One night stand gone bad

[Jason111]

Hello GS people, it's me again.
I hope you're all doing fine.

I didn't know where to place this thread because I don't really need an advice, I know what I should do and what is right, the thing is that I only needed to share this with someone.

So, I got myself involved with this guy who's great. He's a great friend, lover and very supportive and understanding. I can't put my finger on anything he does wrong. Still, I feel hypocritical and I can't help but think that I'm fooling him. I'm a cheater and that's the most hideous someone can be in a relationship.

To cut to the point, I came across this other guy recently and it was a one night stand. He's a new guy from the office. He was very clear in saying that he wants no commitment nor any other emotional bonds. I was cool with it. We had sex several times and that was it.
Suddenly, he just disappeared and I slowly grew to like him. He's really good looking.
Now, when it's pretty clear that it was just a one time thing, I see him online and say hi, but he's being silent.

I know what I should do - delete him from my contacts and move on. But I can't. I'm in this whirl of hope thinking how he's maybe busy and that he might say hi just now. Yet, we all know that's my way of coping with things.

Have you had similar experiences? I don't want to turn into some stalker, self-loathing guy with no sense of self-worth and respect.

Many thanks in advance.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

No, can't say I have had a similar experience.

But then I'm not a cheater either.

Seems to me that you are reaping the harvest of the seeds you sowed.

In other words, I hope you are hurting hard and deep and I hope you come away from this realizing that playing with hearts is a terrible thing to do. Perhaps if you recall this pain in other relationships you will be less prone to cheat.

Doubtful, it is my experience that cheaters are selfish, self centered and care nothing about the feelings of others.

This strikes me as a bit of karma, as such no matter what you do its going to hurt - hopefully hurt you so much you will never forget it and mind your p's and q's in future.

[MisterTinkles]

Its beyond me how people can think they can do and say whatever they want, whenever they want, and not expect to have to deal with repercussions or punishment.

[southbiochem]

Ok.....things just got serious...

First....yes, cut off contact...he said from the beggining nothing serious

Second...you started to like him most likely because you know you can't have him.. completely consistent with a cheater's behaviour. If you ever manage to get him, you'll probably start liking someone else.

Third...stop a moment and think why you need to cheat on a guy who's "a great friend, lover and very supportive and understanding".

If you can't be faithful, don't get involved in relationships, easy as that. Go arround, get your fun with other guys who are in the same page (I bet there are many), but don't get involved with someone you'll end up hurting.

You are dealing with another person, not a toy. And cheating will most certainly backfire to you at some point.

[NerdyGiant23]

I find it interesting that you are hoping for something with the guy in the office, and all you really say about him as a person is that he is good looking.

Yet you described this great guy that you have been with that could easily give you something greater, this "great friend" who is "very supportive and understanding"...

You need to work on yourself before you try to have any kind of meaningful relationship. If you want to sleep around, go ahead. Just don't expect anything more if that's the route you take. If you want something more than sex then realize that you need to commit yourself to whoever you end up with if you have any hope of not dying alone in this world. You can have sex with anyone but you can only have a relationship with someone.

In the meantime, try to realize why you cheat and stop it. Seriously: stop cheating. You will NEVER have a meaningful relationship if you keep that up. Face the consequences of your actions and get your s*** together.

P.S. Sorry if this sounds harsh but you need a wake up call. Big time.

[Jason111]

Hm... I kinda expected this.
This is my first time cheating and it's because I haven't seen the guy in 2 months(It's not an excuse, I know). As someone stated before that they hope I am in pain - I am.
I deleted the guy from all possible networks, but he's not the reason I'm hurting. The guilt is ripping my guts out.

I know I have to tell my boyfriend about this and he might say it's ok as long as I don't do it again, but I don't think that's enough. I will probably end it with him as well. This is not my usual pattern of behavior. I don't cheat.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to turn into some... ...self-loathing guy with no sense of self-worth and respect.

Don't want to, but already have...... too late....

[Vigilias]

It's said that we're here on earth to learn.

How's this lesson in physical and spiritual monogamy going for you so far?

It's also said that we learn from our mistakes...

Good luck!

[southbiochem]

Hm... I kinda expected this.
This is my first time cheating and it's because I haven't seen the guy in 2 months(It's not an excuse, I know). As someone stated before that they hope I am in pain - I am.
I deleted the guy from all possible networks, but he's not the reason I'm hurting. The guilt is ripping my guts out.

I know I have to tell my boyfriend about this and he might say it's ok as long as I don't do it again, but I don't think that's enough. I will probably end it with him as well. This is not my usual pattern of behavior. I don't cheat.

That's a whole different matter entirely...see, if you are aware that you did wrong (you feeling guilty it's a good sign!) and are even willing to admit it to your BF, that's something to go on.

If you say that he might be even willing to forgive you...why then would you end things with such an amazing guy? Maybe YOU won't be able to live with it? I don't know.

Still, try to think what went through your head those months you didn't see him, and figure out what exact impulse led you to cheat. That way you're not likely to repeat it.

I would advice you to be honest...soon...cause he deserves to learn it from you...the world is a small place and you never know who knows who, he might find out from other sources and it will be worse.

If you're really interested in a relationship and not just fooling around, then he sounds too amazing to just let him go....

[ardus]

I understand

I know that pull. I meet a lot of guys myself, we usually have sex. I get attached to some of them.
They're nice guys, and I like them. Most often though I can look forward and see that they are not long term compatible with me.

I separate them from the ones that I think are. It's a mental skill I've developed over the years.

For example, in the last two weeks I slept with three guys, but I dated one.

The guy I dated I haven't slept with yet, because I am interested in him long term. I want to get to know him first

May not make sense to some but it makes sense to me.

Richard