He sort of cheated i think, What do I do??!!!

[ushiking]

Ok I'll try to make this short,

Basically me and my bf have been dating for 5 months now, a few weeks ago he was acting a little weird, eventually i got it out of him that he felt like we weren't a couple and were doing enough couple stuff, I'm usually busy with work and uni so i don't have much time for him and he's usually coming over to my house, but i agreed to do more with him, after that we seemed to be doing better, we went out one night and in the morning while he was in the shower i used his phone to send pictures he took of us last night to my phone, while scrolling to our messages i found some messages from some other guy, the conversation started during the time he said he felt we weren't a couple, but continued after we had our talk. The conversation started with them just chatting then it got very sexual then there were mentions of meeting up with each-other and it seemed to get very flirtatious almost borderline dating.

I was in shock cause he never seemed to be the kind of guy to do this sort of thing, i confronted him about it and he said it was because he felt we weren't coupley and he was confused about us. He was very apologetic and seemed very sorry and said it was a huge mistake and he's cut off all contact with the guy and he meant nothing to him. He said they never got physical but i have my suspicions about it some of the messages they sent suggested something happened... I said i still wanted him in my life but and he said hes going to try very hard to win my trust back but i still just dont know, i feel like my relationships infected now and i can never go back to how we were... would you guys forgive him? he was very upset with himself and said hes and idiot and it was a huge mistake, but when i think of mistakes i think of accidental drunk kisses not, a week long string of texts with meet ups and intimacy... i just don't know what to do...

[princealbertofb]

It depends how much you care about him. Is he worth worrying about and keeping in your life? Your relationship is still quite young (in its infancy, one might say) since it's only been going on for 5 months. Have you two set some rules between you? Was it him who wanted to be more intimate when he felt you weren't a couple? Or was it you who felt that way?
Maybe this is a time for you to set some rules between you, such as deciding whether you're exclusive or whether you'd like to keep things open. Until you have that talk, any rule goes, I'm afraid. If you have not talked about it nor sworn anything to each other, the chances are he still feels he's free to behave in a (sometimes) selfish manner. If he did have a fling with this other guy, it is possible that it wasn't very serious, just a sexual thing because he was feeling left out? You need to talk this over more in depth, I think. Then, if you need him in your life, you need to learn to forgive him and to forgive yourself for feeling bad about it. Remember that no one possesses anyone else in relationships. It's nice to say MY boyfriend, but is it really healthy to be overpossessive about it? Never take him for granted. On the other hand he should not take you for granted either. Hope you both work it out, if it's worth fighting for.

[princealbertofb]

I see you've put in your profile: gay man in a monogamous gay relationship... Would he write this about himself too?

[Joshular]

Three letters. If somone cheats you do the hard thing and DUMP them.
How can you trust him. And he can't say that 'he felt like we weren't a couple and were doing enough couple stuff"
Cos he cheated and you shouldn't have to be with someone that lies

[MisterTinkles]

1. If it didnt mean anything to him, he would have erased all evidence of contacts off his phone.

2. If he didnt do anything wrong, he would have told you about it when (if) he actually told the guy he wasnt interested.

3. Anybody who has doubts about their relationship wouldnt go do something with someone else, unless they knew for certain that relationship wasnt going anywhere.

[Dreamer]

In the words of Pat Robertson:
"He cheated on you. Well, he's a man!"


You need to contemplate what he means to you (and you to him),
and what kind of relationship you two really have
because he was obviously confused where you were on the couple spectrum.


Communication is key!
I advice much more of it between you two.


If you desire an actual monogamous relationship with this guy,
you both need to be in equal understanding and agreement of what that truly means.


If you achieve that, yet still have feeling of mistrust...
FOLLOW YOUR GUT INSTINCT
because it's usually never wrong!


If monogamy is what you desire,
yet something he can't handle,
dump his ass to the curb!


It's something not too often attainable with men, gay or straight.


We are, by nature, fucking machines.


I find it humorous
when guys and gals undergo utter shock and disarray
when their man cheats on them.


We're human.
Monogamy is not natural to our species,
although capable to those truly devoted.

[princealbertofb]

Three letters. If somone cheats you do the hard thing and DUMP them.
How can you trust him. And he can't say that 'he felt like we weren't a couple and were doing enough couple stuff"
Cos he cheated and you shouldn't have to be with someone that lies

DUMP is actually FOUR letters, Josh.?.?.?.?.? no? miley-eating-icecr

[princealbertofb]

1. If it didnt mean anything to him, he would have erased all evidence of contacts off his phone.

2. If he didnt do anything wrong, he would have told you about it when (if) he actually told the guy he wasnt interested.

3. Anybody who has doubts about their relationship wouldnt go do something with someone else, unless they knew for certain that relationship wasnt going anywhere.

Do we know anything about the poster's real life situation with said boyfriend? Do they live together? How long have they been living together, if so? Do they see each other every day? How intimate do you have to be to call your relationship a couple's relationship? Who decided that it was a couple's relationship, and one in which there was an obligation of fidelity? I don't think we have all the facts to judge, but you're entitled to think what you think. I personally never had doubts about the fact that I wanted to commit to my current partner (of ten years) but after 6 months of knowing him and having met in real life, nothing was so certain that we were a couple. He certainly still didn't know where he was standing. Once we know how much of the edifice of being in a partnership was achieved in this couple (after 5 months), then, maybe, we might interpret the poster's right to call his boyfriend's behaviour 'cheating'. I said 'maybe'.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

How long did this whole 'I don't know if we are a couple' episode last?

Seems funny that he can find another dude this rapidly.

I personally would clarify what the status of the relationship is - and that would be 'You, sir, are a single man.'

5 months is not that long of a time. And assuming you told him you were busy with University and work, there should not have been that much confusion that we are working on a relationship.

HE didn't even bother to ASK about the status of the relationship, no he went out and dicked around with another fellow?

If I was in an infant relationship I would ask what our status was if I was confused about the situation. I wouldn't start playing with other fellows.

[AbelD]

Sorry I wouldn't trust him anymore... So the next time he doesn't feel as couple anymore he could date him or someone else without saying anything...