How can I stop my boyfriend from boxing?

[Anonymous]

I’m a gay guy and I’ve a problem with my boyfriend. We’re together for 3 years and we love each other very much. However, there’s something we cannot find a compromise about. My boyfriend is an athlete, he’s boxing. And that is the problem - I would like him to stop it. I never liked that he’s doing it, but I didn’t say anything, however I cannot stand it anymore. I don’t think boxing is sport at all, just some kind of face punching. I’m afraid that he’ll end up crippled. I’m afraid that eventually he’ll have some brain problems from all those head punches. It’s so hard for me to look at his bruises and scars.

I’ve asked him to stop it many times. He says that boxing is a part of his life and he doesn’t want to give it up. He always says that he’s fine and he’s getting stronger every day, but he could do some other sport, that’s less traumatizing, anything else would be ok. It would also be ok if he would box with that boxing bag or something that's not actually hitting him back, but he's boxing with an opponent, a real person. I feel bad, mostly because he doesn’t want to change anything. I only want him to stop it for his own good. I don’t understand why does he want to fight.

P.S. Sorry if my English is not good, I’m Russian.

[tavi]

Most of the things we fear never come true, im sure your boyfriend thinks its more than just punching peoples faces and been working at it his whole life, if you cant stop him it will eat you up inside, if you love him stand by him

[SolemnBoy]

If he really enjoys boxing you have no right to stop him from doing it. Sorry :/

[bluefox4000]

you can't if it's something he loves........it wouldn't be right to.

Mick

[Armandork]

We all have concerns for loved ones, but the most you can do right now is support him. If you've expressed your concern that's really all you can do... you have to respect his choice to continue boxing.

[mbennet35]

I understand your concern but the worse thing to do is try to control someone else. You can't change someone and if you try it could end up hurting your relationship. I would express my concerns and feelings with him but if he loves it the you should try to support his dreams and goals even if they scare you.

[Spellbound]

I'm divided here. Boxing is dangerous, and there can be long term effects. Just look at Ali (OK, he shared time with Frazier/Norton/Foreman, but that's what can happen). Maybe you could persuade him to try something else. How about karate or another of those oriental contests?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I love you but...

...but you have to change this, change that - stop doing X, start doing Y....

This sort of thing never works.

However, there’s something we cannot find a compromise about. My boyfriend is an athlete, he’s boxing. And that is the problem - I would like him to stop it

Compromise does not mean giving up something totally. Not unless you are going to give up something totally as well.

Compromise means to find a middle ground.

If he is boxing three times a week, a compromise would be that he only boxes once a week. He doesn't give it up totally, but gives up some of it... for health reasons.

What you are doing is demanding he sacrifices something he loves.

He may give it up, but in exchange you get a resentment. Resentments is what kills relationships.

[sillyboy86]

It's something so sexy... Honestly, if boxe is part of his life, part of HIM trying to change thist thing would only ruin your relationship.
Accept that, cause If I was your boyfriend I would leave those who try to change me.

[MisterTinkles]

You say you are Russian. I take it you live in Russia still?

Possibly he is "beefing" himself up in case someone ever wants to attack him or you. With whats going on over there right now, I can understand that. He may just be doing this to provide some sort of security for both of you.

Is he bare fist boxing or does he wear gloves? If he wears gloves, I wouldnt worry too much. If he uses bare fists, then I would definitely be telling him to wear boxing gloves or to not box to the point of physical abuse.

He may feel better being able to learn something like this in order to be a better man for you. I wouldnt push this too far, unless he ends up in the hospital one day...then I would put my foot down and tell him no more.

If he really isnt harming himself too much, then I wouldnt worry too much. Once he feels he has learned enough, he will stop. Until then, I would back him up, but do it quietly and with a watchful eye.