men who like fem guys.
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Blake Wrote:I'm always inclined to think that gays who like feminine guys are straighter than other gays, but it is just my own opinion as I prefer masculine guys much more.
I like feminine guys a lot in a friendly way and think they are adorable, however it is just that I don't get turned on by them.
So how about bi guys who like masculine guys? Am I just some sort of freak? If so, then awesome!
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VileKyle Wrote:So how about bi guys who like masculine guys? Am I just some sort of freak? If so, then awesome!
Hmm, I don't see anything bad in that 
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Feminine Guys
