09-07-2013, 04:57 PM
Alright, so it has been 4 months since my ex broke up with me. At the beginning of the break up, I tried really hard, not to text, or make communication. As time went on though, I started to crack. Every day I would text him saying "can we just talk one last time" and when he would message me back I felt a rush of adrenaline.
I thought that as long as I kept contacting him and he responded, then I could keep the hope of us alive. Even though every time he responded he made it clear he did not want anything to do with me at the moment.
I was even being manipulative, when he started not to text me back, I got "worried" and would ask him if he is alright. Well he finally snapped the other night, which he has never snapped like this before (all through text). He basically told me to leave him alone and that I was pushing him over the edge.
My previous contact with him, I would always say this is the last time I will message you about this, then the next day I would repeat the same texts to him at about the same time. Almost like routine.
I need to break out of this, and yesterday, I finally did not message him... because I think I messaged him at least once a day for two weeks straight.
I admit, I still stalk his FB sometimes even though I de-friended him and I still stalk his twitter which I try not to. These are all things I was able to do about 2 months ago, but then I fell back into the same routine.
Ive tried to distract myself, hanging out with friends, meeting new people, visiting new places, but none of this has seem to work to well... If I am having a happy moment I feel the urge to text him, if I am having a weak moment I do the same.
I know what I need to do is start relying on others to share my experiences with and open up with them, rather than trying to connect with someone who broke off the connection with me a while ago.
I feel like I was crazy during these last 4 months, it is not normal, but I know it is not that abnormal either.
Now, I really need to start focusing on myself and be happy with myself. I have not been happy with myself for a while.
I regret being the crazy ex, but there is nothing I can do about it now. The best gift I could give to him is to let him go.
I understand why the relationship ended, I still care for him and want him to be happy. I also need to know that I have a right to be happy. I need to work on that first and foremost.
I just really want to stop thinking about him all the time and try to move on with my life. It is a lot harder than I anticipated.
Any advice/support would be appreciated. It feels good to just actually write this out and admit my wrongdoings!
I thought that as long as I kept contacting him and he responded, then I could keep the hope of us alive. Even though every time he responded he made it clear he did not want anything to do with me at the moment.
I was even being manipulative, when he started not to text me back, I got "worried" and would ask him if he is alright. Well he finally snapped the other night, which he has never snapped like this before (all through text). He basically told me to leave him alone and that I was pushing him over the edge.
My previous contact with him, I would always say this is the last time I will message you about this, then the next day I would repeat the same texts to him at about the same time. Almost like routine.
I need to break out of this, and yesterday, I finally did not message him... because I think I messaged him at least once a day for two weeks straight.
I admit, I still stalk his FB sometimes even though I de-friended him and I still stalk his twitter which I try not to. These are all things I was able to do about 2 months ago, but then I fell back into the same routine.
Ive tried to distract myself, hanging out with friends, meeting new people, visiting new places, but none of this has seem to work to well... If I am having a happy moment I feel the urge to text him, if I am having a weak moment I do the same.
I know what I need to do is start relying on others to share my experiences with and open up with them, rather than trying to connect with someone who broke off the connection with me a while ago.
I feel like I was crazy during these last 4 months, it is not normal, but I know it is not that abnormal either.
Now, I really need to start focusing on myself and be happy with myself. I have not been happy with myself for a while.
I regret being the crazy ex, but there is nothing I can do about it now. The best gift I could give to him is to let him go.
I understand why the relationship ended, I still care for him and want him to be happy. I also need to know that I have a right to be happy. I need to work on that first and foremost.
I just really want to stop thinking about him all the time and try to move on with my life. It is a lot harder than I anticipated.
Any advice/support would be appreciated. It feels good to just actually write this out and admit my wrongdoings!