So I go to the bars last night....

[LateBloomer]

Drew.

Seriously.

Straight talk ok?

Online dating is not for you? Ok.

You wanna meet guys in a bar? That's ok too.

But this is not art! It doesn't need to be perfect. It's a mess! You're a neat, composed, sophisticated guy. I know. I've been reading your posts for some time now. And you're a good looking guy. Smart. Charming I'm sure.

FACE IT! You're gonna have to REJECT some guys. And some guys are gonna reject YOU. Some guys love the challenge--or the pursuit. Or whatever you want to call it. Guys like you (and me) not so much. Dating is a chore. We'd much rather be in a relationship. The stability of it all is very appealing.

You need practice at REJECTING and REJECTION. You can do BOTH in a sophisticated and dignified manner--most of the time.



Every now and then, you'll have to tell some clod to just get lost. But I totally get it. You don't want to be the bad guy or the bitch. And of course you certainly don't wanna be the clown who gets laughed at.

But seriously Drew. When you see a group of guys, just go over and somehow INSINUATE yourself into their conversation. IT'S HARD TO DO. But you'll know pretty quick if they are receptive or not. If not, no hard feelings, they're not fishing. But if one of them is, well then, game on!

It takes a little practice.

Maybe on your trip to Portland you can try talking to a few strangers with no big hopes of "hooking up". If you strike out, you just go home, never see them again.

Believe me, anonymous travel does WONDERS for confidence. You basically have nothing to lose.

I wish you the best of luck. I can't wait for you to find a BF.

[justbry87]

It's hard, but I'm sure after a couple of shots saying Hi
and extending your hand out and introducing yourself to
a guy should be a walk in the park.

[MisterTinkles]

Go naked, nobody will ignore you then.

[davearoo]

Two ideas:

1. Let go of any emotional investment in the outcome. Otherwise, people you meet will sense your anxiety, and it will turn them off. Simply put, you don't care what happens when you approach someone.

2. Talk to everybody. Guys, girls, bartenders, literally everyone. No need to introduce yourself or use pickup lines; just talk like you would to a platonic friend at school. Keep the conversation going as long as possible. Believe it or not, some of them will ask you to dance after a few minutes.

[Pix]

Surely there are better places to meet than at a bar. I haven't heard of bars being more successful than online for finding actual love (as opposed to sex and terrible mind games).

I suppose if I went that route I'd find a way to plug into a social circle and get to know people that way outside of the bar when they're hopefully a little more noble minded...assuming I didn't have to have drunken sex with players picking me up at the meat market to do it.

[Matt]

Give up the bar scene, dear Scorpio.

Coffee Houses. Poetry readings. Open mic nights. Get other there and mingle. You're a master of gab(or should be). You know a lot about a lot. Flourish in who you are then you can flourish amongst others.

[Waylon777]

Haha, same here. I get too shy to talk to people at a gay bar. Plus, it seems ultra creepy to just go up to a random stranger and start talking at a bar. Definitely, get few drinks, get the brain and body relaxed, and start talking. At least you feel less embarrassed with couple of beers in you.