First he hates me, now he's friendly. How to understand it?

[Anonymous]

I’m a young gay guy and a student. One of my coursemates is a really sexy guy, unfortunately straight. Although even if he would be gay, I would have no chance, because he’s really hot, like a film star. The bad thing is that he’s apparently a homophobe. He loves to laugh about me and make fun of me. When I come into the class, he sometimes says something like „everyone cover your bu_ts, fag_ot is here”. Despite it, I’m madly in love with him, he doesn’t know it.

Some time ago we were all having a student party in a rented flat. It was late night already when he started to fight with his girlfriend, because she was making out with every guy, she even tried to seduce me. They argued terribly and then she left. I was tired and I went into one of the empty rooms to grab some sleep. After some time he came to me and asked if the reason I'm gay is because all women are sluts. I said no and he then lied down next to me and apologized for all the bad things he has ever said to me. I didn’t talk much to him, because the distance between us help me control my feelings for him. Then he was like „if I would be gay, I’d probably be yours” and I said I didn’t like him, which was the biggest lie I’ve ever told. He then started guessing which one from our coursemates could I like. I turned my back at him and told him I wanted to sleep and after a while I felt him putting his arms around me. I thought my heart was going to pop out of my chest. We slept like this till the morning.

I don’t know what to think now. That night hasn’t changed anything for me, I still scared to approach him. He doesn’t call me queer or sissy anymore. In classes he’s sitting alone now, as he has broken up with his girlfriend. I’m sitting in front of him together with a friendly girl. Once she asked me „doesn’t your back itch”. I asked why and she said that he’s looking at me all the time. I don’t know, his attitude change seems strange to me. What does it mean?

[NerdyGiant23]

That's definitely an interesting situation. I have met some guys that were homophobes because they didn't want anyone to know they were gay/bi and to fight who they really are. He could have been like that because he can't accept who he is.

I'm not saying that's the case but it is a possibility. If he really is being nice to you that's really good. I'd say give him some time and then start to talk with him every now and then to find out more about him. Just be careful and think your actions through carefully when talking with him and see what happens.

[Vigilias]

Yeah, basically, what NerdyGiant just said!

I particularly echo his last sentence.

If your going to pursue him just be careful. I think he's one of these guys who will lash out physically at anything or anyone who presumes to mess with his head on this one. I said to someone a few days ago that a persons sexuality is a major part of their personality, the self image they project to others.

It's good that he's stopped being such a twat with the homophobia, I'd have made a complaint about him by now, and maybe you could be the person to bring about a positive change in his life regarding his sexuality but as far as anything else is concerned - tread carefully.

Answer his questions honestly be there for him if he feels he needs it but remember, you can't be in a helping relationship with someone at the same time as being their lover - that can get really messed up.

"What does it mean?"

His actions and behaviour indicate that he's interested in you or it could just be that you are the only guy guy he knows. That you're not so much Mr Right, more Mr Right Here Right Now.

If that's what he wants, and you can handle it and what comes after - go for it. Good luck to you!

Well, that's my take on the situation.

Let us know how things go!

[oneofcuriousity]

maybe he said the jokes because he is curious about guys but couldn't except it and took it out on you as u are gay what he might not want to be. but now his mind might have changed, due to his now ex.
also u might be the only openly gay guy he knows, so he might be attracted to u.

[btmsup4u]

Firstly oh young one, never confuse being "madly in love" with "very horny for". He might tease you because he truly feels that way or maybe as others said, to masque his true feelings. However, beware of the confused straight male who experiments with the same side of the fence to get at his old lady or because he is frustrated. I'd never want to be liked because of what I am not vs. what I am and this sounds like the type of situation where if he was being honest with you alone in the room that night, he could be coming onto you simply because you aren't his girlfriend, or a girl at all for that matter. Who knows. If he's giving off mixed signals and your gaydar is clicking on and you like him enough I'd go for it. Turning a straight guy is perhaps the most satisfying achievement for a gay male. I always had lots of fun with it.

[megumidesu]

whatever his sexuality , he sounds like a total douchebitch

[Ryocchi]

One of my exes was a homophobe right before he declared himself to me, he couldn't even be near a feminine guy because he wouldn't enjoy wathever we were doing.

[Waylon777]

This situation is interesting and reminds me of a situation in one or two movies. Definitely agree with NerdyGiant. He could be a homophones because he doesn't seem to be able to accept who he is and trying to get that thought out by harassing other who accepts it. Or he could just be an uneducated bigot. It seems like the barrier between you and him broke, maybe because of the recent break up and maybe you were in the vicinity to talk to about things.

[Will101]

Well! Like a lots of friends already said. He could be gay! All that homophobe guy who turned out to be gay stuff is pretty c'mon! But it's not always truth. But in this case it seems like this is one of them. I mean if he asked you gay stuffs, and hugged you in a bed, means that he doesn't dislike the men to men contact. And that thing your friend said about he looking at you could be truth! And he may be falling for you !! I would say that you should wait to see what his next move is, and be carefull to don't rush and throw yourself to him

[Joshular]

Ask him if he'd like to be your friend. He'd probably straight but if he'll be your friends then you've turned one homophobe into a non-homophobe and this would make me very happy to know there's one less homophobe