I am the crazy ex you never want

[NayNay]

Alright, so it has been 4 months since my ex broke up with me. At the beginning of the break up, I tried really hard, not to text, or make communication. As time went on though, I started to crack. Every day I would text him saying "can we just talk one last time" and when he would message me back I felt a rush of adrenaline.

I thought that as long as I kept contacting him and he responded, then I could keep the hope of us alive. Even though every time he responded he made it clear he did not want anything to do with me at the moment.

I was even being manipulative, when he started not to text me back, I got "worried" and would ask him if he is alright. Well he finally snapped the other night, which he has never snapped like this before (all through text). He basically told me to leave him alone and that I was pushing him over the edge.

My previous contact with him, I would always say this is the last time I will message you about this, then the next day I would repeat the same texts to him at about the same time. Almost like routine.

I need to break out of this, and yesterday, I finally did not message him... because I think I messaged him at least once a day for two weeks straight.

I admit, I still stalk his FB sometimes even though I de-friended him and I still stalk his twitter which I try not to. These are all things I was able to do about 2 months ago, but then I fell back into the same routine.

Ive tried to distract myself, hanging out with friends, meeting new people, visiting new places, but none of this has seem to work to well... If I am having a happy moment I feel the urge to text him, if I am having a weak moment I do the same.

I know what I need to do is start relying on others to share my experiences with and open up with them, rather than trying to connect with someone who broke off the connection with me a while ago.

I feel like I was crazy during these last 4 months, it is not normal, but I know it is not that abnormal either.

Now, I really need to start focusing on myself and be happy with myself. I have not been happy with myself for a while.

I regret being the crazy ex, but there is nothing I can do about it now. The best gift I could give to him is to let him go.

I understand why the relationship ended, I still care for him and want him to be happy. I also need to know that I have a right to be happy. I need to work on that first and foremost.

I just really want to stop thinking about him all the time and try to move on with my life. It is a lot harder than I anticipated.

Any advice/support would be appreciated. It feels good to just actually write this out and admit my wrongdoings!

[Wade]

I think you have the right attitude going forward. Whatever guilt you have about being the so-called "crazy ex," just throw it in the trash. There's nothing you can do about that. The important thing is that you've recognized your unhealthy behaviors are actively trying to change. That's commendable.

Good luck, and stay off the twitter and Facebook! That shit's poison to the soul.

[NayNay]

how long were you guys together

we were together for almost 4 years

[tavi]

Well firstly, well done for not messaging him yesterday, thats a start and you can do it one day, you can do it another day. I find it interesting you feel the need to text him when your happy or sad, that makes sense to me, though bet theres moments you dont think about him at all. But they come and you have to be strong enough to let them pass, like a wave and they will become less frequent. You miss him as well as the way you felt when you were with him so if you feel lonely your mind goes to him, though theres someone else out there for you, its just hard to meet people, just forgot your ex, its not good for you, he wasnt made of gold.

[Edward]

If it's not too personal, why did you break up and which one of you initiated it? It sounds like you still love him so it's going to be hard to get over him. I would say - get rid of everything that reminds you of him. At least delete his phone number from your phone so that you couldn't text him even if you wanted to.

[Merc]

I think letting him go was the best gift you could give to yourself. Now you can start moving yourself in a positive direction again. You aren't the crazy ex either. Situations like this are NOT easy when you feel something real and when it's long lasting. Hang in there!

[NayNay]

If it's not too personal, why did you break up and which one of you initiated it? It sounds like you still love him so it's going to be hard to get over him. I would say - get rid of everything that reminds you of him. At least delete his phone number from your phone so that you couldn't text him even if you wanted to.

He broke up with me and did not give me a concrete reason why. I just moved to Montreal (he lives in Toronto) and I was having a hard time adjusting to the new city. It was hard for me to make new friends and go out to do things because I was worried and anxious. He ended up breaking up with me because he thought he was holding me back. He also did not seem to have the patience to wait for me to get back to my normal self after going through a bit of depression and anxiety.

I have started trying to get rid of things that will not remind me of him, I have deleted his number but I have to erase it from my memory. lol

[NayNay]

I think letting him go was the best gift you could give to yourself. Now you can start moving yourself in a positive direction again. You aren't the crazy ex either. Situations like this are NOT easy when you feel something real and when it's long lasting. Hang in there!

You are right letting go will be the best gift I can give to myself. Thanks for the positive encouragement

[BorneoJake]

Your taking the first step to getting over him shadow. You are self aware of your actions and realized a lot of things about yourself. I know you really loved him a lot, but its time to move on. Time is the ultimate healer. If you ever feel lonely or need people to talk to, we are all on here to love and support ya

[Edward]

You could also try to get yourself a new boyfriend. Sometimes the best thing that can help to forget old relationships are new relationships.